Question:
I need some advice please. I am hoping to be able to tell my boyfriend that I know when I am shedding, as we both prefer not to use condoms or ant-virals.

I have known I have HSV-2 since July when I had my one and only outbreak. I had been assymptomatic for years previous to that. Since July I have had two episodes where I experienced prodromal symptoms--tingling, slight burning, fatigue--but I did not get an outbreak either time. I am very in touch with my body and feel everything, so my question is: can I know when I am shedding? Does anyone else experience slight syptoms with no outbreaks, signs that can be used to determine days when you should not have sex? Obviously if we could know all our shedding days we would not have to use antivirals or condoms. I am convinced I know when I am shedding. Has anyone else had this experience? Thanks for sharing.

Answer:
I also experience certain times when I can be pretty sure I'm shedding without having an ob, but it's impossible to say that's the ONLY time with absolute certainty. While shedding is not an everyday occurrance, and in fact, probably happens rarely when there is a complete absence of symptoms of any kind, it's still impossible to state as absolute fact that you're not. You could say I don't think I am, or I'm probably not, but to tell him I know for certain that I'm not would be stretching the truth a little. I think the actual statistic on passing the virus when no symptoms are present is something like 4%, which isn't much. So, I guess the question becomes... do you feel lucky? :) That's something only you and he can decide.

Answer:
Thanks for your response. Yes, I feel very lucky to be assymptomatic and to be able to feel at least some if not all of my shedding days. However, my boyfriend has been in a lot of fear over this herpes thing even though he has HSV-type 1 orally and I have type-2. It seems this is the worst thing for a man to have to face--catching type 2 herpes! Sometimes he is relaxed about it and othet times he is not. I am on a rollercoaster and it's not fun. But we are totally in love. Sadly, I got this news in the middle of our honeymoon phase--2 months into our relationship. Big bummer. What is the genral consenseus about a committed relationship? Does everyone use condoms or do many of you have partners willing to take their chances? Again, I am assymptomatic and see my boyfriend only half the month, which lowers our risk of transmission to 2%.

Answer:
If he's already got HSV-1, he's got a better chance of not catching HSV-2 from you. Just to help you lower those chances a little more. ;)

Answer:
Thanks--we both know that having type-1 lowers the chances of transmission but anxiety is totally irrational and the fact that his chances are very slim does not seem to help when he is in his fear. For some wierd reason he is free of fear only when I take Valtrex, which I no longer do because it doesn't make sense to me if I'm assymptomatic (it only lowers the chances of transmission in assyptomatic people by 25%). Also, I don't feel well on Valtrex and have a lower sex drive, which defeats the purpose. So I am looking for another way to calm my lover's fear. I am wondering if he should see a psychiatrist. It has been three months since we got this news and his fear flares up about half the time--still. Any suggestions? Obviously all the worst case scenarios he has read and seen online have only fueled the fear and made it way worse. And it kills him that he puts me through his mood changes that accompany the fear.

Answer:
I was diagnosed in Sept and since that time I have noticed 2 occasions of obvious prodromal symptoms with no outbreak. To be honest in my opinion you just need to be patient with your bf. It's only been since July and while you seem to have adjusted to it (congrats by the way, diagnosis is rough I know) you need to give him some time. Eventually, he will be able to calm down and see it for what is, a skin condition that that activates infrequently causing outbreaks. The thing that he should understand is how herpes works, once he realizes that he has a 4% chance of getting it per year it may calm him down eventually. You just have to be patient and let him come to that conclusion at his own time.