Question:
I never thought I would be admitting this to complete strangers but after reading through this site I hope someone will understand me and the situation I am in.
I was diagnosed in 2005. I was in a relationship at the time and therefore didn't think much of it. I had the first outbreak and then another one a year and a half later. Our relationship had progressivly gotten worse but I was scared to leave because I could not imagine telling someone about my disease.
I finally left him 5 months ago. I started taking daily Valtrex immediately. Just as a precaution. I have a couple friends with herpes and have asked them about telling guys. Some do, some don't. None of them have given it to anyone that they know of.
I have dated a couple guys but found they were not worth telling because I didn't see a future. The other night I was at a bar and ended up going home with a guy I had been hanging out with all night. We had sex and used a condom. The next weekend the same thing. I have been getting to know him and he is a great guy, one that I would really like to invest some feelings in. But now I am overridden by guilt. I hate myself for sleeping with him. I hate that I have this damn disease and why it has to make this sooo hard. It's hard enough to find a good guy but then have to overcome this.
I can't imagine telling him but if I don't then I know I need to stop seeing him now. I can't put him at risk more then I already have. If I tell him he'll leave me anyways for being such a horrible person to sleep with him in the first place. Has anyone been in this position? What do I do?

Answer:
YOU MUST TELL HIM NOW. If he freaks out then he is not worth it. There are SOO many other guys out there. Eventually he may want to have sex without a condom if you two get really serious. If you wait that long, you will have stronger feelings and if he doesn't understand, then you will be hurt more. And there is still a risk that he will get it even if you do use a condom. If that happens, he may not forgive you. You need to accept yourself as you are and tell the truth. Your life will be much easier. If you ever see yourself in a long term relationship with him you will have to tell him eventually. So do it now.

It is not fair to put the other person at risk. I know that it is not fair that we have this crappy STD, but I got it because somebody didn't feel the need to tell me. If you tell him, you two can protect him better. Be true to both him and yourself.

Answer:
I forgot about your worry that you already slept with him. I have done the same thing with one other person, and used a condom. To this day I have not told him, but I will never be with him. Like you said, he may not understand why I put him at risk (even if it was a low risk), and I would rather remain friends with him than be enemies. I don't really know. I have learned, though, that you must tell the other person BEFORE you have sex or you are put in a sticky situation. So if you really care about this person, go for it and tell him (especially because it is pretty early on in the relationship still). Tell him you are sorry, but you thought the risk was low. Or I would just remain friends and not engage in any sexual activity. It is just not right to hide it and have sex. I know I have, but I will never do it again.

Answer:
Okay I think the first thing you need to do is sit down and think about why you put yourself at risk by not having a discussion with him about any sti he might have that you could get from him.

Even with the use of condoms we all know there are more than one type of viral infection either partner can catch from the other while participating in sexual activity whether it be intercourse, anal sex or oral sex.

Yes I think you should have disclosed your herpes status but I also think he had a responsibility to discuss his status with you as well and it sounds like that conversation just didn't happen.

I tend to think that if neither party takes responsibility for discussing std's/sti's before engaging in activity then this is what they do with all partners and this puts a whole new light on "probabilities". How many partners have each of you had where you simply didn't ask or simply didn't tell?

I'm not gonna blame you so much for not telling as for not asking. Your health should be the most important part of this for you not his.

I'm sorry I'm not trying to be mean just trying to put this in perspective and point out that you are important.