Question:
Hello

I am new & have been seeing someone with herpes 2 for 4 months now.
He told me before we ever got intimate. He was married for 10 years before & him & his wife never used condoms & she never got the virus.

He had the virus for 20 years now & says he knows when a breakout is coming on. He said he only gets like 1 a year now.

We have fooled around ALOT when we talk about having sex, he tells me that he HATES using condoms, he gets no feeling what-so-ever. I don't know what to do. I like him & would love to have sex without a condom but i am TERRIFIED!!

Any advice?? Can they really tell when a breakout is coming on??
How can he be married for 10 years, not use a condom & his wife doesn't get the virus??

Answer:
Yes some people can tell when an outbreak is coming on (I can).

It's quite possible his wife didn't get it - but then does he REALLY know this (did she get tested).

You need to know that condoms will not protect you a 100% from catching it.

And how many times have we women heard that men hate condoms??? Absoltuely no feeling what-so-ever - I find that hard to believe.

But in anycase, I think you both need to get tested for ALL STDs before having unprotected sex.

Answer:
Yes he said he could tell when an outbreak is coming on too!

Yes he knows that his wife didn't catch the virus cause when she was delivering their son, she had him natural birth & u can't do that if u have the virus.

Yeah thats true, we have heard men always say they don't like condoms!:rolleyes:

Answer:
You can have a natural birth with herpes, there are just some considerations, and the possibility that it would be recommended against come time to actually deliver. However, it IS possible, so the fact that she had a natural delivery does not mean she doesn't have HSV. I'm not even absolutely sure if they test for HSV while you're pregnant (I can't remember if i was, but i wasn't positive then either) unless you specifically request it.

Answer:
For what it's worth, I have never in my life had a lover or a boyfriend express the slightest reluctance about using condoms. When I was on the pill, one long-term boyfriend even suggested we use condoms as well for back-up protection against pregnancy, and so that's what we did. He always expressed great pleasure with our sex life. A guy insisting he didn't want to use one would be something completely new and surprising for me.

Answer:
ummmm,.... Last I checked... Herpes isn't the only thing to worry about catching.... HIV... HPV... among others....

Condoms are our friends...

Answer:
How old are you?

How old is your boyfriend?

The whole "I can't feel anything" is so....bullshit.

Men reap of bullshit a lot of times.

Using no protection opens you up to I would say a more than 60% chance of catching it because even if he can 'feel it coming on', Type 2 has a lot of shedding, therefore just by skin contacting you can still spread the virus without lesions present.

Plus if he's lying about the condoms part, he could just happen to never mention that hes got that 'feeling'.

Your health, Your risk.

Answer:
She says he's had this for 20 years and was married for 10. My guess is that he is middle aged and came of age before the safe sex campaigns of the 90s. It's just a guess, but most resistance around condoms appears to me to come from earlier generations. I am almost 30 and grew up with free condoms all over the place and tons of education on the importance of using condoms. I think an attitudinal shift occurred as a result of those campaigns so that the majority of folks who came of age during those campaigns feel that condoms are "no big deal", a simple part of life. We also experience orgasms and sexual pleasure when condoms are involved. Go figure.

Answer:
Actually, I am dating a man who is 46 and did not grow up during the sexual revolution, pre-comdom era. But he had been married for twenty years and got used to not wearing condoms. Now for him to go back to using condoms (because I have HSV-2) is very difficult. He can't even always keep his hard-on because he doesn't feel enough with a condom on.

His dimemma now is: does he go for pleasure and risk getting herpes? Since we are in love and hope to always be together, I think he will opt for total intimacy without a condom (especially since I am assymptomatic). But if you are not sure about this man you should not risk getting herpes just because he doesn't want to wear a condom. Perhaps yopu can use them until your commitment is there or until he gets used to them again.
Good luck!