Question:
I was recently diagnosed with HSV2. I'm sure that I got it from my cheating ex. Unfortunatley I didn't have an ob until a couple of months after starting a new relationship. I've tried to gently encourage my bf to get tested but he's uncomfortable talking about it and I don't want to push and scare him. Even though I would feel horrible if I did give this to him I'd still like to know for sure. Any suggestions on what I can do?

Answer:
What is your reason for wanting him to get tested?

Answer:
When I first got together with my bf we discussed sti's and he told me he was negative for them and that he had regular screening. Now that it has been almost 3 years I know that he is very honest and knowledgeable about this. But. . . right after our first sexual contact I had an ob. I ran to the dr and tested negative and, me not being very knowledgeable thought cool nothing to worry over. A month or so later my bf came to me and was very upset over a heat rash he was experiencing. He went and had himself tested for hsv and it was negative. Again a sigh of relief for both.

2 years later I test positive for hsv. He and I freak but he won't get tested again. I know he has never cheated on me. We work through our fears and we still have sex the same as we ever did except now that I know what an ob is I am more careful.

Where am I going with this? If I have hsv so might my bf as so much time has passed and the opportunity exists for him to have it too. Why should I push it if it might upset him? Why should it make a difference if we are monogamous? Maybe he has it and maybe he doesn't and he knows I do so the risk is real but he obviously doesn't want to make it a big deal. If we stay together for the rest of our lives this doesn't effect our relationship except for the frequency of sexual contact.

Do you want him to get tested for his edification or for your own? Perhaps he is happier not knowing and if you are okay with this does it harm your relationship?

Not worrying about the effects of hsv on a relationship is almost heaven when it means that your partner isn't letting this stand in the way of what you have together. This is exactly what so many single hsv sufferers are looking for: Unconditional Acceptance and the absence of blame.