Question:
I was diagnosed with herpes II last January. My ex and I were together for 2 years and had unprotected sex about 25% of the time. He didn't know he had it until after I was diagnosed. He then found out, after he broke up with me, that he got it from his ex girlfriend. She called him to inform him and apologize.

I have a friend who has it as well so we've given each other a lot of support, but I've recently been struggling immensely with the thought. Every couple I see on television or happy ending to a romance story I witness, I think, "I wonder if they have herpes."; "I wonder if they did and if they told their partner - would it work??"

I guess the reason I've been having a hard time lately centers around, inevitably - a boy. I've known him for awhile now and we've been very attracted to each other. We didn't even really speak until a Halloween party I had at my house. We got extremely drunk and, though I don't remember, I'm sure we fooled around. I'm usually never like that. I mean, I usually don't get drunk and am casually sexual with people. The next morning I freaked. I thought to myself, "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? Oh my God, I have herpes. What did I do?" I don't know him well enough to trust him with my vulnerability - which is hard for me to do with a lot of people. We've been hanging out a lot and he stays the night at my house. We make out but that's as far as he ever takes it. We both, without discussing it, can tell that we REALLY like each other. But because of my recent break up with my ex (and his recent break up with his) we're both not looking to get into a relationship at all and we're both fine with how casual our interaction and feelings are.

I worry all the time because I'm not sure if it could progress. If it does, I'd have to tell him. The problem - he works with my roommate, who is also my boss. The company I work at is right next door to the company he works at and we're all a very tight knit family. Everyone knows EVERYONE'S business. I know that he wouldn't tell if it got to the point where I had to tell him, but he's very ignorant to things like that and he's slightly judgemental. It could possibly NEVER work between us, but it FEELS right.

I'm unsure about the status of "us" or the "future" of "us", but either way - I'm struggling so much so lately. I'm not sure what to do or how to cope. I'm just lost. I feel like I'll never be loved again. I'm even contemplating moving upstate earlier than my plans allow so that I don't have to deal with it. I've been drinking a lot lately, starting to take prescription drugs, pushing my friends away from me, and isolating myself in my misery. I'm becoming self destructive and I don't know what to do.

Answer:
i dont think he is the right one for you.......it seems you might like him but he is on the rebound, as are you and it seems that perhaps you and he both just need someone to be around for a while........if you dont think you could tell him then dont.....follow your gut instinct, especially if it could potentially impact all other areas of your life(boss, job, lot of people finding out, etc) ....its not worth it, until you find someone who is right for you and is worth telling and there is no other real concerns other than them accepting it or not.....when work and other situations are involved herpes is not something you want to risk getting thrown out into the open unfortunately.

Also, dont you find it weird that he never pushes anything further with you other than kissing? perhaps he is hiding a secret as well.....you truly never know.... what if he has herpes too? long shot, but in todays society....completely a possibility.....but its one of those things you have to ask yourself.....if this guy and this situation is really worth putting your secret out in the open for....you never know, he might not have anything and react very differently to the news than you would imagine. Sounds like it is just a situation where you both need someone in your lives right now to fill a void, for companionship, perhaps a feeling of temporary security, self esteem, etc. but that in the end it will not amount to much so think carefully. I could be totally wrong but that is my first impression while reading the post. If you ever want to talk, private message me, im here to talk :)