Question:
I was diagnosed with Herpes a while ago. After a very painful and emotional week... I decided to take some time off from dating and sex... I was almost to the year Mark when I met Mark. He was one of those, I feel like I was hit across the head when I saw him... kind of guys :) Needless to say, I decided to break my oath to not date for a year... I told him on our second date (after a few too many drinks...) I blurted: I have herpes! and he responded: So? I have asthma! (I'm telling you this man is PERFECT!!!!!!!!)

After we started exclusively dating I started taking daily suppressant therapy called Famvir (I have never heard of it until this point...) so that topped with Condoms I felt like I was doing my part to protect him from passing it to him.

We are to the point where he no longer wants to use condoms. I am on birth control again... and he is confident I am 'the one' so he feels as if I pass it to him, its a burden we can carry together. He even makes references to 'if and when its passed...'

But since his refusal to use condoms... I've lost my labito completely.I don't care what he says or tells me... I would harbor so much guilt passing him this painful virus. I just don't think I could live with myself.

My mother says I am jaded because my first outbreak was particularly painful and landed me in the hospital (dehydration from refusing to drink anything for three days because urination was SO painful...) I missed a week and a half of work... My outbreaks have been by far less severe ... but I can't shake the fear of him catching it, and being in pain for even an instant.

am I being a crazy person? Has anyone had similar feelings?

Answer:
What makes you think that his experience will be the same as yours? Most people don't know they have hsv because they don't get symptoms or outbreaks. Who says he'll even contract it? You know how to reduce these chances.

If this guy is into you and you think he is a keeper the natural progression is away from using condoms.

He is telling you that you are worth it to him to have a completely healthy sex life. He is communicating that he is committed to the relationship. It also indicates that you are sexy and attractive to him exactly as you are.

My guy and I have decided not to use condoms and after almost 3 years he does not have signs of having contracted this. The one thing he always does is shower after contact.

I think your guys attitude would be a big plus and if it was me it would make me feel so much more at ease and trusting which would be a big "turn on".

Answer:
We are to the point where he no longer wants to use condoms. I am on birth control again... and he is confident I am 'the one' so he feels as if I pass it to him, its a burden we can carry together. He even makes references to 'if and when its passed...'

But since his refusal to use condoms... I've lost my labito completely.I don't care what he says or tells me... I would harbor so much guilt passing him this painful virus. I just don't think I could live with myself. I am familiar with this struggle. My situation is a little less clear cut. I probably have herpes everywhere, but may just be extremely paranoid. In any case, the man I am seeing reminds me a little of your guy. He seems unafraid of contracting this virus. And every time I have anything that could be a symptom, I melt down with worry about transmitting to him.

But the fact is, he is an adult who made an informed choice. When I get in a tizzy about what I may or may pass on, I remind myself gently that if I respect him, truly respect him, I will accept his capacity to make his own decision. I accept that my adult sexual partner is capable, smart, and strong enough to make his own decision about his own body. If or when he contracts this disease, my work will be on reminding myself of and respecting this capable, adult decision he made regarding his own body.

I get where you are coming from. Good luck.

Claudia

p.s. If I ever come back here in the process of a meltdown because I've passed herpes along to my beloved, somebody please shoot these words right back at me. Thanks!