Question:
The last thing I need right now are a bunch of TLDR replies, so I'll keep this short and sweet.

I dated a girl for two years and during our relationship, she found out that she had Herpes. She took Valtrex and had very very very painful outbreaks. I was asymptomatic and showed absolutely no signs of an infection. So, I did the right thing and went straight to the physician.

Blood test: HSV2, negative, HSV1, positive. So, my doctor asked me if I had ever had a cold sore in my life. I couldn't think of a person I knew that didn't. Evidently only 60% of Americans get them...yeah yeah...

Anyway, so I started dating this girl a month ago and I told her I didn't want to have sex for a month. Well, somehow or another, we ended up trading each other for oral sex (trying to amuse ourselves while abstaining from sex). Anyway, afterwards, she asked if the two bumps on my wedding tackle were anything I "caught at college." I panicked and told her no. As soon as she left I spent like 4 hours online looking at pictures and looking at what looked like two tiny pimples on the foreskin (well, I'm cut, so the scar tissue, anyway...), and concluded that I must have contracted HSV1 orally. Well, that's my assumption. I need to go to the doctor.

After that whole episode I have been FREAKING out. I think she is noticing my behavior. Most of it is guilt for not telling her about the whole episode, but my doctor told me I was clean! I'm so confused and I don't know what to do. I love the girl to death, but something like this would drive her away if I didn't put it in exactly the right words. I need your help. PLLLEAASSSEEE! I would be happy to answer any other questions.

THANK YOU!

Answer:
I know that you're finding yourself in a real hard situation. But, the best advice that I can give you is to try not to get too caught up in the right/wrong way to tell someone.

It's hard, I know. It took every ounce of courage for me to tell my husband that I f*ed up one night when I was out of town on business. Through all the hurt and anger, we have managed move forward together.

I'm not sure if this will help or not, but just say what's in your heart. It'll be fine, no matter the outcome.

Answer:
I'm sorry, I don't completely understand. Your doctor told you that you had HSV1, which is usually on the mouth (but he also said you're clean?). I'm wondering why you thought it was safe to have oral sex with someone. If I read this wrong, please correct me, but it sounds like you knew you had some type of herpes, yet you put your mouth on her genitals and put your genitals in her mouth. How is that safer than having sex?

Answer:
I know that you're finding yourself in a real hard situation. But, the best advice that I can give you is to try not to get too caught up in the right/wrong way to tell someone.

It's hard, I know. It took every ounce of courage for me to tell my husband that I f*ed up one night when I was out of town on business. Through all the hurt and anger, we have managed move forward together.

I'm not sure if this will help or not, but just say what's in your heart. It'll be fine, no matter the outcome. Thanks, it really helps to hear that from someone. The only thing that is KILLING me is that I let her give me oral without completely knowing if what she saw was HSV1 or not...I mean I know I'm HSV1+, but I'm not sure if what she saw was just dry skin or something like that. I need to make a doctor's appointment and make sure before I tell her, or maybe I'd be better off telling her everything I know and if she accepts that to invite her to go to the doctor with me? She's a paramedic, so hopefully she'd be sympathetic to the common occurrence of this. I just feel so...ugh...horrible. I just wanna' be able to smile and not have this on my shoulders, I need to talk to her ASAP, should I just tell her what I know, or find out for sure first?

Answer:
I'm sorry, I don't completely understand. Your doctor told you that you had HSV1, which is usually on the mouth (but he also said you're clean?). I'm wondering why you thought it was safe to have oral sex with someone. If I read this wrong, please correct me, but it sounds like you knew you had some type of herpes, yet you put your mouth on her genitals and put your genitals in her mouth. How is that safer than having sex? At the time I was with the doctor I had NEVER had ANY sort of genital outbreak of any sorts. He agreed that the HSV1 that showed up on the blood test was probably just exposure as a kid and NOT to worry about anything. This is why I feel HORRIBLE right now and I deserve every emotion I have for not being straight forward with her about my whole ex-situation. I feel like crawling in a hole and not coming out for a very long time now.

Answer:
If you have HSV1, even if you've had it since you are were a child (as apparently many people have), you can still pass it on. Whether you got it as a child or from your ex doesn't really matter. What matters is that you have it, and you can pass it to someone's mouth or genitals.

Telling her is another story, but I think it's best to tell the truth. If she feels betrayed and runs, well, you have to deal with it. If you don't tell her and she stays, she'll find out eventually when she gets it, and you'll feel worse (and she'll feel even worse than you). The good part is that if she leaves because you were dishonest with her, you can start fresh and be honest with your next partner, and will not have to carry around your guilt and despair.

Answer:
I think that you need to be straight forward with her. Tell her what you think is going on, tell her what you know is going on. Asking her to go to the Dr. is a good idea to...if anything for moral support.

Most importantly you can't beat yourself up over your past, and nor should she. Fear can cause us to do crazy things, keep truths from being known....don't crawl into that little hole.

Answer:
Unfortunately, when it comes to herpes the doctors are not very helpful. There a plenty of people on here who have said that the doctors downplayed hsv1 so much so that they don't even think that it's a big deal. I mean how bad could it be when they have cold sore medicine at the register at Walgreens. But the truth of the matter is the only difference between hsv1 and 2 is the stigma attached. Since you didn't have the "bad" herpes (hsv2) your doctor led you to believe that it wasn't a big deal. Truthfully, it isn't but you do need to know that you can still pass this on to other people especially during oral sex. For the record genital hsv1 is now the fastest growing form of herpes in America. I think it's because we are all told that it's no big deal, well now you realize it is. Don't beat yourself up, I have hsv1 and 2 and when I was diagnosed my doctor told me no big deal, it wasn't until I did my own research that I realized that was a lie. The only thing you can do now is be very honest with your gf. Tell her you were told that you thought you were exposed but didn't have the virus (although I hope you now know that's bs). I'm a little confused by your post, because it seems like you have genital hsv1. If there were bumps present during the oral than you were probably having an ob which ups the risk of you passing it on. If you guys have been together a month even if she's tested she may test negative since it take approx. 3 months to test positive. At this point, honesty is all you have. You may have given her the gift, own up to it, apologize (although that may do little) and be there for her. Do your research because once you tell here she's going to have questions, so try to have the answers for her.

Answer:
are you sure the only difference between HSV 1 and 2 is the stigma? from what i've been told and read about on the internet---which is probably questionalable too...1 prefers the mouth and 2 prefers the genitals, which would make them different in some form and could that be because of genetic makeup? also, don't they share about 50% of the same DNA. trying to understand for myself:)