Question:
I have been dating a guy for about a year now and I really like him. Over the course of a year he has never openly communicated with me about much. However today he told me he has herpes. We have had unprotected sex over the course of a year. but he said not during out breaks "what the hell is that" Why didn't he tell me before?! I could have made my own choice. How likely am I to have the virus? what is shedding? I have experienced a slight itch but i just thought it was a bump it didnt hurt or anything and didn't itch for a long time (just needed a bath) does that mean anything? Why didn't he tell me. how likely is it i have the disease? I have never had a STD and I am terrified.
Please help

Angry, Scared and Confused

Answer:
First off without question you should break up with this guy. Its absolutley inexcusable to not tell you that he had it. You may or may not have it, but it doesn't matter that dude is a horrible person. Viral shedding is when the virus is active on the skin, but there is no outbreak. There is no exact number of days a year this occurs but the average is 15% of the days. Thats like 60 days a year. Basically you should go get a blood test done and please leave that guy for the love of god. Please be strong

Answer:
So does that mean you should tell your new partner the second you get together?Cant u just have protected sex and then tell them later in the relationship once u know that the two of u are happy?

Answer:
You can still transmit the virus with "protected" sex, so you really need to tell someone before hand.

Of course, that doesn't mean right away. It just means before you sleep together. I've found that so far it has kept me from sleeping with men who I found probably weren't a good match after all...

Answer:
I've found that so far it has kept me from sleeping with men who I found probably weren't a good match after all... WOW!! Isn't that the truth!! It's amazing how your feelings can change after you get to know more about the person. Physical attraction can be SOOO confused for LOVE!!! In fact, I met a guy back in April of 2004, who I thought "was the one"!! lol.....well......now after having spent time around him, just as a friend (we were getting close and I put the breaks on in the beginning). I have been impressing upon him how important a true friendship was to me first and that has been working like a charm. I didn't have to go there quite yet. I am so much more than herpes. So for now, he and I have become good friends and I'm now not so sure that I want to have a physical "relationship" with him. There's just a few things about him, that I don't think are "match" material for me and my son. So for now, he is fine with being my friend and who knows, he might even decide that he still wants to take this friendship to another level and if not, I'm not heartbroken about it. :-) I've gained a great friend.

Luanne

Answer:
I have been dating a guy for about a year now and I really like him. Over the course of a year he has never openly communicated with me about much. However today he told me he has herpes. We have had unprotected sex over the course of a year. but he said not during out breaks "what the hell is that" Your guy really should learn more about herpes and realize that he can still transmit this virus even if he isn't having an obvious breakout. Sadly, many people who get herpes are misinformed by their doctors and not given all the details or facts. Plus, when they are told that they have herpes, they are usually in such a state of shock, that they wouldn't have even heard what the Doc had to say anyway. Sadly, this happens to many many people who find out "the hard way".

Why didn't he tell me before?! No excuse, but I think he didn't really understand the virus. He needs to get educated. http://www.yoshi2me.com

I could have made my own choice. How likely am I to have the virus? You are so right, you could have made your own choice and he should have told you. Most people who have herpes, were never told either. Many of us have learned a valuable lesson of not being so quick to get into a physical relationship. I can't stress how important it is to be tested for any/all types of STD's. The bad thing about STD's is that people can have it and not even be aware of it. The other part too, is that when you go to the Dr or public health clinic and say "I want to be tested for all STD's", that herpes is NOT part of the standard screening.

what is shedding? The herpes virus makes its home in the nerve cells of an infected person. At times, the virus creeps along the nerves up to the surface of the skin. This process is called "viral shedding," or just "shedding." During shedding, the virus can be passed on to others by direct skin-to-skin contact, especially from anal, oral, or vaginal sex. Sometimes shedding is accompanied by symptoms, such as the characteristic herpes blisters. But sometimes shedding occurs without any noticeable symptoms; this is referred to as "asymptomatic shedding."

There aren't any obvious symptoms or sensations when a person is experiencing asymptomatic shedding, it's virtually impossible to tell when s/he is contagious. Consequently, the majority of herpes transmission ? up to 70 percent ? occurs during periods without any evident symptoms, when intimate or sexual contact may be more frequent. However, if herpes blisters are present, shedding is definitely taking place and precautions need to be taken, such as temporarily avoiding intimate or sexual contact with others, to prevent spreading the virus.

Because asymptomatic shedding is invisible to the naked eye, exactly how often it occurs is hard to pin down. Researchers, however, estimate that shedding (both with and without symptoms) occurs on between 20 and 40 percent of days in the first six months after initial infection and on 5 to 20 percent of days after this time. Studies have also found that 50 percent of asymptomatic shedding occurs in the 7 days before and after an outbreak with noticeable symptoms. Because the frequency of these obvious outbreaks is highly variable, it is likely that the frequency of asymptomatic shedding also varies from person to person. But regardless of how often it happens, all people carrying the herpes virus experience periods of shedding at one time or another.

Although keeping close track of contagious periods is practically impossible, medications are available that greatly reduce shedding and therefore substantially lower the risk of herpes transmission. Individuals who are considering taking medicine to decrease (but not eliminate) the risk of passing herpes on to others should discuss this option with their health care provider.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's National STD & AIDS Hotline
1.800.227.8922 (24/7)

American Social Health Association (ASHA)
http://www.ashastd.org/hrc/educate.html

National Herpes Hotline
919.361.8488 [9am - 6pm (EST), Mon ? Fri]

Herpes Resource Center
1.800.230.6039

I have experienced a slight itch but i just thought it was a bump it didnt hurt or anything and didn't itch for a long time (just needed a bath) does that mean anything? The best way to find out for sure is to have one of the blood tests done:
There are currently two blood tests available that can give accurate results for herpes. Like any blood test, these tests cannot determine whether the site of infection is oral or genital. However, since most cases of genital herpes are caused by HSV-2, a positive result for type-2 antibodies most likely indicates genital herpes. For the most accurate result, it is recommended to wait at least 12 - 16 weeks from the last possible expose to herpes before getting an accurate blood test to allow enough time for antibodies to develop.

These accurate tests are:

HSV-1 and HSV-2 tests from Focus Technologies (formerly MRL Diagnostics).
Herpes Western blot


Why didn't he tell me. how likely is it i have the disease? He could have been in denial. Sadly, that happens. You might want to read some of the "true stories" on this website http://www.yoshi2me.com to gain insight as to the "why nots".

I have never had a STD and I am terrified. I understand totally. Hopefully, if all you got was herpes, then you are lucky. It could be worse or life threatening. There are many of us out here who will be there for you no matter what. I'm glad you are concerned enough to look into it.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Luanne[/url]

Answer:
Don't be too hard on him. I have had herpes for 18 years during which time I have had short term and long term partners. I have never told any of them I am infected with the virus. It is not very easy to talk about with someone you love and someone whose opinion is very important to you.

Touch wood, I have never infected any of my partners. I'm sure you will be OK.

Answer:
I have never told any of them I am infected with the virus. . I've had herpes for 17+ years and felt the same way you did in the beginning. Then I came out of my denial. It's a wonderful thing!!! You should try it. Ya know, what you're doing is totally unacceptable. I'm sorry, but I had to comment on this post........

It is not very easy to talk about with someone you love and someone whose opinion is very important to you.. I agree 100pct, but you truly do HAVE to do it. It's the right thing to do is to have "the talk". Check out yoshi2me.com and read the "herpes stories" section.

Touch wood, I have never infected any of my partners. I'm sure you will be OK. But how do you know this for sure that you've never infected anyone? You don't do ya? Do you live your life this dangerously all the time?

Luanne

Answer:
Luanne, I agree the right thing to do is to tell sexual partners - I am just saying it is not easy as you are undoubtedly aware - because you said you kept quiet at first.

I wish I could be more courageous, but I am not I am just a scared human being like lots of others.

Anyway, let's keep the infection risk in perspective. First 25% of adults are infected, but 90% are unaware of it. So that means over 22% of people are infected, and infecting others unknowingly. Up to 70% of new infections are from partners with no clinical signs or symptoms of herpes.

Secondly, if a woman is infected and a man is not and there is no intercourse during outbreaks, no condoms used and no antiviral medicine taken, transmission is about 4% per year. If condoms are used risk drops to 2% per year.

I will try to pluck up the courage to tell my current boyfriend. But I am certainly not going to criticise others for keeping quiet.