Question:
So how do I get past this? I am a basket case, crying all the time,
probably buggin the crap out of my friends. I just want comforting woreds. Been dating a new guy a little over a month. He lives an hour away so I will probably never just run into him. It was a blind date and seemed to be just the thing we both were looking for. We were getting along great, lots in
common, very attracted to one another. It had been a long time since
I had feelings like these for another man. All it took was a kiss and
I was ready for more. We fooled around a little, but no sexual
intercourse. He kept saying there were lots of things we could to
besides that. I have genital, not oral so I didn't see any problem
with having some fun that way. Now I question if that was wrong. It
was in the back of my mind this whole time being with him and I just
knew I wanted to do things right this time. No secrets and no lies. I
thougth he would respond differently. I wish I had waited to tell him
a few more weeks or maybe I told him wrong.....not sure. I kind of
panicked in the middle and I am sure that just made him panic about
it. I told him I wanted him to have the choice on his own and that I
just wanted it out in the open before we went any further. He was
shocked. The look on his face killed me. He told me not to worry
about it and he would call me in a couple of days. He said he had
some thinking to do. Well, no calls. No messages. Will not return my
calls or messages. NOTHING! How could I have been so wrong to have
trusted him with this information. I just want the truth from him. It
has only been five days, which we really weren't talking every day
anyway. I was taking it slow (so I thought). Any views or advice on
what may be going on in his mind. I know no one knows but him but has
this happened to any of you and you maybe got an answer from the
other perrson? The not knowing is the worse. I am wanting to call so
bad but am holding off. I don't want to push him to hating me, if he
doesn't already. Could he be mad about the oral sex? I told him I had
never had breakouts in or around my mouth. Does that matter? Please,
help me calm my thoughts......

Answer:
Hi Orangeblossom,

I don't know what this guy is thinking, but you are to be commended for telling him.

A lot of people don't and I really admire people on this site that do even when they have been rejected in the past.

You told him before you had sex and he was not at risk during oral sex. Even though it's scary, I would give him a call and see what decision he has come to. The least he can do is tell you one way or the other.

The reason you need to know is even though it's painful you need closure and if he does say no, you need to know why exactly and how you can tell your next partner better if that's the case. Learn something fromt he experience of telling him.

I believe treating the disease very normally, letting him know that 1 out of 5 people have H, most people won't tell you they have it and telling the guy that if you practice safe sex, don't have sex during outbreaks and are on medication the risk is about 1%. I believe this is the way to approach it and put it into perspective.

You've probably heard this already, but you do have to have faith and if he doesn't want to be with you he truly is not the right person for you.
You want someone who you love and who loves you. It's hard to hear, but if says no he doesn't love you enough and he's not the one. Don't waste your honesty and integrity on this guy if that happens.

Let me know how it goes after you call him. It may be a very difficult conversation, but I for one think it's worth finding out. Otherwise you have told him a very private piece of information and you have no feedback. No one deserves that.

Regards,

Laney.

Answer:
I am scared to call. I told him last Sunday. At the time he was okay with it (so he said). I have messaged his phone and actually called and left a voice mail (as he didn't answer). Why would I keep calling. My mother says it looks like I am getting my answer by him not calling or answering my messaging. I feel like I should just walk away and move on to whatever God has in store for me. Of course a big part of me wants him to just be thinking about it and trying to decide and he will call. I left a message the time I called and said I was not shutting any doors with us. I have been responsible in telling. I had hoped he would just read and think about it and realize it isn't that big of a deal. Of course, my crying and feeling down has been a part of it from day one. He was not the first guy I told and I have had this same reaction every time. But they all have eventually called me later on and actually had a relationship with me. I just hope this is the case this time. I don't want to push him away by demanding answers and phone calls. He may think I am a bit obsessive maybe? I don't know. Going to a bachelorette party tonight! I have other guys calling me so it isn't like I don't have options. I just clicked with this guy and I thought he did too. These other guys calling I am just not interested in like I was the other guy. Isn't that always the case. Well, thanks for your words of encouragement. They really helped a lot! I'll keep you informed! My yahoo id is orangeblossom85.

Answer:
I am so sorry you had a bad experience "having the talk". It is always scary. Almost all of my "talks" went well, but the two that went badly made me a little gun shy. The first bad one said he could handle it , but he disappeared, the 2nd bad one reacted really angry. I was like--damn i have you do not and i am telling you, so why are you so damn angry?? my first good experience was with a guy in the military, he asked what we needed to do and we had a great relationship and broke for reason that had nothing to do with lil h.

i always tell prior to any oral and or genital contact. You have genital but most people really have both as we interact with both. Remember lack of sore does not mean not shedding. Its a gamble and with so many people having it without knowing---there is someone right now rejecting someone due to it when in fact they already have it--just have not been tested.

You will be fine. You have to work around lil h, but it will not ruin your life. I have had h since 1989, but this is the first group i have been a part of. It has been very helpful and I joined last month. Welcome to the family.

Answer:
well that is really wonderful feedback sassysista...

and i admire you for telling him. its hard...i have not been rejected, but i was lucky. the first time i had to tell anyone was about two weeks ago...a guy that ive been talking to. come to find out...he has it too...so it makes it a whole lot easier.

keep up the good work. you sound intelligent and brave. he may not deserve you. remember...."rejection is Gods protection". :) :wink:

Answer:
Well, I went out to my friend's bachelorette party Saturday night.
Had a BLAST!!!! I danced so much I was sore Sunday from my toes to my
hands. Great exercise! What was amazing was I used to date this guy
from that town about 10 years ago. There he was! We only went out a
couple of times and it just stopped...no real reason. We just lost
contact. Anyway, I got up the nerve to give him my number by the end
of the night and then we watched a movie together Sunday night! It
was a nice evening. Of course, in my mind I still want to contact the
other guy who I had my "H" conversation over week ago who won't
respond to my calls or messages. Well, yesterday I was sitting at my
desk and just picked up my phone and messaged him asking if he was
okay. I sat there waiting for a response.....he did!!!!!! It wasn't
much but at least he isn't ignoring me. To me, that is a step
forward. He said he was okay, but was at work. I just wrote back "oky
doky". Now, I will sit back and be patient. Have perserverence. My
devotional this morning was about just that...perserverence. It also
made me realize maybe I shouldn't have messaged him yesterday. Oh
well, too late to worry about it. But now I can't do anything else.
It is really not my choice anymore, it is God's will with what
happens here. I have done all I can do to make this right and honest.
Nothing more I should do. Of course it makes it easier that I got a
backup! I'm keeding! I do have a better outlook this week. After
Saturday night I realized I don't have to be disrespected over "H". I
respect myself and demand more of others around me and myself. I hope
anyone else out there who is newly diagnosed and is confused, just
know down the road it will get better. You will go through some
emotional times but they won't last as long. A great web site I found
was www.westoverheights.com. Try it. Great reading. Everyone have a
great day!

Answer:
Well, I hate to keep boo hooing over this....but just heard from the
girl who set me up with my last dude who won't talk to me. Found out
he told her I wanted to get too serious. He needed to slow it down a
bit. Hmmmmmm...right! I know the truth and he knows the truth. He
just wanted a roll in the hay and when it got sticky, he couldn't
handle it. He is not the only guy I see so why does he think I want
to get serious. I also just recently got out of a 3 year
relationship. I guess he used that excuse instead of telling her what
I told him. I guess he did keep my secret. Hmmmmmm...doesn't make it
feel any better. Terrible. I will stay calm and perservere! Only good
things can come of me trusting in my choice and moving on. I can't
look back now. I have come too far. Well, just wanted to vent a bit.
I am just so mad but at myself. If I hadn't told him, we would still
at least be seeing one another on occasion. Wouldn't that be better
than nothing? So quick to be brought down again after having such a
great weekend.....

Answer:
The guy I ran into over the weekend was just a friend really. I think
we may have kissed goodnight that was it. I believe that was around
the time I found out about my "H". He said I stopped talking to
him....can't remember. Too long ago. All I know, is I do know there
will be someone to love me for me. The last guy I was in a very long
term relationship knew and he could care less. He still is trying to
get me to come back but never will that happen. I did ask him just
last week why it never bothered him and he said because he loved me.
Well, I was glad to hear that as it made me realize it is possible
for someone else to love me even though I have this. But, he cheated
and lied so his love was still not healthy. I do demand more for
myself than someont cheating multiple times and never admitting to it
even after getting caught redhanded. I read "Our Daily Bread" every
day. It was regarding perserverance, something I have a hard time
with. I always want a quick fix. It was like it was for me and only
me but I will share. Impatient? Call on God. Do all you can to repair
a wrong. Then wait patiently for Him to do His healing, restoring
work. Don't rely on quick fixes. I don't regret messaging him
yesterday, but I know now that I have done all I can do. I was mature
and responsible and honest. When we were together, I was funny,
caring, supportive, and we had great conversations. I don't believe I
can do much more. Now I just have to take care of myself. This web
site has opened my eyes tremendously. For 10 years I have had this
and NEVER communicated with anyone else who had it. My friends and
family tried to comfort me but this is the real thing, this web site.
You all have helped me in ways you wouldn't imagine. Great support
system. Well, gotta go. Take care and I'll keep you informed on my
Soap Opera!

Answer:
i would have acted the same if the girl i got herpes 1 and 2 from had told me, she had it. I am paranoid of deseased, been depressed and don't go out anymore, and have had a continous outbreak for over 8 months. I will probably kill myself some time,as i was never outgoing anyways and don't see myself ever having a relationship as i could never tell someone, and at the same time could never infect someone else. You are a cool ass person for telling him, i wish there were more people like you out there!