Question:
A little background first--I an a senior in age citizen. I have had cold sores as long as I can remember as did many members of my family and people i know. Just thought they were one of the unpleasant parts of life not a STD.

My late husband and I didn't engage in oral sex during an OB but otherwise thought nothing of it.

I found a wonderful new guy after 7 years of widowhood and life was almost perfect.

Then I was cleaning out a closet and something fell out and split my lip.

I was taking a long time to heal but I thought nothing of it, it wasn't particularly painful.

I had never mentioned cold sores to my partner, just never thought of it. He did ak me if this was a cold sore and I said no. BUT it did turn into one and that was the end of that relationship--a violation of trust issue and a medical one. He had a heart condition and had read that herpes contributed to the death rate of heart attacks.

Then he told me that his wife of ten years had had them and had been careful.

Now the question. I do find it hard to believe that he lived with someone in a normal sexual relationshipfor ten years and isn't a carrier. Is this possible?

I now know that cold sores should be discussed when the topic of sexually transmitted diseases comes up if ever again--a very heartbreaking lesson.

Answer:
It's possible he isn't a carrier. But not probable. I read that by the age of 50 90 percent of people have herpes, so... A lot of people are carrier asymptomatically. He should have gotten tested regularly, as his wife was a carrier and could have infected him even when she didn't have a cold sore.

So this guy thought he was informed, because he knew something about increased risk for heart attacks? But he knew nothing about how he could contract the virus? He seems like a a very misinformed person. At least that's my impression of the matter.
And the heart attack thing seems a bit shortsighted, firstly because they still need to do research on it, secondly there are so many things that increase risk of heart attack. Did he stop eating salt entirely, and all saturated fats? Did he work out regularly? Did he never have sex? Etc. If I were him, I'd prefer to live another ten years in happiness with the person I love, than to live another 20 years in solitude. But that's just me...
As for the trust issue:if he was so concerned about herpes, then why didn't he ask you if you had it? Most people don't care about cold sores at all, so how should you have guessed that it was important?

This guy is an exception though: most people worry about genital herpes and associate it with promiscuity, while coldsores are seen as normal and harmless. If you ask a doctor to test you for STDs usually he won't include a herpes test. And most people DON'T talk about coldsores when discussing STDs (although maybe they should, especially to avoid giving eachother genital herpes)

I'm very sorry that you had this bad experience! But, to be absolutely blunt, considering how the guy reacted, good riddance! I hope you find someone better who makes you happy, and who doesn't care about cold sores.

Answer:
Thanks for your reply. You made my day a little brighter.

My head keeps saying good ridance too, but my heart isn't in it yet.
I wish when this first came up that I knew about the testing as I would have asked him to get one before the virus would have had time to make antibodies from our encounter. Well another two weeks to go to see if i infected him and he has an outbreak.

He does work out but eats more red meat than I would approve of if I were his doctor. He did not know about the herpes heart attack conection until last week--God bless the internet huh?

It's going to be a long two weeks, but if he doesn't have one my guilty feelings will be much less.

Answer:
He should get tested (Western Blot test only) to see if he's infected (and if it's a recent infection, I think they can tell). Just waiting for an outbreak won't do much good: he could just as well be infected (by you, or his ex-wife) and not have symptoms, ever.

As for the herpes heart attack connection: I'm not sure if this has been extensively proven, or if it's a high risk. The only site where I read that, mentioned a lot of other possible consequences. And considering how many people have this virus, everybody should be dropping dead I think...
The guy sounds paranoid to me...

And I'll repeat: if this was so important to him, he should have asked you about it! He can't just assume that you'll guess that this is an important issue to him.
I've been very worried about having HSV1 myself (without symptoms) because of possible infection of other body parts and infecting my boyfriend, but my boyfriend couldn't care less! Some people care about cold sores, most don't.

Answer:
letchi, thank you again. I just sent an e-mail. I hope he hasn't blocked me as he hasn't been answering me.

Answer:
Let us know what happens...

Good luck!

Answer:
the guy should forgive you and if he had any sense he would have listened to your reasoning. If his wife had cold sores then he probably has the herpes virus and just doesnt know it. You can be a carrier and not know. If he does have it and has had it for a long time you can be mad at him for not telling you that he could potentially be infected with herpes himself. Thats the kind of sense that it sounds like this guy has. :x