Question:
hi everyone!

I was a member about a year ago under the name lovely 79. Haven't been here in awhile and could use some guidance.

i guess I must have been pretty bummed out about being diagnosed with hsv2. At this point I'm not sure why I ever was. i've went on with my life and pretty much do anything and everything I did before.

Well, I thought I had met the man of my dreams. Sweet, perfect, and I thought he had accepted me for who I was. i've been dating him for over a year now.

Now whenever we get into a fight he tells me that he's going to tell everyone, ruin my career (he works with me), and basically threatens me with everything that he knows about me. This is my truely first situation dealing with love. Never been in love and yes he was my first love. But now it just seems like things keep escalating.

I'm truely afraid of the situation I've gotten myself into and I'm not sure what to do.

My mom says (I'm 26) that she's putting her foot down and says that she wishes i didn't see him anymore. And I completely agree with her. But what's holding me back was the good times that we did have and the fact that I guess he could possibly ruin my career and tell all of my friends at work.

What should I do?

thanks for any help.

Answer:
What should you do? You are old enough to know the answer to that question. You are enabling him to treat you that way and unless you do something about it it'll just continue and will get worse.
FYI...Love isnt abusive, love isnt manipulative and love isnt hatefull. You are infatuated with him, you dont love him. How can you truely love someone that treats you that way..and if he truely loved you he wouldnt BE treating you that way. Just get out. Can leaving him possibly be any worse than staying with him? It'll hurt at first but shortly after it will only get better. Trust me. 10 years ago I lived with a man that was mean and manipulative and abusive, I kicked his ass out of our house, started hanging out with my friends again..started having alot of fun. Then I stopped and thought "Why in the hell I was with him in the first place, was I brain dead? Did I go retarded for 2 years?". I couldn't think of any reason other than I thought I loved him. But after getting away from him I realized..I didnt love him at all, you cant really love someone that treats you that way. Now its 10 years later, I'm married to a wonderfull man, we have two gorgeous boys, a house, a life and I'm happy. THAT is love.
Stand up tall, tell him to KISS YOUR ASS and make him leave. And if you dont do these things and allow this behaivor to continue, you have noone to blame but yourself.

Answer:
Thanks for that reply.

He wasn't always this way. and I know that i did love him. i had planned to marry him in the beggining. Now I know that there's no way that I could marry him.

but my problem is is that I told him that I had hsv2 in the very beggining. He didn't have any problem, actually he told me that it was no big deal. Now it's a big deal, and now he is trying to control me with it.

So, should I not be afraid that he could tell everyone at work? My enitre family? That he could actually ruin my career?

I mean I have no problems having it anymore. I've come to the conclusion myself that it's no big deal. BUT there is a social stigma behind it that it's bad, etc. I don't want people to make comments about me after leaving the bathroom (when you can't catch it that way) I don't want people to be afraid or think that I'm dirty behind my back.

So that's my dilemma really. Yes I do really care about him........but I just can't let my feelings grow. ANd it's hard. I just received flowers from him and he called and said he just wanted to put a smile on my face.

I am confused.

Answer:
I would definately dump him if he's trying to control you by threats. I would tell everyone he's just a bad sport and making it up because you dumped him. I'd laugh, act surprised and turn it around to make him look bad. I'd think most people would think that was pretty low class of him to go around saying things like that, true or not true.
Before you break up with him, I'd tell him just that. That if he was going to go around saying that, he's going to look like a real creep, and that you'll just deny it. What he's doing is abuse, and forget the good times you had. You can have good times by yourself without being hurt, and you can find someone better when the time is right.

Answer:
that is the stupidist thing I have ever heard. He is going to tell everyone at work that his girlfriend has herpes? wouldn't that mean that he probably has it to, or at least has been sleeping with someone with it for a year? he would be digging his own grave with that one cuz everyone will assume he also has it. what a moron!

Answer:
I agree with Chaos.. I think he would definitely be digging his own grave.

lovely 79,

I was in the same situation that you are in now about a year ago with a guy that was not a very nice person towards the end. I think mostly I was in a state of shock because he was such a great person there at the beginning. I just kept remembering how much fun we had at the beginning and totally ignored what was currently going on. I finally was able to convince myself that he was an asshole and the person that I met was just an asshole pretending to be a nice guy. I would definitely move on and instead of beating yourself up for being with this guy realize what really happened- HE mislead you into thinking he was what you wanted.

I still have friends laughing about how I ever got duped into believing he was ever something special. The sooner you break things off with him the sooner you can find that wonderful person that treats you like you deserve to be treated!