Question:
I didn't tell one guy I slept with... And yes, I know I'm a horrible person.
Back then, I didn't think it was a big deal, since I had not had an outbreak in 6 months, and I was completely free of any symptoms. I thought using a condom would protect him, but I did let him go down on me.
Initially it was just going to be a one-time thing, but we slept together several times after that. By the second time, I felt it was already too late, and I didn't have the heart to tell him.
This was several months ago, and I haven't talked to him since last month. So far he hasn't mentioned anything, but I'm really afraid I might have given it to him, in which case he will hate me forever like I hate the guy who gave it to me. The guilt is killing me, and it's eating me alive. I don't know if I should tell him now, advise him to get a test... He could've been infected and still not know. Sure that sounds like the right thing to do... but if he wasn't infected, why let another person know about my secret? How likely is it to infect your partner when using a condom, without any symptoms at all?

On the second thought, maybe he had something on his own, because he didn't let me go down on him which I thought was very very odd for a guy.

Those of you who are torn to tell your partner, please do. The momentary shame is probably far less painful than the guilt of not telling them. I wish I can turn back time... all the way to before I got this big old scarlet letter H.

Answer:
I told my boyfriend the day after I found out. You must be completely honest with whoever you are with. It is not fair. I contracted H1 from someone who was not honest with me. I can't control the fact that I kissed a few people during the time I had it but did not know. But as soon as I found out I asked them to get tested as well. They did not. My b/f did. And he is negative. It is their life not yours. YOu have no right to control whether or not they get H. You need to be upfront with them. I can believe this.... This is how I got this. People that want to have their fun without giving a thought to the other person's life.

Answer:
i've been navigating these waters for a while now and have learned much from experience. what you can do is start a conversation about stds. say you know, it's been a while since I have been tested for everything and wouldn't it be a good idea for us to do so since we are progressing in our relationship. then you can ask if he has ever thought he might have something and has ever had the blood test for hsv. Most people have not but they still think there clear because they think they have been tested or they don't have huge scary sores all over there junk. I have a guy friend who has slept with god knows how many women which he picks up from bars. he told me he doesn't have herpes because he got tested for everything, even had a blood test. well I know that hsv testing is NEVER done unless it is specifically requested. the blood test is for hiv and syphilys. many people don't know they have it. When I first got it I had my initial outbreak which was extremly mild, I went to my gyno they tested it and it came back negative. I could have told myself it was just an ingrown hair but I am to in touch with my physical and mental health to not know what was going on or to admit it to myself. anyways I digress, my point is most people don't know they have it anyways and if you both go get tested then you can find out where you stand and go from there. after you get your results back you can play the ignorance card (which starts the relationship off with dishonesty and sucks) or you can come clean at that point. another way to do it is to say a few years ago I slept with someone who had herpes and I'm not sure if I have it or not, maybe we should both go get tested. these solutions arn't perfect and slightly dishonest. but i'm not going to lecture you on the importace of disclosure. its a little late in the game and everyone makes mistakes. one thing I know is if you want to build a relationship with him you have to talk about it at some point. some pople if they like you enough won't care but many more will. well good luck and let us know how it goes.

Answer:
I was diagnosed last month so I'm still new with this telling thing. I'm inclined to just be open and honest. But reading these messages is making me feel like maybe I'm a little naive about how people are going to react, that maybe it is better to start the conversation with the blood test suggestion. I'd like to hear about other partners reactions when people have been upfront, the good and the shitty.

I'm kind of bracing myself for the worst when I do tell. But I also keep telling myself this is a good filter for the people that don't care about you...

Answer:
I think the bottom line is, if they cant adapt, and accept, its their loss. and it's pointless to mourn those who cannot accept you for who/what you are. if someone truly loves u, they'll work around it. if they cannot or will not adapt or accept, find someone who can.