Question:
I know it probably isnt good tact to make a thread as a first post, but i finally got motivation to join a site where i can talk about hsv, and now i have something to talk about

I have been getting stronger and stronger feelings for someone with whom I'm amazingly good friends with. After a ton of discussion, we finally decided to go on an actual date, not just go hang out. She didn't know I've had herpes on my lip all my life (was infected by a grandparent while an infant).

I've been wanting to tell her for some time. and in a conversation last nite, she was saying everything seemed too good to be true, and was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I knew I couldnt NOT tell her, especially since I didnt even have to be the one bringing it up!

Being as her mother also has the disease (I did not ask how), she understood all the things that go with the situation. She even thanked me for telling her before things got serious.

Now today, she was being distant, and when I asked if we were still going to be on for our date, I was told that she will be unable to persue a relationship, and only a friendship, that she is a hypochondriac, and that her health comes first. And I understand that. I just had to sit and pretend it was all ok while I was being gutted and broken.

Our date has been downgraded, so she didn't entirely cancel on me...But the fact is, I've put so much thought and emotion into this, I don't understand how to just let it be that way when there was obviously a good amount of spark.

How can I approach this and ask her to reconsider, without seeming just selfish and seeming like I only care about my own feelings?

Answer:
she should get tested to find out if she carries the hsv1 virus befor she makes any decision. chances are she won't though because she probably thinks there is no way she has it, even though statistics show she probably does. if she cares enough about you she will get tested.

Answer:
we discussed this, because i know the statistics of having something, no matter how minor, in the category of hsv. she feels since she has never had a cold sore she shouldnt have to, and as much as i want to argue, i'm afraid i cant. the fact that she cried about the situation shows me she cares, alot.

i am just getting more confused, because the more time we have since our talks on the matter, the more and more i miss her despite her still being around, and i realize how much more i liked her than i let on. i think part of a hopeless romantic in me is hoping she'll change her mind on her own, but i dont know.

Answer:
Well, this is how i see it...I told my bf about my HSV, which is not on my lip, 2 weeks after we first started dating. We hadn't done anything too sexual...and even though he is the cleanest guy when it comes to sex, he still saw the love we could have and we've been together for 1.5 years, after having a rough couple of weeks after i told him. You need to educate your girl about this issue, the more "in the know" she feels, the less likely she'll be afraid. REmember, people only fear what they don't know!
Lots of Luck,
LLTJ

Answer:
i thought of that as well. But seeming as its something a loved one of hers deals with, i'm sure she knows.

What i dont/cant understand, is, since a loved one of hers suffers the same thing, how would the girl i care for feel, if a man her family member with H cared about and was interested in, refused to want her anymore once he found out? that man would instantly be a villain.

but i asked again, and the answer stands. so i'll have to move on and hope to find someone who can care about me, and accept me for what i am. i deserve that much, no matter how much i care about this girl. if she cant care about me anymore once i tell her, then she's the one missing out on a great person.

Answer:
Thats interesting post, becuase I bascially dumped a girl after I found out that she has HSV-1 orally. (you can go read my post about it here)
I guess you could say I'm a hypocondriac also, and I've always been like this to some degree. I totally understand how that freaks her out, and there is not so much you could do.

I however dumped my girlfriend but did take her back after letting the whole situation sink in and can say that I'm more in love with her now then ever. But I think the only reason I was able to take her back and take the risk of catching the HSV-1 because I was already very much in love with her before finding this out and we had been intimate together for 3 weeks. I also was exposed to the virus 3 weeks and thought I probably have it already or would of caught it.

If you and her were not intimate yet, then I honestly think in less she gets tested for HSV-1 and she has the virus, you probably can't convince her otherwise.
I'd say to get her the test, and explain to her and show her that if you havev HSV-1 already it doesn't matter so much that you have it. Although even if she has HSV-1 antibodies, and HSV-1 orally, that doesn't mean she could catch your strain of HSV-1 which could cause her now symptoms.. so in a sense you would be fooling her.

But it will take a lot of love on her part to overlook this crazy disease (or how she looks at it) you have. YOu also have to understand that she will look at the HSV-1 like you have full blown AIDS. This is why you can't reason with a hypocondriac.

BUT you must also understand that she does without doubt face a risk of catching HSV-1 from you that could cause her serious problems or death if the virus spreads to the brain or eyes. EVEN if she has the HSV-1 virus. This is rare, but to a hypocondriac it is the likely result she will think by kissing you.


Hope this kind of helps you understand her situation better, honestly I'd move on and find another girl.

Answer:
H-500, you are really amazing. If I were the super hero I wish I were, had a mask and cape and all, I would swoop down and smack you. You post contradictory messages all over this board ("I was going to drop her at the end of the month anyway" / "I was only able to take her back because we are really in love"), you seek to discourage others, you strut around posing as an expert... You arrived here posting an amazingly hateful email to your "beloved" girlfriend who has the misfortune to get cold sores and then, when you started getting flack for it, you went in and deleted it from the post. This message board exists for people who are having trouble dealing with a highly stigmatized and emotionally stressful disease, not for monkeys and instant-faux-experts. Honestly, you spend a lot of time on a herpes chat room for someone who doesn't have herpes, and you make nasty comments where you should be keeping your mouth shut. Go find a message board about monkeys. They'll love you there.

Other guy, just be patient and keep communication lines open. It sounds like you have a stable base for a real relationship. If it doesn't work out with her, none of us have any hope. Good luck.

Answer:
OMG, what a gutless wonder...he did delete that awful latter he wrote to her (that poor, poor girl)...guess he couldn't take the heat of criticism. And I agree, of all the poeple on this site who should be giving advice to others, he is not it.

Michelle

Answer:
Every thread he responds to ends up being a thread about what a moron he is.