Question:
Hi,

Have been reading messages with interest as met a wonderful man earlier this year who told me he had genital herpes. We shared great times together as we got to know each other. I found out via health counsellor and my own GP all I could, and was tested (negative).

I'm wondering why, when I was totally OK about continuing our relationship especially sexually (safe of course) why he was/is so reluctant and seemingly not letting me make my choice of being in a sexual relationship with him. I know he still has a lot of resentment/anger about how he initially caught it -but he has now lived with it for over 20yrs.

Can anyone help me with advice on how I can convince him that I am totally OK with it because he is so wonderful ? How can I try to help him see that I should be able to have a choice in this ? He now says that he thinks he can only have a H partner. BTW, we are both in our 40's , have done the kids things and in my mind, at this age when you find someone really special - this is so insignificant for me. Help pleae - I know I don't fully understand as I have never had to live with it. But for me, I still think the small risk is totally worth it.

Answer:
But for me, I still think the small risk is totally worth it. I don't know why he has reacted in the way that he has.. all I can seem to think of at this point is that he doesn't want to be responsible if you contract herpes from him. Maybe the guilt is too much for him to handle.

In your defense, you have a right to have some say in the relationship and he has to respect your wishes and those parts that you are willing to give in order to add to your relationship. He has to see that it takes two to make it work and he can not be worried 24/7 that you might contract herpes from him if you are totally aware of the possibitlity that you might ultimately wind up with herpes.

Unless, there is something more to this and he is using herpes as an excuse not to be with you? I don't know what else to think about it really. What do you think?

Keep us posted, ok?

Angela :D

Answer:
if after 20 years he still holds resentment or anger about his contraction of H, then maybe he cares enough about you to not want you to ever feel the same way about him as he does about the person who gave it to him. It at least shows he cares about not only your health but about how u feel about him.