Question:
Well, I guess I should start by saying my husband cheated on my with my best friend, she was my matron of honor.... I was away for 2 months, and when I came home, he told me that he slept with her and contracted Herpes, at the time I was 22 and figured were married and were in love, if you only marry once, what difference does it make... Needless to say, I am now 26, were still married but I hate him and love him at the same time. I hate the fact that he had a RELATIONSHIP with someone who I once felt was my best friend, I hate that he didn't respect me or himself enough NOT to cheat and then to cheat without protection. Everyday I wake up in love and them REMEMBER that I have an incurable disease because of my husband's infidelity. I know that I chose to get it, but did I really have a choice, it was either be with the man you love and accept his mistake or live forever without the love of your life. Not a day goes by that it doesn't cross my mind, some days are better because I only think about it for a few minutes others I am crushed... He says that it's been four years I need to get over I chose to stay, I tell him that this is the ultimate betrayal and it takes time, I guess I just want input from people... Has anyone been in a similar situation, I need support, I am angry all the time, I feel empty
PLEASE REPLY.....

Answer:
I have been in a similar situation. I have to start by saying that I am not sure how I contracted herpes, I only have a suspicion. I married when I was 21 and went into the Army (I later received a medical chapter) and was away for six months. During this time my husbad had many affairs though I was unaware. I found out he had been unfaithful a few months after I came home when I ended up in the hospital with a PID infection. I thought that since I was married and didn't have to worry about STD's anymore. Needless to say we got a divorce. After I moved on and found someone very special I was happy with my ex told me that he had contracted herpes so me and my new boyfriend better go get tested. We did and I came back positive. Anyway, my ex denies this now. He said he was only saying that to mess with my new relationship. He did have a sore on his genitals that he went to go get a culture on but it had scabbed over when he went so I think it is possible he had a false negative. I told other individuals from my past about my diagnosis, and all but one or two went and got tested and came back negative. Anyway, regardless of if I got herpes from my then husband or not I do know how terribly painful it is to have a spouse cheat, aquire an STD, and then contract it yourself.

I'm not trying to say that what your husband did was right because it wasn't, in any way at all. He did admit to you about the affair though. I think this is a good thing given the situation. My ex was a liar and is to this day. Even though your husband made a HUGE mistake he came clean. He was honest and that's the first step towards rebuilding trust. He was also in fact giving you a choice, to stay or to go. You chose to stay. I'm not saying that you have to forgive your husband because you have every right not to but I think for you to have a healthy relationship you need to. It's up to you to decide. You can forgive, rebuild, and move on or you can view it as a deal breaker and get out but I don't think it's fair, to either of you, to let it effect your relationship to this degree four years later. I understand that herpes is a painful reminder but you've been married for at least four years and I'm sure that the two of you have many happy memories as well. If your husband has done all he can to earn back your trust and this has been the only major slip-up I think it might be time to try and let go of the anger and hurt you feel. Simply forgiving him may even help to ease your pain, there's power in it.

You don't have to agree with me and if you don't, that's okay. It's just my own opinion and thoughts. I hope that with time you are able to recover no matter what you do.