Question:
Hey Everyone!

Its been a long time since ive been here. Hard to believe that I have been living with herpes for two years...

I met a great guy that I am totally head over heels for. Just as I was getting ready to reveal my secret, he told me that he had warts. Since I beleive in karma, I totally accepted this and then also shared that I had herpes. Both of us have made a decision to give a relationship a shot. We both feel that we dont want to let a past mistake in both of our lives prevent us from being happy. Sounds great right? WRONG!

Much to my chagrin he revealed to his roomates that had herpes, without telling me. I was not very happy about this, however, this is only the start of the problem. His roomates absolutely hate me. They feel that if I really cared about him, that I wouldnt have exposed him to my disease (we had sex once and used protection and were VERY Careful). They demanded that he get tested, and quaranteened him to using one bathroom until the results came back. They were negative. Problem solved right? WRONG!

Since then we have made a decision to abstain from intercourse for both of our sakes until things get a bit more serious. As we all know, there are lots of fun things you can do that dont put either partner at risk. However, his roomates still hate me. They refuse to get to know me, or even let me come over to their house. They feel that I can "shed" my herpes on others just by being in the same room. When my man told him what the doctor had said about contracting herpes, they told him that the doctor was lying to him. WTF?

One of his roomates then told his girlfriend. Great, now suddenly even more people know about my secret. AND, he told her that I never told my guy I had herpes until AFTER we had sex. Now she thinks I am the devil incarnate, and all of them have grouped against me. I am not allowed to enter their home, go out with them, etc...

My man lives with them all and is no longer allowed to stay the night at my house. If he is with me for extended periods of time, they raise a fit. We live about an hour apart and only see each other on weekends due to our work schedules, but it makes it harder because of this situation. He always has to drive here and cant stay very long.

We are all adults and I feel we should be able to make our own choices. I dont feel like anyone has the right to make me feel as horrible as his friends have made me feel. Its hard enough to live with herpes and have succesful relationships. I am not a lepor. I dont spread herpes to everyone I come in contact with. I feel I am a good person, but none of this seems to matter -- all they can see is that im "herpes-infested." Im not even human to them.

Surprisingly none of them seem concerned with catching warts.

Lately im a complete mess. My self esteem is completly shot. Im insecure all the time, I feel like my spirit is "broken." Sometimes it dosnt seem worth pursuing relationships. I just need a lot of help and support. If anyone can email me at kbmmc@hotmail.com and help me out, id sure appreciate it. Any thoughts, suggestions, support.... ANYTHING. Isnt the first sign of getting better admitting that you need help?

THANKS!

Answer:
never allow someones ignorance to dominate who you are... don't give them or herpes that power...

or for fun.. use their bathroom.. and sit all over the furnature... fuck them...

I am wondering what your boyfriend is doing to protect you from them??? if he isn't doing anything than lose him... he should be your biggest cheerleader and if he can't sing your praises than kick him out of you choir....

Answer:
Thanks for the encourgement.

I truly hope that one day we can all get along and have no hang-ups about this herpes stuff. But its not going to happen for a long time. So, i mght as well buckle in, rely on myself to raise my self esteem, and just take it one day at a time.

Its really a shame there isnt "STD anonymous." Seriously...

Answer:
In NY it's a crime if you have an STD to have sex with someone before telling them what you have. It should also be a crime for someone to reveal you have an std without your permission.

Lose this guy. He should not have told his roommates. What else is he telling them.

Before you do I would blanket the place with herpes and std pamphlets.

Answer:
I agree that the boyfriend needs to be more vocal against his roommates on your behalf. I think it is pretty shitty the way they are all treating you. What a bunch of losers. I would be willing to bet that they have had their OWN run ins with STDS. YEah, and let's talk about WARTS too...THAT is even worse in that if a woman catches HPV, her chances of uterine cancer are HEIGHTENED. Mention that to these nazi fucks. God, sometimes I really hate people. Stupid people shouldn't breed!

I know it is hard, but don't let them get you down...or your self esteem. You are not a bad person. Fuck, you have been honest with this guy, and if he likes you , screw them. But if he can't stand up for you, screw him.

Answer:
:( I feel so bad for you to have to be going through this. But, the one thing I will say straight off the bat is, as you said before, we are adults, they are acting more like children. At what point do you (in this situation, he) become accountable for your own life. If he was strong enough to handle this, then he would have kept it to himself. One thing that my sister told me when I first got herpes, is this is MY thing. No one else has to know. And I know that for me, the fewer people who know, the better off it has been for me. I have very close friends who know and then my boyfriend now, and the one before him. Luckily, I was fortunate enough that everyone has been really understanding. But, even if not, you have to recognize that this can happen to ANYONE, including one of those idiots you boyfriend lives with, or one of their girlfriends, or all of them statistically speaking. This virus knows no boundaries, I don't care how ignorant or educated, poor or wealthy, we are all succeptable to it. And unfortunately for them, one of them will probably find out the hard way. And karma is a mother f-cker----so.....................wait till they wake up one day with a visitor down there. Anyway, I'm really sorry to hear that you are experiencing that, but I would lose him and stay away from all of them, eventually they will disperse in different directions, and at least you will have some anonymity back. Stay strong!!!

Answer:
I hate to say it but your "boyfriend" IMO is worse than the idiot friends. Sounds like they all got the idea that you had sex with him before mentioning you have herpes. I can't get it through my head why he would tell them that. Or if they got that impression, why didn't he correct them? Don't put put yourself at risk of getting his virus too, he sounds dishonest. If you can't trust him he's a liability. Leave him to his jerry springer life, you are quality and should settle for nothing less.

Answer:
I'm dumbfounded. They are ok with him having genital warts, but not with genital herpes? Do they even know?

I wonder when they are going to start calling genital herpes "cold sores" like they do with mouth/lip herpes