Question:
Hello All,

Right now I am just trying to figure out how to get through just discovering I have hsv2 (2 weeks ago) and my boyfriends uncertainty. Right now he still says he loves me and that he is not ready to jump ship, yet but he is still trying to wrap his mind around the whole thing. It is a long story but I have had it for years and just found out through a blood test. The problem was that an old file noted that I had it but I was never told and only found out because my current doctor needed my previous file from years ago and when going through it she seen the notes. Obviously I was not presenting or just was not noticing the symptoms.

However my main concern is whether I will keep my boyfriend. I finally sent him a letter with a few facts because he will not be home for another 2 weeks and I am just wondering how that is going to go. When I first found out I tried to explain shedding to him but he did not grasp that concept because he only thought that you can catch it during outbreaks. My concern is that once he reads the material and gets a better understanding that he will be scared to death. I think he was comfortable because he thought we would only have to watch out for breakouts.

He basically talks around the disease because we have not discussed it since I first discovered I had it. Right now he has so much on his plate and I am not sure if he is thinking this is something that can wait until he gets home. I can tell there has been some distance created between us because we usually discuss everything in our life including or fears but have have not discussed this.. Right now he is trying to move, tie up loose ends, get finances all together so he can come home and then there is my situation. I just feel like there is an elephant in the room.

I do want us to go to the doctor together when he gets home and maybe that will help. I probably now have been h+ for 10 years and before him I was in a relationship for a total of 7 years (3 dating; 4 married) and as I know of to this day he has never complained about herpes symptoms or anything.

So how do I deal with being scared of losing him and also his uncertainty? Plus, how do I ease his mind but not add more pressure? I feel like I am going crazy.


Thanks for input and responses.

Answer:
If this guy really cares for you, herpes will not push him away. Not that anyone should readily take on this burden, but this is not something that will kill him or even cause serious health problems.

Take this time to educate yourself - when you have more time to talk to him about it, lay out the facts.

How long have you all been dating?

Answer:
Plan a day to discuss everything that has been going on in your life not just the herpes!!! It's important to communicate, especially when big things like this one come up!

Good Luck

Answer:
You sound exactly like me. I got the diagnosis at Christmas. I got the diagnosis 6 months into my new relationship, I had had signs but had no idea it was herpes in my past relationship. My now b.f. hasnt run away, but it has taken its tole on the relationship. We have definately grown distant but its more out of my fear of giving it to him than anything. We recently had a big talk, almost broke up, but decided we love eachother enough to continue. Im taking Valtrex, although it hasnt seemed to help me yet. I still dont think he likes to talk about, which is why I ended up on this website....to talk! I just let him now when I can be intimate. So far so good.

Answer:
hello, i have been reading the posts and i have been in that situation apart from i got herpes from a one night stand. i have had it for a few week now, have taken the medication and all the sores are healed up and i have no other problems but i was wondering even though i have no signs now, am i still able to pass it on to someone else if i have unprotected sex?

from hannah x x

Answer:
Hannah
Yes you can transmit the virus when you don't have the lesions. Once you have herpes the virus stays in your body for life. but it is not always active or able to be transmitted...however...even if you don't have sores..the virus "sheds" on the skin from time to time... shedding is undetectable by the person and is called asymptomatic viral sheddingThe problem with shedding is that you never really know when this event is happening..so it is important to practice safe sex. talk to your doc about using Valtrex or acyclovir for suppression of herpes virus. (acyclovir is much cheaper because it's generic. that's what I use) Suppressant therapy greatly reduces the risk of transmission but transmission is still possible...esp during the first year from your primary infection because the virus sheds more and acivates more frequently during this time.

Answer:
so how much of a risk would i be taking if i had slept with someone without protection? since its only been a couple of months since i had my first outbreak, how likely would it be that the guy would get it off me?

Answer:
if you do indeed have it, it is very likely at ANYTIME to pass it onto a partner.

Chances are if there are not sores/lesions present, then they will not get it, but as people here have said, you can be shedding at any time and give it to another person. I would suggest using condoms at all times. Not just for the sake of your partners, but for your own sake as well, as you are more suspetible to contracting HIV/AIDS because you have herpes.

If you are worried about telling the person you are currently with, well, that is normal and very scary, but you HAVE to do it. It is only fair.

But yes, this can be passed on at any time.

AS the years go on, the outbreaks tend to lessen, and I believe the transmission factor lessens as well. If you have just obtained this virus then you are probably most contagious now. My partner and I have had sex without condoms though, and he has not caught it to date. We were really careful (we were trying to get pregnant) and I just "listened" to my body. If I felt there was a chance of an Outbreak, I just didn't have sex (or we went back to condoms. ) So...it seemed to work and I am very happy he is ok! :D

Answer:
so it is possible to still have unprotected sex then if im in a long relationship. is there any other way to know if the virus is active or not? im sorry if im askin alot of questions but the web sites dont tell you this info.

i hope everything goes well on the making a baby situation x x x