Question:
Hi everyone,
I am new here. I have been STD free for my entire sexual life. I have been in a committed relationship with my fiance for 4 and a half years now, indeed we just got engaged in December.

He has always gotten cold sores on his chin, every 2 or 3 months or so. It has never been an issue for us.

In the past week I had the tingling (which I just disregarded as I have never experienced this before). Then, the lumps, which I thought were ingrown hairs. Over the course of 24 hours they got very painful and turned into white blisters. I have had enough experience of friends of mine etc. having herpes that I knew it was no longer ingrown hairs.

My fiance is in the army and has been away for the past 2 weeks, although he gave me oral sex just before when he left. He had no cold sores then, but has said he got one about a week ago (which was about 2 weeks after we were together last).

I went to the doctor and they said it looks like herpes. I haven't had the results back, but to be honest I know I have it so the actual result is irrelevant. The only thing I want to know is if I have type 1 or type 2.

Anyhow, I seem to be having a bigger issue with it than him. He keeps telling me that it doesn't matter and that he will always be there beside me. But he has also said that he will think about it (he can't not think about it) and that is what has made me fly off the handle.

I know we are getting married and there has never been any doubt in my mind that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. But it makes me angry that he will even be thinking about it. Like when we have sex or he goes down on me - I feel like I will no longer enjoy it because I know he may be thinking about it, or else I will be.

I am such a sexual person and this has made me feel like I don't want him anywhere near me.

I feel angry that he has always had herpes and it was never an issue for us. But now that I have it in my genital area, it is suddenly more of an issue. It makes me angry, frustrated, and upset. And I am pretty sure I got it from him anyhow.

Please help as I am not doing very well dealing with this and don't know the impact this will have on our relationship. I hate the fact that it should have any impact at all because most people have it, and we got it from someone else, so it should be a non-issue.

But because I have it on my genitals, it feels like a bigger issue. Why?

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the help and advice.
k
:cry:

Answer:
isn't funny how, SO many people get "cold sores' (the NICE way to say Herpes Simplex 1) and that is ok. But if you get HSV1 or 2 on your nether regions, then suddenly it is a BAD thing. (well, it IS bad, but it isn't much different than a cold sore, and damn near everyone in the US of A gets THOSE)

I believe there IS testing to determine if it is hsv1 or 2. Chances are you did catch it from him orally. I am honestly surprised MORE people do not have hsv1 in the genital region, what with as much as we all love oral sex!!! :wink:

Perhaps saliva is something that helps fight off the infection from passing easier (our mouths are a hostile, acidic place and lots of viruses do NOT like it there!) hence the reason there is NOT more of a transmission ratio. (as opposed to HSV2 and good ole fashion sex) .

But I digress, back to you; what do you mean he needs to "think about it"....think about what? About his relationship with you? Or just his concern for you and your health? Got a little lost there. If HE is the one who gave it to you, then I don't know what it is he needs to "think about."

As for the loss of desire in sex, that is totally natural. (or should I say, the hindrance/fear) to this day, I am still fearful of passing it onto my partner. It is always in the back of my head. But we just try not to let it freak us out, and well, we are ultra careful/clean, especially after the act. we try to make it into a fun thing. (showering together and stuff!)

I am STILL angry about catching it too, but I also blame myself for believing and trusting a deceitful jerk. Rather than be angry, I have learned to just let it go. Occasionally (like when I have an outbreak) I let the anger flare again, but the rest of the time, I try to keep myself calm and cool and level headed. Being angry will not help your situation (or your outbreaks). and be sure to eat well, and take vitamins.

I hope that down the road things work out with you and your fiance. I hope he doesn't get all "weirded" out by this. and I hope that you find peace as well. It is not the end of the road, just a super big road bump you have to roll over occasionally! lol! :wink:

Answer:
thanks for that. He meant that he will think about it because he cares about me, but at the time I got all upset over it because I didn't want to accept that I had it and I was already thinking that it will be an issue for me. To be honest I think it is a far bigger issue for me than it is for him (like you said mainly because I am afraid of giving it back to him - which i know is only likely if we don't have the same type). it will be a few weeks before I get the results.

I am feeling a lot better after the initial shock has worn off. But i hope I don't get any more outbreaks for a long time. I have heard of people getting multiple ones around the time of their first OB. I hope not!