Question:
I am currently getting to know someone and as we get closer together, I know that there is a possibility that the day where I have to tell her is coming closer too. While I totally understand that not telling her is not an option, I do worry that she will end up rejecting me because of this.

I guess my thing is that I really don't want to put a ton of time and effort into something that is only going to be ruined by the fact that I have herpes. I know this is a negative way of viewing this but is unfortunately how I see it.

I guess it really all just boils down to how real the relationship is...

I am just worried that I my subconsciously holding myself back and keeping up a wall because of this.

Anyone feel this way?

Answer:
Yeah, dude we allhave experieced the anxiety and dread of having the "big H talk". :( . If you guys are ready for intimacy... The longer you put it off..the worse it'll be for both of you. You just have to get it over with. There are some threads on this forum with good suggestions on how to tactfully approach this delicate subject with a non h-er. It's not easy..I hope everything works out for you :wink:

Answer:
I mastered the talk while I was single for 8 years with herpes and put it in a page online for anyone who would like to use it. You'll find it in the link provided in my signature if you'd like to check it out - you're welcome to it.

Good luck and don't stress so much - the person you're talking to will feel your anxiety and it makes it more difficult to accept.

Gayla

Answer:
If you don't want to waste to much time on a relationship that will be cut short by the herpes issue tell her as soon as posssible. It isn't negative at all to think that way, it's actually pretty mature. There are alot of people with this who decide to tell right away, even on the first date. That is what there comfortable with, they want to lay it on the table and know immediately if the person will be o.k. with it and not get to involved or attached or hopeful and then be disapointed when the person can't accept it. I've found that there are people that it hardly means anything at all to, then there are people who are mortified. They could be dating Brad Pitt or Scarlet Johannson and if they found out they had herpes they would be running for the hills. I suggest you find out which kind she is and move on from there. Best of luck.

Answer:
amen chaos, you are so right!

Answer:
Just got rejected today from and non-H partner. I'm dealing with it. Hurts because it is someone I've known for a long time. Any words of wisdom?

Answer:
Get on..
Sorry about the "Rejection', I know it does hurt. That sort of sting will never really get easy or go away. BUT look at it this way:
perhaps this virus will help weed out some worms in your life, ya know? If this person rejects you because you have herpes and you were honest with them, chances are they would have done so down the road for a multitude of other reasons. You are probably better off without them.

Some people reject you out of simple fear and ignorance. I do not blame these people, it IS scary. what these people do not realize is they themselves, their mommas, their daddies, their sisters, their brothers, their best friends, etc., all might have this disease too. They may have grown up with it and never known it. Think of how YOU felt about Herpes before actually contracting it. Looking back, I sure have to eat humble pie now, I was one of the fearful ones too. I KNEW and UNDERSTOOD about the disease, I sure never thought I would be one to catch it though.

So, as much as it hurts, just let it go. You are not going to change these folks. The best you can do is be a good honest person, maybe try to educate a few people along the way, and do not EVER SETTLE for less than what you deserve!!!! There are good people out there who ARE educated and will love you despite this shit. I know, trust me! :wink:

Answer:
I agree with the others when they say to just get it over with. The longer you drag anything out, the harder it is to complete it. I waited till my boyfriend and I, he is non-H, were on our 3rd date. I figured, he has seen enough of my personality to see that Im a good person and visa versa. Now lets see if he still thinks im so great after I tell him I have an incurrable disease. We had discussed sex on the phone and online but I felt it was better to tell him in person. We are still together and getting ready to be intimate for the first time. I know Im one of the lucky ones to have found someone like my bf. Hes the first guy ive dated since i broke up with the jerk who gave me the virus and a baby. So, not only do I have herpes, but Im a single mom with H. Trust me, if it will happen for me, it will happen for you Chaos. You just have to be patient and mabey look for a girl who isn't more outside than inside. Good Luck

Answer:
Yes tell. Hardest thing I had ever done in my life, risking losing someone I dearly care for-but it was because I cared that I had to tell - best to let the person go (if they are not for you they will go). Also, I have learned from my recent experience of not being rejected that honesty makes a relationship stronger-all other communication seems easy compared to this too!