Question:
In June, I met the girl of my dreams. We've been together ever since and things only get better every day.

The first time I spent the night with her, I assumed we'd likely have sex. We ended up doing everything but that. I did try to give her oral sex and she stopped me. This has happened several times now, we have never had sex.

It raised my suspicions that maybe there was something, like HPV, that was preventing us from going all the way. Yesterday, I saw a bottle of Valtrex in her bathroom (no, I wasn't snooping, it was just sitting on the counter). That has confirmed that my suspicions were indeed correct.

I've done some research and found that herpes sounds a lot worse than it really is. Chances are, I've got it or HPV and am asymtomatic. With the percentage of people who have HPV in some form, I find it extremely unlikely that I have not been exposed.

I do have a couple questions for this community about how I should proceed.

1) Should I bring up the subject? Or should I wait for her to? Remember that I am OK with this and I have every intention of sticking with her.

2) I hear a lot about using condoms, that they lesson the risk, but is this just a canned answer? Pregnancy or curable STD's are not a risk, and during a non-shedding time, there is no virus present. Am I missing something?

I think age is important too. I'm fairly young, 28. This may affect some peoples answers.

Answer:
I found this post to be very interesting....simply because I can put myself in your lady friend's shoes. I am willing to bet (if she DOES have herpes) that she is gearing herself up for "the talk" with you. No easy feat I can assure you, but one she is probably getting ready to do any day now.

Perhaps give it a day or two more....see if she DOES give you the talk, so it is not a "surprise" that you know.


The flip side is: maybe she left the vatrex out on purpose, hoping it would spark a conversation. Might make it a little easier on her if you say, hey, I noticed the other day you had Valtrex pills in your bathroom.....do you take it for herpes simplex 1 or 2? Perhaps your "casualness" and calmness will ease her and THEN she can have the talk with you. That and the fact that you have made a very conscientious effort to LEARN about HSV is going to help things out TREMENDOUSLY! I applaud you for not running off scared (like so many do) and that you have opted instead to focus on the positive aspects of this woman, and not the fact that she potentially has herpes.

As for transmission, you know, I am one of those in a yin yang relationship. I have it. He doesn't. Thus far, he still shows no signs of contracting it from me. (per his last bloodtests and based on any activity/outbreaks.There have been none.) We use condoms. We do NOT do "it" when I am having an outbreak (and who the hell wants to? OW!!) If I feel any prodommal symptoms (tingling/itching etc.) we abstain and just "mess around". AFter sex we clean up pretty good, no matter what. (fun to take showers! yay!) So there are all sorts of things one can do to prevent catching this virus. It is just using some basic common sense AS WELL as a little extra cleanliness.

So yeah, give it a day or two....then maybe gently broach the subject to her. I hope all goes well and let us know what happens. :wink:

Answer:
Good advice from Ouch.

By the way, trad climber, don't mix up HPV and HSV. You may confuse your friend!

Answer:
Good advice from Ouch.

By the way, trad climber, don't mix up HPV and HSV. You may confuse your friend! I just reread my post and I did confuse HSV and HPV.

Answer:
Trad-Climber,

Dangermouse is another one of the 'good guys" like yourself!!! Rather than run in fear or horror, he loved a woman, and the herpes was insignifigant to the relationship...read his posts, as I think they will help you out tremendously!!! :wink:

Sure we have to be careful, but it is NOT the end of the world...or sex! 8)

And yes, be careful ...hsv and hpv are different. too many "H (insert letter here) v infections out there..... unfortunately!!! :(

Answer:
I have been dating this wonderful man for almost a year (October 22). Well last weekend we spent together I found out I was out of soap. Assuming he wouldn't mind I went into his hygene bag where he keeps his toiletries to get his soap. I saw a bottle for Famvir and was shocked.

We have already had sex several times. We have even talked about feeling comfortable enough to go without protection but there was something bothering him when we talked about it. I was so hurt that he didn't tell me this we had a big argument but I couldn't bring it up. I have asked him a few times since then if there is something I need to know about him that I don't. Each time he says no. But last time he said he was sure I would ask. A part of me thinks he was just too scared to tell me and is afraid of losing me if he does. He tells me all the time how he would feel if he lost me.

To be honest, my first reaction was to break up with him. But I love him and knows he feels the same way. i done some research and want to help my baby out anyway I can. I support him and don't want to lose him. I am very hurt that he didn't tell me. Last time I went in for a check-up I didn't have anything at all. That might have changed now. I wrote him a letter about what I found because he has not said anything and as much as I love him I love ME more. I can't ignore this. Right now I am waiting on his response to the letter. He doesn't live in my town so I am waiting on a phone call. I know I should have told him face to face but I got so nervous that I lost all nerve. I want to be able to get over this but I want to know why he never said anything.

I am going half crazy. :roll: