Question:
Starting at the beginning...

I'm a 29 yo male, I messed (heavy petting, mainly kissing) around with a girl I had dated and have known for quite a while about a month ago. The next morning, I woke with what I thought was a zit on my upper lip. After a few days it spread to my lower lip, then my tongue, and then throat. Freaked out I went to the doc, and she diagnosed me with herpes labialis, first time ever. She gave me acyclovir to help shorten the whole ordeal...it was pretty miserable, and really f-ed with my head. Its been over 3 weeks and my sores have healed but i'm paranoid and my lymph nodes are still a little swollen...I never want to have to suffer an oubreak like that again..

I talked to the girl, and about the same time she had a break-out, but says she never had cold sores, or hpv-2, before. We worked everything out, She thinks she got it from one of the kids she watches as a nanny, and in turn I happened to make out with her when she was contagious. But who knows really....All in all, I've come to terms with the fact that this is going to be with me for some time, all for kissing somebody. I'm active and very healthy, so i'm having faith that my immune system will help me out here.

With that said...I am very conscious of the fact that I do not want to give this to anybody. However, I'm not as concerned about an H talk before sex, because I abstain from intercourse and don't have genital herpes, i am more concerned about the initial dating stages.

I don't even want to kiss anybody without them knowing, after all thats how I got this. And I don't know how my body is reacting to the virus, so I can't accurately detect when I'm contagious (if thats even possible) However, kissing usually happens so early in dating, by the 3rd date usually, it seems like its not enough time to exlain to a person that you have H and expect them to stick around. I know, if somebody told me they had herpes on the second date, just out fear, i would lose interest.

I know the logical answer seems to prolong any contact whatsoever until some sort of connection has been formed, etc... however, I just see myself being put in awkward positions early in dating situations...

I'm probably making this out to be a much bigger ordeal than it is, but does anybody have any suggestions or experiences they can share?

thanks!

Answer:
First of all, it's nice to see that are concerned with spreading it. The guy that gave it to me, got a cold sore after having oral sex with me & then insisted it was pimple until finally the results came in from my doctor. Then he admitted he'd gotten cold sores all the time. So I know you are worried about dating but I want you to know that if you date a woman who is ok with this...be wary of oral sex b/c you can give it to her genitally. If you date someone who already gets cold sores & has HSV 1 then you are in the clear for giving it to her genitally. Just like a woman with HSV 1 oral can't really give it to you genitally now that you have it too. I really don't think many people are concerned with type 1 oral. It's what I got type 1 genitally that freaks people out. Just so you know about 50-80 % of society has what you have. I wouldn't be surprised if you tell the next girl you and she tells you she has it too. You can still contract genital HSV 2 from someone, so be careful. But if you date someone with HSV 1 genital or oral you are not at risk for contracting it again. You are taking the suppressant meds, take Lysine too
(you can find it in the pharmacy). Watch you exposure to the sun...it triggers outbreaks. There are some foods to avoid like coffee, chocolate and nuts. Read up on Arginine it triggers outbreaks. Know that what you have is more common than you think. Try having it where I do and getting a second date then. I used to think it was hard enough dating at 31 one and now this!!!! Even though I know that 50-80% of society has what I have...they don't have it where I have it so it's much harder for me. Sorry we both had partners who were not a courteous as us! You are a wonderful person for caring! The girl you finally end up with is a very lucky lady!
hopeful1234

Answer:
I don't think you need to worry about getting to know people before telling them you get coldsores - so many people get it that very few people will care.

I caught it off someone who got coldsores when I was about twenty and they hadn't told me - they didn't think it was anything to worry about. I wasn't angry with them or anything, just felt a bit unlucky. Most people who have it don't even know what it is. My mother has gotten coldsores since forever and has commented "how strange it is that some people get it and others don't" - she didn't even know that it was caused by a virus!

The last boyfriend I had got coldsores and didn't even know. I noticed he had (a very obvious) one a few weeks after we met and were still just friends. I said - "oh, you get coldsores - I get them too" and he replied "what do you mean? is that what this is?" I tell people I get them without worrying about it, for example because I don't like to share drinks with people or lip-balm etc., and tell them why. No-one cares. It's not taboo. Only genital herpes is taboo. It's crazy, but there you go.

Answer:
yeah...me like alot of the other people here seem to freak out a little. Granted, the genital H people have alittle more reason to be concerned. I just need to quit dwelling on it...that is probably more unhealthy than this little virus. I think it wuld probably do everyone a little good to get the hell away from this forum...it really only makes you paranoid...

peace

Answer:
I guess every situation is different, because i get severe coldsore outbreaks and they seem to get bigger every time i have one. for woman it's a little more complicated because hormones play a very big role, it's one of the triggers. I was diagnosed with genital herpes while i was pregnant and i have never had a genital outbread since, that was three yrs ago. All of the sudden i noticed a red area on my lip that itched a little and then the next month my nose was a little red not knowing what it was i didnt know not to touch it, each time it got a little worse, now when i get a cold sore it affects my nose, my upper lip, and my lower lip. I'm not tryin to scare you, but just be careful.

Answer:
Coffee, chocolate and nuts... oh my! Just kidding... I eat all of them. Oral Herpes is so common.... I wouldnt worry about it so much. Any cold sore is herpes 1 so.... I cant imagine someone getting freaked out if you tell them you get cold sores... it means the same thing!

Answer:
Is there any medical website that spells out that if I have genital hsv1, and my girlfriend gets coldsores, that it's ok to have oral sex?

No offense to those who said that it's ok, but I don't think you guys are credible enough for her. ;)

Answer:
This link is from a reputable source and tells the difference between hsv1 and hsv2.



It might help her to understand that if her coldsore is ohsv1 and your infection is ghsv1 that they are quite similar.

the only thing that I'd add is that regardless of which strain it is within each one there are bound to be mutations and some are more virulent than others and more difficult to manage and you may still re-infect one another.

Answer:
This link is from a reputable source and tells the difference between hsv1 and hsv2.



It might help her to understand that if her coldsore is ohsv1 and your infection is ghsv1 that they are quite similar.

the only thing that I'd add is that regardless of which strain it is within each one there are bound to be mutations and some are more virulent than others and more difficult to manage and you may still re-infect one another. That's new, cuz everything I've heard has said that if you have ghsv1 and your partner has cold sores, she cannot get anything else because she already has hsv1. I don't see how she could have cold sores, have oral sex, and get what, 2 hsv1 strains of the virus at the same time?