Question:
My girlfriend/fiance just got diagnosed last week. The backround is she met up with another man when i was on vacation. I came back the next day she left and stayed at her sisters for a week. then 1 week later she moved in with this piece of shit. he was a methhead and an ex con and 2 kids divorced, just a total piece of crap. we have been together for 3 and a half years. I have heard the terrible truth and am having a hard time dealing. While she didn't actually cheat on me with him because she left, i feel just as bad because she was meeting him and talking to him behind my back. I feel alot less of a man because she said that he had a bigger dick and was a better lover and in fact she left me for him but she denies that but she did. The herpes are the least of our problems but she is back now and getting counseling but i still cant stop thinking about her having sex with him and why. She says she is sorry and says she wants to make me feel better but when im feeling crappy about it or having bad thoughts she tells me " don't think about it". It's not that easy. and plus who knows what else she has. we are getting her tested for hiv and hep c on fri. But its just hurting my self esteema dn she triues to go and pretend everything is fine and she says that she has more on her plate because she has to deal with the herpes and i don't. but fact is i DO have to deal with it. The therapsit told her to deal with it like she did have an affair, because she kinda did. I am so depressed and upset all the time. Any suggestions on how to deal and move on? I want to get over it but i cant and it makes me feel like im 2 in tall. HELP PLEASE!!!

Answer:
Woooowwww! That is alot to digest. I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds to me like she has some major MAJOR issues... (being with a divorced ex con, with kids, etc.) then expects you to just accept her bad behavior with aplomb and move on, no worries. She is asking alot of you, in my humble opinion. Especially since she was emotionally and mentally abusive to you (giving you a vivid description of her sex life with that loser and his lame dick size.....that is SO uncool.)

I feel for you, because I can tell that you love her and still have feelings for her. I think it is huge that you are not concerned about the herpes and want to try and make things work. But I have to be totally honest here....she said some pretty mean things. I know I could NEVER forget that if I were in your shoes.

So it is really up to you ....do you feel this woman is worth it? Is she worth the work it is going to take to deal with her issues? Should you two maybe put things on the back burner while she gets her act together, THEN see how you feel? She just seems to expect you to "get over it" from what I am reading from your post, that is pretty insensitive.


Is she truly upset and contrite about her actions? Do you see her pulling a stunt like this again? Again, you know her best, so ultimately , you have to decide whether or not this woman is worth all the angst and trouble as well as a potential lifelong std. (and I am SO glad she is getting tested for hiv and hep...but I have to warn you...it can take hiv 6months before it shows up in a persons system, so I would say practice safe sex from here on out. To protect you from hiv and herpes).

That is just my thoughts on the situation. I had a partner who cheated on me, I forgave him once, and a few years later, he did it again. I sent his ass to the curb. After that, if a man cheated on me even ONE TIME, his ass was sent out the door, with my high heel imprint firmly imbedded in it. But I tend to be a hard ass when it comes to this sort of thing. :wink:

Again, I am so sorry you have to deal with all this...a broken heart as well as the other "extras" that are an big issue too. I hope no matter what happens, that you make the decision that is best for YOU and keeps YOU happy! Good luck to you and I would love to know how things work out!

Take care and stay strong!
Ouch

Answer:
My girlfriend/fiance just got diagnosed last week. The backround is she met up with another man when i was on vacation. I came back the next day she left and stayed at her sisters for a week. then 1 week later she moved in with this piece of shit. he was a methhead and an ex con and 2 kids divorced, just a total piece of crap. we have been together for 3 and a half years. I have heard the terrible truth and am having a hard time dealing. While she didn't actually cheat on me with him because she left, i feel just as bad because she was meeting him and talking to him behind my back. I feel alot less of a man because she said that he had a bigger dick and was a better lover and in fact she left me for him but she denies that but she did. The herpes are the least of our problems but she is back now and getting counseling but i still cant stop thinking about her having sex with him and why. She says she is sorry and says she wants to make me feel better but when im feeling crappy about it or having bad thoughts she tells me " don't think about it". It's not that easy. and plus who knows what else she has. we are getting her tested for hiv and hep c on fri. But its just hurting my self esteema dn she triues to go and pretend everything is fine and she says that she has more on her plate because she has to deal with the herpes and i don't. but fact is i DO have to deal with it. The therapsit told her to deal with it like she did have an affair, because she kinda did. I am so depressed and upset all the time. Any suggestions on how to deal and move on? I want to get over it but i cant and it makes me feel like im 2 in tall. HELP PLEASE!!! I have some comments, but since you posted this message in September, and it is now December, I would like to first find out how things are. Please advise.

Merry Christmas

Answer:
I would be very hesitant based on this womans judgment. I was involved with someone (for other reasons) and the history between us remained a huge 'elephant' for years. Looking back, I realized that I was with her for reasons other than the reasons two people should be together, love. How did his size enter into the conversation? If you asked her, then next time DON'T! I mean, details like this shouldn't matter to either one of you. If she volunteered this info, then why would she do this? I could only think she did this to make you feel bad and THAT my friend is a serious red flag! I'm sorry you have been put through all of this and I hope you are able to find the answer you need.