Question:
Hi,
Im new here. I have been dating a guy for about a week now. we had sex once. We used condoms. He told me today that he has had herpes for 25 yrs. were both older, in our 40's. Im upset that he didnt tell me before we had sex the first time. I like him, he likes me. I like being with him and spending time with him and I want a sexual relationship with him but Im afraid that Ill get herpes and I dont want it. If we practice safe sex, use condoms, avoid sex during outbreaks etc... what are my chances that I might get it? I like him but Im not sure I see a longterm future with him and I dont want to end up with herpes. Alot of people have it and live normal lives with it. If you were me, what would you do? End it now before it really starts or just practice safe sex and hope I dont get it? Would you have sex with someone who told you that they have herpes? Even if you dont see a long term commitment with this person? I just need some advice here. Thanks.

Answer:
well ur chances are like 100% cause condoms dont protect u from herpes - sorry to let u down, and a person w/ herpes can spread the virus anytime of the day- any day of the year- not just before/during/after a outbreak.

well the fact that u have been dating someone 1 week> and went to bed with them> and he couldnt tell u before hand> i just dont see it working out anyway. to many issues

Answer:
I don't know that I agree that your chances are 100%. I agree that there are no guanantees here and condoms aren't as effective as once thought. However, there are many couples who practice safe sex and don't have sex during an outbreak and the non H person never gets it. That said, there is also the chance that you can still get it with a condom since there are still parts of the body that come into contact that aren't covered by the condom. The bottom line is whatever the percentage, you are taking a risk. Now , whether or not you want to take that risk with this person is up to you and how you feel about him. The fact that he didn't tell you before having sex the first time is definitely a red flag. He really should have respected you enough to tell you first. But people make mistakes and if you really like him then maybe keep dating without having sex and see if you think it is worth it to stick around.

Answer:
Yeah, I think WaxedWrong has the right 'concern'. Plus I think if you are having sex with somebody (even with condoms) after dating for a week, it suggests that sex for you is a casual event anyway. If that's the case, the guy you're with is a step above average for telling you and may be a better deal than some others out there you would leave him for (if in fact you are even "with" him). I always ask, "who would you find better?" Are you going to insist that the next person be tested? That's the only way to actually "know" and even then, a negative test doesn't mean they don't have it, or even if they don't have it at the time they are tested, they could acquire it by the time the test results come back. These are details but they're real. I guess I'm saying unless you're marrying somebody tomorrow and/or are celibate, it's all Russian Roulette anyway, and particularly for one who practices something akin to casual sex.

Answer:
First things first, go and get a blood specific test to make sure you're not an asymptomatic carrier to begin with. When clinics test for "everything" herpes is one of the big tests that are left out so you need to ask for a blood test specifically. If you don't see yourself dating him in the long term why are you in the first place? If it's just casual sex you're looking for and you don't want to get infected you'll need to look elsewhere. But, if you can handle it, just hold off on the sex for awhile because you don't really know what could become with it. This guy could potentially be someone that you could spend the rest of your life with if you just give him the chance. Try not to let herpes stop you from trying a relationship with the guy, it's not really that bad it's just the emotional thing that's the worst. Trust me, if he told you even after having sex with you once he just slipped and he didn't mean to. I speak from personal experience when I slipped up after having sex when I knew I had H but I felt so awful afterwards I couldn't even bring myself to do it again if I wanted to. No matter what you do though, he's under enough stress as it is with H so just play nice :).

Answer:
Ignore the comments about having sex after a week meaning that you see it as casual. It's none of their business when you have sex with someone. They shouldn't be posting their moral opinions.

As for Herpes.....

Although Herpes is very very uncomfortable when you have an outbreak, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's very common and also there is nothing to suggest you don't already have it. Some people have it and never show symptoms at all and they wont test you for it unless you have an outbreak.

You should decide if you want to be with this guy for other reasons not because he has herpes. If you find the idea of it not very nice then imagine how he might have felt about having to tell you. Of course he should have told you first. But i dread the idea of having to tell someone new that i have it. Both me and my current partner have it. We have no idea who gave it to who.

Answer:
Ignore the comments about having sex after a week meaning that you see it as casual. It's none of their business when you have sex with someone. They shouldn't be posting their moral opinions.
. ""I have been dating a guy for about a week now. we had sex once.Im upset that he didnt tell me before we had sex the first time.I like him but Im not sure I see a longterm future with him and I dont want to end up with herpes ""
word from the op herself.

now from me> i could care less if she screwed him and didnt know his name(if thats how u do- good for u) > the point i was trying to make was shes only known him a week, and during this time they did it> he ONLY told her AFTER the fact. right there> there is a big issue. trust. and EVERYONE knows that there is absolutly no realtionship w/o trust

Answer:
If I didnt have herpes I honestly dont think I would take a chance. Especially if it wasnt going to be long term.

Answer:
Not sure where the "condoms don't protect you from Herpes" came from.

link: http://aids.about.com/od/hivprevention/a/condomshsv.htm

Reuters Health writer Amy Norton reports that a new study has again shown that condoms do indeed protect against genital herpes (herpes simplex or HSV-2). There are many other studies out there. Just google "Herpes condoms" and you'll find them.

The main point here is that the condom must cover the infected area but they do work.

There's no need to scare someone who is looking for answers by providing them with incorrect information.