Question:
Ok about 3 months ago I started dating this guy...now we are together and I guess u could say serious. I was diagnosed with genital herpes about 5 months ago. My now boyfriend and I have had sex 3 times now and used a condom everytime. I have not told him that I have herpes yet I just dont have it in me to say anything yet. One of the main reasons I have not told is because he is in the circle of friends that I hang out with. All of his best guy friends and friends are all my Good friends. I just dont know what I would do if I told him and he told one of the guys and then everyone found out. I dont want anyone to know. I feel horrible for not telling him and now im afraid if I do tell him he is going to be upset for me keeping it from him for so long. I dont even know how to bring it up or start off the conversation. I know I have to tell him but I dont know how or where to start. I have so many questions myself still. He never wants to use a condom but I wont do anything without one... so can u have sex without a condom and not spread herpes??? also if I give him head could I give him herpes?? Please help me out here, give me some advice please. Also I just want U to know I just really feel like I have to trust someone alot to tell them and im just now getting to that point.

Answer:
You do realize that condoms are NOT 100% effective against spreading herpes right?

You need to tell the guy you have hsv. He could already be infected from the 3 times you have had sex. Have either of you discussed your std status at all?

Condoms and antiviral daily suppressive therapy can reduce the chance of transmitting herpes to your partner but nothing is guaranteed.

Answer:
I have not told him that I have herpes yet I just dont have it in me to say anything yet.

if you dont want your friends knowing dont date people so close to the circle.
you have possibly risked him. for what? your own embarssment? thats a GREAT cause. lets all fuck people and not tell them to save face.

so you have to trust them to tell them- but having sex? what is that.. just a thing.. you should really figure out your priorities. i rem the days when before you had sex, you asked if you were "clean" i cant understand how a "serious" relationship, is going to continue after this.

condoms will not protect you from herpes.
oral sex- if u have oral herpes, yes u can give it to him

really if you dont understand the virus having it, you shouldnt be having sex.

Answer:
Ok so obviously I look like a total peice of shit... and I know I should of said something, but its really not that easy. Your right I shouldnt date someone that close in the circle but I cant help who I fall for. Its not so much that I dont trust him.... Im scared of the circle of friends finding out.. and yes I guess Im a selfish bitch. I know I have to tell him this is why I posted this I have no one to talk to. I do understand the virus but I was reading a few post on hear and some of the things people were writing was making me a little confused. like for example one girl had unprotected sex and I didnt understand that. anywho Im really not a horrible person... I know what I have done was wrong moraly but lets face it its not a perfect world if that were the case none of us would be on hear discussing this topic. Im going to tell him I would like some support and advise on how to tell him. Im sure u all have been in my shoes before.

Answer:
telling someone you have herpes takes seconds, dealing with the reprocusion you just made, will take more then that.

if you would have told him before, you possibly could have had him on your side, and been a goof friend and never told anyone, but what do you think is going to happen now? hes going to fucking blow up. maybe he will be the better man and keep him mouth shut maybe he wont. but you owe it to him to tell him. your risking his life not just yours.

and who cares what other people think? so you have herpes, so what? they are supposed to be your friends. if they cant handle it, get better friends.

what dont you understand about unprotected sex? people with herpes still do it, but their partners are probably fully aware of the situation and OK with it.

Answer:
The easiest way to tell someone is to just tell them.

BEFORE YOU HAVE SEXUAL CONTACT

I recommend to most people that you have the conversation before you're too romatically involved or at the point of no return. Hopefully at a mutual place where you're discussing statistics of std's etc.

Put your head up, look the person in the eye, and just say it. "I want you to know before we go too far that I'd like to discuss std's" and then let them know you've been responsible you've had testing and you have hsv.

Know your stuff and be ready to answer questions if need be and if you have to walk then so be it. but don't act all defeated and create drama with a big climactic "I have something I need to tell you - -(uncomfortable pause). . ." that's always a killer.

It's simpler to do this early in the relationship than later but I think it's important to retain your dignity. Let people decide for themselves. Be confident be positive it isn't the end of the world but it's a fact of living with hsv.

Even oral sex can transmit hsv to your partner if you have it genitally and he performs oral sex on you. If you have oral hsv and perform oral sex on him you can infect him.

OK NOW WHAT?

So you made a mistake and you didn't tell him in the beginning. I know you're scared and you're afraid of getting people pissed but you can't go back all you can do is tell him now and hopefully it goes well.

You may need to tell him that you think a lot of him and want to continue your relationship but that you need to clear up a problem and let him know that you were initially scared but he needs to know the facts.

If he knows a lot about std's and hsv you're probably screwed. If he doesn't he may be understanding because you used condoms. You still put him at risk and that could certainly make him angry. Hopefully he won't tell all of your friends but that is the risk you took.

Answer:
Oh the tangled web we weave....

Hi fairy2005,

It's hard for people here who know about HSV to tell you the truth without it sounding like we're being hard on you. No one is trying to be mean.
However, The truth is hard to hear.

Having herpes makes people grow up and be responsible for thier actions.

I think this is the perfect place for you to learn a lot about the virus you have, and also learn how to handle things differently in the future so you don't have the situation again that you're facing right now.

The days of casual sex are over.
This can be a good oportunity in your life to learn how to build a solid relationship before becoming intimate.

There is no set way of telling someone that you have hsv. You may have to dig deep and do some soul searching on this one. You can do it!
Maybe think about it as how you would want someone telling you?

Good Luck

Answer:
grrrrrrrrrrr....

fighting the urge to rant............

ok ok...


TELL HIM NOW......

edit - put it this way, if you dont tell him and hes caught it, hes going to tell eveyone what you did to his health, his future, his body, his mind...

Be a grown up and get it over and done with... did the person who gave it to you tell you beforehand..

do u think any of us will sympathise with you spreading HSV around your own circle of friends.. infact spreading it around anywer.

time to see the light now, we are all here to help you, but we cant until you help yourself missy, get him told, move on and find real love truthfully.

Answer:
fairy2005;

if you have been reading posts on this site, you know from most members THAT IT IS IMPERATIVE TO TELL, before you have sex, WITH ANYBODY. i give you credit for posting your story. i hope your bf forgives you; if not, move on and learn from this experience, and pray that you did not infect him.