Question:
Hello to all. I haven't been on the site for 2 years. But I met this guy. Here it goes.

Situation:----------> I met the guy on MPWH 3/2005. He's from Miami, Fl.
Anyway it took me 3-4months to be convinced that I would come to visit. I drove my car from MS to Miami 14-15hrs. July 4,05 we finally met. I fell in love with FLORIDA. Next trip was 11/26/05 it was Thanksgiving. We talked more and more during the 4month time period. Thanksgiving I didn't go back to MS, I moved in with him and started to look for a job. Went back to MS 12/15/05 to get my daughter from my parents. Christmas and New Years has come. I am working, going to school, being a mother, etc. The relationship like all started to fluctuate. But we always made up. Forgive and Forget. But through it all, I'm still feeling like a single parent. I mean, when I came to Florida on his behalf of asking me to stay, I started from the bottom and was beginning to work my way up. I found a daycare 10 houses down from where we stayed, I worked in South Miami which was a 30-35 min drive depending on the traffic on the turnpike. He worked a strenious job in North Miami. I used to take him to work before I got a job because his car was messed up. Now his sister had to take him because they both worked in North Miami. Anyway---------> Found out I was pregnant in January, had an abortion, and here it goes. I began to feel like, I can't save any money, my car needs brakes, the oil needs changing, all this driving and now it needs a tune-up. I've never been in this type of situation. Damn I feel like I am struggling and I am supposed to be with a man?
Well, in Feb 06. My mom was having surgery and wanted us to come home. Edward and I had an argument the week before, so I was already packed, but couldn't leave when I wanted to because, my baby got sick, he got sick and had to go to the hospital the day I wanted to leave, So I took care of the both of them for 3 days. Within that time period, he wanted to aplogize and make up, start over , didn't want me to leave, etc.,etc. My mind was already made up that I was leaving, but I did suggest that he ride back to MS with me and stay for a few days and then we'd just come back. I never asked him to move to MS, just visit with me, while my mother was having surgery.
May I add, during the time of my stay his father had a massive heart surgery and was close to dying. I had to be supportive of him in that oh so stressful moment. But he couldn't do it for me.
So I left....... I regreted it because I didn't want to come back to MS. Felt as if I should have stuck it out and made it work. He was an all around guy.
Here's the twist---------> April 06 I come down to visit.... He's matured a whole lot, physically looking better, etc. I loved it. He'd found another job and so forth as a chest teacher making $30/hr but Part-time. Things were looking good. But I was snooping around and found a bus pass to Lake Charles, Louisiana. Then he left his messenger up and i found out the girl paid for the bus pass for him to come and see her for 2 days. i confront him about it and he says nothing, just looks guilty. Says he's sorry. He's inlove with me and that girl meant nothing.
Scenario #2---------> I come to visit for my birthday August 1st I brought my daughter with me for the roadtrip. On my birthday we go to the movies because it's so damn HOT in Florida. But he phone keeps ringing off the damn hook the WHOLE TIME and he won't answer. But I see a girl's name flash across it. This Bitch called all during my birthday. We go to Chili's and later on we go to Southbeach and the Sex Shop. While in the Sex shop he gets the phone call from a dude. Well it was the girl's boyfriend questioning him about who he was. He calls himself going off. I confront him right then and there. Tell him how stupid he is and so forth. Don't you know I was on the computer, he let messenger up AGAIN. This bitch done paid for a PLANE TICKET AND HOTEL for 2 Days. Flying HIM to SAN ANTONIO, TX. PAID $786.00. You know I told his ass to have a nice fucking trip before I left to go back home. By the way I found the password to his yahoo email account. I visited again in October for Halloween, me and my daugther again and guess what? I see pics of him smiling, cheesing, laying in the bed with his boxers on in the hotel room. They snapping pictures away. Found out on his yahoo account. She'd emailed the pictures to him. I went slap the fuck off. I asked why he just can't be honest with me? WTF does he want etc etc. Why you can't come and visit me and my daughter etc, etc. By the way my baby was like 16months and one day she called him daddy. She was used to seeing him everymorning etc. Well I asked him how he felt about it and he was ok with it. So she continued to call him Daddy.
Scenario 3------>I wish I could tell you all everything but I can't. My last visit that me and my daughter took was from 4/26/07-5/2/07. I bought tickets to go to the Miami Springfest. I wanted to end everything and we'd talked before I came. The vibe I was rec' from him I didn't like it anymore. I didn't want to share him anyone else. I mean I loved him entirely too much. I didn't share my body with anyone while in MS. I just got tired. Tired of finding out about other females. He lying steady saying he want things right between us and doesn't want to loose me and my daughter, He loves us etc., I mean all I tried to do was be a good mate to him. He started to turn cold towards me.
You know I found out about this one last girl and I called her and told her that she was stupid for paying $300 for him to come see her for 2 days in Atlanta,GA when he's not trying to pursue anything with her. You know she called him, God knows what she said or what he said about me. But anyway he called me asking me how I find out about this and why I call that girl etc etc. I never told him just was being as vague as I possibly could be. He tells me he's not calling me anymore. I ask why and he says he owes me no explanation.
You know what I don't care, I am not hurt, and I didn't cry when I left in May because it was already made up inmy mind that it was over. I wanted to tell him and never wanted to hear it and so I never told. I still want to know how in the hell he just up and come to the conclusion of not calling me anymore but all he says is I am sorry Latoria, just get over me, its for the best. Stupid nonsense crap. I mean atleast be a man and give me a reason. Then he claims he's moved on and I am like When? Over night? But he feels as if he owes nothing. So I let his ass have it really good. I let out how I felt and how un-supportive he was of me when I needed him the most, etc., And that I didn't loose much anyway. So when I look back at the situation all I see it GAME, GAME, GAME just in another form. I got played. I told him that and he swears its not like that and its not funny to him at all, he's not laughing, he's just unhappy right now, and he wants time to be happy.
What a JERK, 2-years and now you decide no to lead me on. He is as confused and desperate just like them internet whores(that's what I call em')
Desperate and Confused.
Please be aware of what you are getting into when wanting to try something different like internet dating.

How many of you think I got played?
Think I shouldn't have been snooping?
Think he's confused of his perspective of life?
Thinks he somewhat did care about me?

Answer:
not on poll...but me thinks you better off!
;)
Pack his lunch ina road map!

Answer:
LOL, Yeah the crap is funny to me. I swear i haven't cried not one time. The love slowly faded away until I felt like it was GONE.
Pack it and run over it. LOL
No hard feelings toward him thought. He stressed too much over little things, and was a good all around guy, but just wasn't reponsible enough for me, even though he loved the hell out of my daughter. But I just consider him now as being FAKE.

Answer:
You are so much better off without him........seems like he is just interested in finding sex partners, not relationships and in the end he is the one that lost.....not you. You are a kind, loving person seeking out to find someone to be with 100%, not just looking for sex, which it really seems that is what he is out for. It should never have gone on as long as it did. Herpes or not, he is an ass and I am glad for you that he "owes you no explanation" because it is better for you to NEVER even give him the privelage of talking to you ever again. Good luck and be strong.....you will find someone worth your time and I hope you find that someone soon.

Answer:
wow, you kept coming back. you get what you deserve.
what didnt you learn the first time you found out he was cheating, then you left and kept coming back WHY. hes not the babys daddy, he doesnt sound like he goes to see you, he doesnt even sound like hes worth it.

Fool me once
Shame on you
Fool me twice
Shame on me

Answer:
wow, you kept coming back. you get what you deserve.
what didnt you learn the first time you found out he was cheating, then you left and kept coming back WHY. hes not the babys daddy, he doesnt sound like he goes to see you, he doesnt even sound like hes worth it.

Fool me once
Shame on you
Fool me twice
Shame on me Like i said, its a lot more to the story. But everytime I told him to lets just end the shit, he never would just come out and say it. I went to Florida for several reasons, not just because of him. I loved living there. Its a beautiful state. Sometimes I needed a break from boring MS. But you're kinda right. Like I said I don't really care, bc I did nothing wrong to him. And I always told him he makes me feel stupid for driving down there and he still hasn't come to visit. But anyway its crazy.
Thanks 4 your reply.

Answer:
toria, toria, toria....
You just had to go and set tohealth off. So here comes a whole politically incorrect, sexist, unorthodox, blunt, "tough love" sermon on the mount.
Anyway it took me 3-4months to be convinced that I would come to visit. I drove my car from MS to Miami 14-15hrs. Mistake #1: If there is a penis ANYWHERE between his legs, you had no business driving anywhere to meet him. HE should have impersonated a MAN, and traveled to visit YOU. Ok? That's how that goes. If he can't figure out how to come to YOU, or FLY you safely and comfortably to see him (ROUND TRIP please, not one way), that alone means he is not worth visiting. No man capable of respecting a mate would tolerate her driving like that to see him. He wants access to your body and your sex, and isn't even decent enough and man enough to get up and go get it. What your driving there did is show him that you will overextend yourself and be his fool. I'm serious. That's all it did. So it started off wrong. You gave up all your power right there.

The relationship like all started to fluctuate. But we always made up. Forgive and Forget. Mistake #2: Honey, there is no place for forgiveness OR forgetting in a relationship. I don't care what all the "relationship people" say--that's bullsh!t. It's not even in the interest of your own personal health to do that. Forgiveness is the worst thing you can ever do in a relationship--especially a female. Forgiveness to you means forgiveness. But forgiveness to him means one thing only: a permission slip to screw you over and over and have you tolerate it.

I used to take him to work before I got a job because his car was messed up. Mistake #3: One more time: if there is a penile appendage between his legs, he will FIGURE OUT A WAY to get to his JOB like a big boy, WITHOUT needing a woman free limousine service.
Damn I feel like I am struggling and I am supposed to be with a man? Exactly. Is there a penis in here anywhere?? Hellooo?? Anybody seen it??

but couldn't leave when I wanted to because, my baby got sick, he got sick and had to go to the hospital the day I wanted to leave, So I took care of the both of them for 3 days. Within that time period, he wanted to aplogize and make up, start over , didn't want me to leave, etc.,etc. My mind was already made up that I was leaving, but I did suggest that he ride back to MS with me and stay for a few days and then we'd just come back. You should have listened to your mind and not his promises. Between the 2 which one is more reliable? You can't be wishy washy like this. If you are leaving, say so, and leave. It doesnt need to be a deep dramatic drawn out fiasco. Get your baby well and go. Period. The back and forth stuff is crazy and VERY unhealthy for your child to see and learn.

I never asked him to move to MS, just visit with me, while my mother was having surgery. You think a man who isn't even sensitive enough and emotionally mature enough to not have a female on the road driving to see him is sensitive enough to support you during your mother's surgery?

I had to be supportive of him in that oh so stressful moment. Why???? You aren't his family. You aren't his employer. You aren't his wife. You obviously are just "one of.." You aren't obligated to keep him or the general public from having a nervous breakdown because "life" happens. If he was a MAN, he would understand that one of the great benefits of a COMMITTED relationship otherwise known as MARRIAGE, and FAMILY, is the emotional support system that comes with it when life throws stuff at you, e.g., like sick parents.

Felt as if I should have stuck it out and made it work. Stuck "what" out? What did you actually have with him? You can't "make" something work. You don't have that power. Two people have to do that together and no matter how much you may want it, you can never want it for him.

He was an all around guy. Things were looking good. But I was snooping around and found a bus pass to Lake Charles, Louisiana. Ok, girlie, I just have a problem with women snooping around men's stuff. If you have to be a detective in your relationship, get out. It's not worth it. The problem is not what you find in his pockets, but the fact that you must have suspected something existed to go looking for it in the first place.

Then he left his messenger up and i found out the girl paid for the bus pass for him to come and see her for 2 days. i confront him about it and he says nothing, just looks guilty. Says he's sorry. He's inlove with me and that girl meant nothing. Ok. And when SHE sees evidence that he's talking to YOU, what does he tell her? You think it's different from what he tells you?

But he phone keeps ringing off the damn hook the WHOLE TIME and he won't answer. But I see a girl's name flash across it. This Bitch called all during my birthday. OHGODNO: 1st, why are you calling this woman a "bitch"? What has she done to you? Has she cheated on you? Has she lied to you? Has she made any promises to you and then broken them? The only person you should be upset with is HIM. Women need to stop hating other women over stupid worthless men. Women need to stop hating women period. Especially when you don't know them. This is just a lack of self esteem. And then he's laughing at both of you, screwing both of you, has both of you paying his way, and on top of it Y'ALL ARE CRAZY ENOUGH to actually argue about who gets to be his fool first and who gets to pay his sorry bills.

I asked why he just can't be honest with me? Because there's no reason to be. He can screw you and be dishonest and get away with it. Why should he change?
Why you can't come and visit me and my daughter etc, etc.? Because he doesn't care about you or your daughter. He just wants your body---and he darn sure doesnt have to travel at his own expense and inconvenience to get it b/c he knows you will bring it to him for free.

I mean all I tried to do was be a good mate to him. He started to turn cold towards me. ALL men turn cold to women they deep down consider to be...<<harsh word ahead>> "stupid" (I'm calling the behavior stupid, not the women). When they see you don't demand respect and respect yourself, they don't respect you either. Being a good mate does not mean giving giving giving. I don't know where women get this idea from. There should be a vaccine for it. If you are giving everything to a man, I guarantee you he does not respect you. NOT at all.

I called her and told her that she was stupid for paying $300 for him to come see her for 2 days in Atlanta,GA when he's not trying to pursue anything with her. You told her she was stupid?? Why?? But look---she didn't get on the road risking her safety driving long distance to see him. She just blew $300 (which you likely spent in gas, lord knows). And who knows; she may have gotten her money's worth in her opinion. And why are you calling somebody you don't know?? How do you know who he is trying to pursue something with?? I mean it's obvious that it's not you--he won't even come visit you. And its not her either because he's spending time with you (and whoever else is willing to come).

I still want to know how in the hell he just up and come to the conclusion of not calling me anymore And you think he cared about you and your baby, and he cuts off communication with your child just like that? He's getting what he wanted: sex (which is the only reason men look for women on that site) and women to take care of him like MOST black men like him do. Yes, I said it.

Answer:
Thanks girl, you know everything you said played in my mind. No I don't think he even gave a fuck about me and yeah I said it to him several of times. No, I'll never pick up the phone if he ever called. I shouldn't have let it go so far.
Calling the girl a bitch, I said it to myself, I didn't actually call her that. And you are right about women and men period.
I was stupid,dumb,naive all those things. He made me feel that way and I let him know, but still continued. Yeah, I was risking my life, health, fianances. I played myself. I played the game right along with him. Until it played out. I made a fool of myself. You are right about everything. My spirit within was right. GOD kept showing my dumbass and I still wouldn't listen. It was all about sex. And you know what that's the reason why his ass has Herpes now. I told him, if he kept on he was going to end up with AIDS. Just because he packing, his penis go end up falling off. I am glad its over. I regret everything, and having put my daughter through it. But thanks girl and sorry for the Sermon on the Mount. LOL
Chao
Thanks

Answer:
"OHGODNO: 1st, why are you calling this woman a "bitch"? What has she done to you? Has she cheated on you? Has she lied to you? Has she made any promises to you and then broken them? The only person you should be upset with is HIM. Women need to stop hating other women over stupid worthless men. Women need to stop hating women period. Especially when you don't know them. This is just a lack of self esteem. And then he's laughing at both of you, screwing both of you, has both of you paying his way, and on top of it Y'ALL ARE CRAZY ENOUGH to actually argue about who gets to be his fool first and who gets to pay his sorry bills."

Amen says the Ouch!!! This is something I have been trying to preach to women for freakin' YEARS and years!!! We are so quick to blame "the other woman" for the fact that our man is a douchebag!! Granted, there are some women out there in the world who will focus on ONLY married men...it gives them a perverse thrill to take what another has, and this women (and men) who do this are nothing more than bottom feeders.

At the same token, when will women learn that the "other woman" is not the one to blame, but the stupid ass man who is behaving is such a manner!?!!??!? And maybe if we women all banded together and united and say , hey you know what, I am NOT going to be your doormat, your yes person and I am not going to buy your lies, then less men would have the oppurtunity to act like childish little cads.

We women ALLOW for this to happen to us. The men are merely taking advantage of weak women.


What was also most upsetting to me is this child is being moved about from one place to another and as tohealth succinctly points out, is learning that this behavior and interaction with adults is ok. And it is not.

I am glad you finally got out of that relationship Toria. That guy was not worth spit on the ground. BUT...you allowed him to treat you in such a fashion. Believe me, we have all done it at least once in our life (dated a cad) but I hope this experience can be used as a HUGE learning experience for you. Don't let it happen again. Stregthen that spine of yours.

And Tohealth, you had me damn near piss meself when I read that line about

"Exactly. Is there a penis in here anywhere? HELLOOO! Anybody seen it?"

That had me rolling. It is something I have said to my male friends when they start acting like babies about serious situations! "What...did your penis (I use a bit more colorful term) just erode away?!?!? You no longer a man!" hahahaha!

Good stuff my lady!