Question:
I have posted this issue under relationships. But I was hoping to get a little more feedback regarding this situatin.

Can anyone please give me any advice as to what they said or how they dealth with a Non-H partner who is dealing with the fears of possibly being infected by you. To make a long story short. I was recently diagnosed (via blood test) with HSVII. Based on the symptons I believe that I was infected about 9 years ago. I recently told the person I'm dealing with my situation. While he has been very supportive, we are constantly dealing with his fear of being infected during a time of shedding ( I have not had an outbreak in years). He is very concerned even about simply touching my genitals (when an OB is not present). Since, being advised of my diagnosis we have had intercourse (for the first time) and used the following precautions:Condoms, allowed him to wear his boxers, and I am taking supressive daily meds. However, he is still very uneasy about the entire situation. While I definitly don't want to give him the false impression that everything is ok & that I am not contagious. Is there anything that I can do/say to help him feel a lil more comfortable with the situation at hand. Or is this just a comfort that will have to develop over time?

Answer:
There are a people on here who have more experience and info than I do.
Hopefully someone will post a reply. There is also info on Westover Heights.com about having " the talk " with a non infected partner. It's basically up to him. Just make sure he's tested for HIV if he's been intimate with others. If you have HSV, you must be on guard about HIV, because you may be more susecptible to catching it.

It's hard to say if someone will stick it out or not. Zora posted a sad story with a happy ending. I truly hope that story comes true for everyone.
Number one, take care of yourself.

Answer:
I try to think how I would have handled it if I was told that the guy who gave me herpes had it..... I really don't know if I would have proceeded with him.. which is sad... I always say if you love someone this wouldn't matter... and I really believe that...

just be honest... be educated... and understand that it is his choice.... you can't ever promise someone you won't give it to him... you just have to hope that they love you enough to not care that you did if it happens...

Answer:
I do believe it takes time and it seems like you're doing everything possible not to give it to him. You have to realize your relationship will never be the same and this is something both of you will have to deal with.
When I told my current partner, he was very supportive. We talked about it but we didn't let it control our lives. I remember when we had sex for the first couple of times, I was so nervous about giving it to him; the sex was terrible. Know we have a normal sex life and wearing a condom is no big deal. Plus, we know have a beautiful daughter. oops?condom broke.
Just to give you a little hope, this is the second relationship I have been in knowing I had herpes, and the first guy was also very supportive and he tested negative. We didn't break up because of herpes, he got transferred. So, if this guy bolts, don't worry there are guys out there who do understand.
The main thing is to be upfront with each other, you'll be surprised on how something like this can bring you closer together. Good luck!

Answer:
ladya,
I wrote you a response earlier in the D&R forum a little about my situation. It bears repeating that I've had HSV2 for twenty years so I've experienced enough of life with H to give you this advice.
There are no magic words or spells you can use to make your partner less afraid of contracting H from you. Truth is that some lovers won't care too much that you have H and others will stress about catching it from you no matter how they try to control it, or how much they care for you.
Your partner already knows you have herpes.You can not control or manipulate other people's emotions, like fear in your partner's case, to your condition. You can only allay some of his fears and build his comfort zone with safer sex measures and education. From what you describe, you are doing everything humanly possible to reduce the chances of transmission to your partner.
You must respect his right to make the choice of whether or not to take that risk, even if he makes the choice you may be dreading. :cry: Your man is probably a really nice guy who wants desparately to please you.. sounds as if he's trying his best to be supportive...but judging by his behavior,your man may just decide he can't cope with the fear any longer. Besides, Do you really want a sex life with someone who you know is preoccupied by negative thoughts ....it's not fair to or healthy for either of you.
My fiance of 3 years recently broke up with me. We were planning to marry this month and had made serious financial and family decisions for a future together. He gave me every sign and assurance that we were meant to be. He was fine with my H as long as I was taking supressants. He claims my having herpes wasn't the deal breaker; it was a factor, though. He admitted to me that the idea of him getting H was always in the back of his mind, making him feel uncomfortable. I was devastated and it hurt to hear this... but was I surprised? No.
I wish I could tell you for sure that your partner will feel better about your having H as time goes by...he may and he may not... I'm trying to prepare you for the worst case scenario. Rejection by our partner is one of the sad possiblities of having this disease, sometimes it doesn't happen immediately, after all, our loved ones need time to process the implications.
I do pray that your relationship is strong enough will weather this storm, if not, then it wasn't meant to be, honey.