Question:
Hey Everyone.

So this is my first time discussing how I feel in any way publicly and reaching out for help. I have never gone to an in person support group b/c I am too nervous to show my face basically, and was hoping this might help me cope. (I have gone for therapy, but I kinda would rather talk with others who have also gone through/are going through this)

First off, I first contracted herpes 4 years ago and have been trying to cope with it since. I really really have tried to date guys that seemed to be sensitive and nonjudgmental of things, but it turns out I havent been treated that well by any of them. They have definitely treated me differently based on my telling them of my problem. Anyway, I havent been too keen on dating this past year based on my history with these men. There was one especially horrible guy who I dated 3 YEARS AGO. I never did anything with him sexually that would endanger him (and when I have slept with some one I have ALWAYS told the person). Anyway, about 4 months ago, I got a phone call from my friend because word through the grape vine was that I had herpes and this guy was disseminating that information to a bunch of people who I knew and worked with formerly. I dated him years ago and have since moved (on &) from that city. Mind you, I don't tell this information to anyone, unless I have to. So I think that he found out through snooping through my drawers and finding a perscription for valtrex (and never did he confront me if I did have anything). The relationship ended sour anyway, and we really didnt talk much after that. Anyway, my friend asked me in March of this year if I had herpes and I denied it, because that is not anyone's business, and certainly if I don't tell you its not!

Well, since then I have felt lower than low. I feel like I am NEVER going to find some one to look past this stupid disease and accept me for who I am, a really good and loving person.

Not only that, I am also in a graduate program that is pretty small, and ALL the girls are pretty promiscuous, including my best friend here. They all just sleep with guys for kicks and then I have to hear later on, I hope I dont get herpes, ewwww, etc. (None know I have it). And on a daily basis, I hear herpes jokes and it strikes me to the core. When I hear people who I am close to, including some friends who are doctors, nurses and other health science professionals saying things like herpes this (in a negative way), or that...blah blah, it is so hurtful, because I think they of all people should be sensitive to health issues.

I seriously sit here crying, reflecting on how isolating this has been since I have had this and think that I am never going to find some one who I really love and loves me back. Is there hope? What should I do? How does anyone date, get married, have children without some one treating you terribly in the process or being painfully rejected bc of some stupid disease? I havent even dated lately and usually just reject guys b/c most dont seem very nice or understanding. Does anyone have any advice, or similar experience, or basically just want to talk about this with me? I really need a friend who has gone through this so that I can see the light, b/c I feel its very dark right now :( I just wish some one would write a post to give me some encouragement : )

Answer:
Heyy..
I am going through exactly what you are. Only its been about 4 mnths since ive gotten herpes. no one knows except my mom and i cant even talk to her about it. hearing my friends say things about herpes and make jokes kills me just like it does you. all i know to do is just shrug it off, i even kind of try to educate ppl about it without giving off any ideas that i myself have i. i dont know how i will find anyone either but jut reading ppls stories on this site gives me hope. theres someone out there who will accept you, ive come to see that if you ever need anyone to talk to just contact me :)

Answer:
hey, we're in the same boat!

i'm also in a graduate program, doing group work and one of my group members made a herpes "joke" one day... everyone laughed but me. none of them knows, and we make sexually implied comments to each other, but i wonder how serious those comments are or what the reaction of the person would be if i was to tell him (have a crush on him). i also discovered how gossipy students in the graduate program are, and i really don't want to finish the program with others whispering at the pub after class that one of the grad students has herpes.

it's hard to think of dating without saying something to the other person. i feel like i'm branded with an h on my forehead and that i shouldn't be allowed to think about dating someone i meet in life who's not from an std dating website. i've been feeling that it's wrong of me to make the implied comments to my peers even though its done in fun. i really need to change quite a bit about myself, don't i?

if you ever want to talk, feel free.

Answer:
Hey Pisces...
Sorry you have dated some real bozos. What a jerk. Sounds like a cruel individual adn you are BETTER off without someone like that. People are cruel, insensitive and ignorant and until it happens to them (and it will, karma is a BITCH) they will continue on with being bozos.

These promiscuous gals you are in school with are probably riddled with some sort of STD or a combination of them. Oh...when I worked at planned parenthood (in a college town) you wouldn't believe the bevy of college/sorority/grad school gals that came in with all sorts of lovely health issues. Over and over and over again. They never learned. These same promiscuous morons were also the ones who would holler RAPE the loudest, because the would go and get drunk, bang the whole football team willingly, then later on feel guilty about it so to cover their asses, they would start tossing the R word around.

Do not get me wrong, rape is the most heinous of crimes. However, I do not like see people using our judicial system to allay their own guilty feelings for being a whore bag. It completely denigrates the REAL victims out there and makes THEIR battle that much harder.

But I digress....all these idiots with their little attitudes and their little jokes are just choosing ignorance and acting as though "that can't happen to ME." It can. And usually DOES.

Shit, I laugh at the jokes myself, because you know what....? It IS funny. It is funny that people are so ignorant. I think to myself, yep, I have this shit, it sucks, but I am not going to let this stupid person ruin my day. These are usually the same people who make racial jokes or other off color jokes like that. At least they open themselves up to proving how lame and stupid they are. So laugh along at them...not with them.

As for dating...........sheesh, that is hard. Especially in a tight knit situation like grad school. First off, I wouldn't date anyone IN grad school. It is almost like dating someone you work with.....bad news all the way around. Those people do NOT need to know your status, it is none of their business. If you do DATE then do it with folks from the outside, and just because you date, doesn't mean you are automatically going to have sex, thus, you do not have to tell anyone. Just go out for some good conversation, human contact, laughter. If things seem to progress, take it from there. But I would focus totally on grad school and nothing else. This should be your top #1 priority (this coming from a college drop out! hahaha, but believe me, I WISH I had finished College and go on to further my education beyond that......SO...I give you big pats on the back for doing so.)

You will come out of this with so much to offer another human being, you will hopefully find a likeminded person who will be swept away with you and when you tell THAT person, it will be insignifigant to them.

Just keep fighting, keep kicking ass in school.....it will all fall into place for you, I am sure of it. There will be some worms along the way...feed those to the fishes! :twisted:


Good luck to you and good luck in furthuring your education!