Question:
Hello,

This email is a bit long, I just joined the site because of recent events and need some kind words of experience, advice, and encouragement. Here goes:

I was diagnosed with genital herpes type 1 about 2 1/2 years ago by a culture. The strange thing about it is after much reading and personal research I found that most individuals see an outbreak after being exposed within 2-20 days. My first outbreak came 6 years after the fact. I was just starting a relationship with a new partner and after talking to the clinicians at the clinic they said it was not possible given the time frame that I acquired HSV 1 from the new partner. I saw my first outbreak within days of our first sexual experience which confused me, but I knew my new boyfriend couldn't have given me H. When I went to the clinic I was terrified because all I knew then was that herpes was something up until then I had thought was horrible and was going to ruin my life. All I could think was what is my new boyfriend going to think or I'll never be able to have children. One of my life dreams. Anyway, my new boyfriend took the news very well and we continued our relationship for several months longer. The relationship ended eventually for other reasons not related to my H1 diagnosis. To my knowledge even up until now, that boyfriend never saw any symptoms of H, probably never even acquired it.

At a OBGYN appointment about 11 months later, at my exam, the doctor had said I was - for H. I thought what OMG, it was a mistake, I don't really have H. But I thought well, "but what if I do?" I decided that I still needed to assume it was a possibility of having H. The - for H on the result card only meant I was not currently having an outbreak, no visible sores at my appointment.

1 1/2 years after that I am still outbreak free. Happy for that because I haven't had to deal with it. I also haven't had any new partners since my ex boyfriend. I decided to get back in the dating game and met a really gorgeous and wonderful guy. We hit it off right away but things in the physical sense moved rather quickly. We hadn't had sex yet, just talked about it, so one morning we were laying next to one another in bed and just canoodling and being frisky. When he pulled down my panties if I may be so blunt, I got a little nervous. I stopped him and pulled him up to me to ask him if he had ever had anything. He casually said "no, I'm clean" and brushed aside me asking him and then he asked me the same thing. I started to explain to him my situation and he said "OMG, I've been kissing you", I explained that I didn't have it in my mouth. He immediately jumped out of the bed and ran into the bathroom and said "I'm taking a shower." I was totally and completely mortified and humiliated. I went into the bathroom after him and asked him to calm down so that I could explain and all he kept saying was "I don't want this, I don't want this." I asked him what now and he could only reply I need some time to think and I'll let you know. So after he completely humiliated me, I stood by and waited for him to only make me feel worse like I am some disease ridden I don't know what. In conclusion, I went to my PMD and got the test done to confirm that I had H1, I told him what to look for and expect if he were to have anything, which how could he, we never had sex, not even oral. His reaction was a complete overreaction. He told me he regretted any physicality we shared and that was it. I thought how could he be so ignorant. He didn't even care to stop and ask questions or show any concern for how he was making me feel. Now I feel damaged in the respect of having to tell future partners of my H. I feel it is my moral obligation to tell, but how do I get past this last experience to realize that not every guy is going to be an uneducated a**hole.

I work as a Health Professional right now in the area of STD prevention. I am very educated about all STDs including H. I don't know everything there is to know but enough to know that the reaction I got from the last guy I was with was even though he may have been freaked out his reaction was unwarranted. No one deserves to be treated that way for anything.

Any words of advice. I am single right now but looking. My dream is to be married and have children. I want to embrace that dream without the fear that it won't happen because I have H. I choose the username prettygirl, because I know that even despite having H, I am a pretty girl. I have to remind myself of that. I know that H doesn't make someone ugly but with reactions like the one I described, H can make you feel ugly. I guess I just need some support and encouragement to keep going.

Thanks,

Answer:
Bless your heart. I've kinda had the same experience. And I hope to sit down tonight and have "the talk" with the new guy in my life.

I have GHSV-1 as well. And it hasn't caused me many problems but it's still hard to tell someone you care about. You're always afraid they will freak out which isn't called for.

But don't worry. You do deserve to be happy and to have love in your life. This guy that freaked out would not have been able to give that to you in the long run. One day you will find the one that sees you and your heart and will love you no matter what.

In a way H is helpful to sort through those type of people. Doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt though.

Be strong and take care of yourself and your heart. Everythng will work out. :)

Answer:
Wow girl, I am sorry you had to deal with such an utter douchebag. You are LUCKY to find out what an uneducated ass he is NOW , rather than invest any time into him, THEN find out! What a pig.

and the whole "oh, I am CLEAN" shit I hear people spew out...yeh, right whatever. Those that doth protest the most......I would be willing to bet he ain't as "clean" as he wants you to believe he is. Jerk.

I am sorry you had to experience a jerk like this, but I can assure you, that down the road, you will find that there ARE people out there who ARE educated and who ARE kind and will accept you regardless of having herpes.

I have no problem if someone is afraid of contracting herpes and maybe will shy away from a relationship because of it. That is THEIR right. it is how they HANDLE the situation that seperates the mice from men. (and women) Jumping out of bed, into the shower, damn near calling Hazmat is NOT a grown up way of handling things.

You sound like a lovely, articulate woman. I am sure oneday you WILL find the right fella and you will get married, have children, the whole thing. Don't let this dork sour you or frighten you. (doesn't sound like he has...so GOOD!) Just take baby steps and go at a pace that feels comfortable for YOU!

I wish you the best of luck ....the dating scene is ROUGH...herpes or no herpes! I feel for all my single lady friends. A couple of them have dated some real toads lately, so I am helping them get through that. I am GLADto be off the market, to say the least. I make my boyfriend take me on "dates". (meaning out of thehouse, somewhere nice, no kids! hahaha)

Again, good luck! Take care! :D

Answer:
I am sorry to hear of your experience. I have to say, you are lucky you found out about this guy and his inability to deal with stressful situations now! And if he is clean... he wont be for long, if he wasnt even concerned about whether you had any std's or not before he wanted to do the nasty! You were the respectible one! I have herpes, and I am not sure which one, but if I were in that situation, I would become friends with someone first, then after at least 1 year of friendship I would decide whether or not I wanted to maybe have a relationship beyond friendship. At that point I will trust the person completely and then tell them. I do think this virus is some what of a blessing because people just wanting a physical thing will be snuffed out right away! It also keeps us responsible and moral people from getting into bad relationships (for the most part).

Answer:
Hi all,
I recently started seeing a man who I thought I was really into. Five weeks(!) into the relationship and in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time he dropped what I can only deacribe as an H-bomb on me.
My reaction was not as drastic as the above mentioned one but I was really feaked out. I mean, I consider myself to be an educated woman and knew the herpes basics but had never done any real research into the subject. I asked him a couple of questions....on anti-virals?...no. Last break-out?...2 months ago. But, of course, it really killed the mood. Needless to say, over the following couple of days I did alot of research and came to the conclusion that if he did not take the anti-virals that I would have to end it.
Two days later we had the talk and he told me that he refused to take the medication. Funny...he wanted to sleep with me but would do nothing to protect me.
My request for you all with herpes...tell a potential partner before feelings and sex are involved. It's only fair.
Thanks,
D