Question:
I'm gonna be really blunt here in the hope that it will jiggle something in your head . i fell into this forum page by accident and thank god i don't need it . because if i did need it , then after reading a few comments ,i probably would have put a bullet to my head because i have Herpes . maybe i'm one of the few that see Herpes in a different light so hopefully i can shed some on you .

what's the big deal about having herpes?well,the bigger deal is psycological , i bet you wouldn't spare half a worry if it was on your lips , and that is because the "Genital" bit is the thing that's stuck in your head ,and makes you feel dirty ,cheap ,or whatever ,the only difference is , when it's on your lips ,everyone can see it , at least with type 2 HSV you can cover it with cloths ,and only YOU know it's there .also, i can live with not being able to have sex with my partners for a few days ,but not with not being able to kiss them for a few days.
herpes is mainly big and painful during the initial period ,and that's because your body hasn't developed antibodies against it yet , in time it subsides to a point where you know it's there ,but can hardly see it , the more you concern yourself with "How do i tell" "Will i be accepted" etc' the more outbreaks you gonna have ,it's a vicious cycle that YOU cerate in your mind . the virus lives in your nerve system ,and is triggered by your thoughts,worries, and concerns .
A partner would leave you because you have Herpes ? are you insane? any partner like that would leave you if you had a pimple on your nose ,or a cratch on your ass , get a grip ! any partner that takes this Virus for more than just a virus ,is childish ,shallow and ignorrant ,and if you want to have a good harmonious relashionship with anyone , you don't go for childish ,shallow ,and ignorrant whether you have Herpes or not .
I got Herpes after a woman spiked my drink at a party and draged me to a motel room and had her way with me after she refused to take no for an answer , i'm a hadsom man ,and meet a lot of woman and incase you thought that being good looking is always lucky , this is an example of the opposite , at least if i got it for being promiscuous ,it would have been a lot easier for me to accept it , the fact that i was in a relationship at the time ,didn't make it easier , and luckily my partner at the time believed me particularly after the police got involved [i was more worried about AIDS then Herpes ]
I never had a problem meeting a woman because i have Herpes , nor will i let it upset me if someone rejects me because of that ,having Herpes is not a big a deal ,it's only a big deal IF YOU MAKE IT ONE ! you get it once in a while ,you use products that make you heal quicker ,and you move on . if you let the psycology get the better of you , you will suffer not only the psysical aspect , but it will lower your self esteem unnecesarily .and will probably trigger another outbreak .
If you meet someone you like ,tell them like it was a common cold , if they leave you , just thank your Herpes for preventing a life of missery with that partner .
Sorry for sounding a bit harsh ,but sometimes you need to shake someone up in order to get it through , move on ,live with it , there are far worst things you should worry about then Herpes , i have never given the virus to any of my girlfriends ,and if i felt early signs of an outbreak ,i would tell them that i'm in the "Observation" period in order to make sure i don't put them at risk ,and that always makes them trust me and love me more , NEVER STICK YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND!! educate yourself about the virus
what are the early signs [ie ,shooting pain down your legs, tingling sensation ,etc'] the more you know ,the more you understand ,you're not alone . if you can train your mind not to think about it ,and yourself not to paint this doom and gloom picture ,you will seldom get outbreaks ,i guarantee you !!!
I hope my post will shed a different light on you , and if it does , than my time to write this was worth it , remember , your concerns are psycological ,they're in your own head ,the what if's are all in your head ,let the virus work for you to "Sift " out the ones that will make your life misserable .
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON !!! and you can get something good even out something that seems terrible ,like Herpes .

God Bless ! Very Happy

Answer:
Yea, ok... Tough Love is good and all. But people who experience these forms of virus have to deal with the stigmata of having a virus that is usually used as a joke and a tool to make fun of people. On top of that they worry about accidently infecting other people (as they should), Side effects (especially for women) and generally whenever you are in pain it causes you to be depressed and down. I know before I was infected with HSV I always developed Canker sores (I have one right now) and the fact that I was in pain and it made me feel like I was constantly salivating (even though I wasn't) and changed how I talked a bit made me more socially awkward. It's a subconcious thing. Your in pain and hurting so your going to act different. This is doubly the case with HSV. Not only are you in pain and hurting but your afraid to pass it on to someone else or spread it to other parts of your body (like your eyes which cause blindness).

While I aggree that it's important to tell people that life doesn't end here and that generally HSV is only going to be a small nusance for the rest of your life . It is something you'll have to deal with for that time and you'll probably encounter some rejection because of it.

From your post I see you have a great self-esteem and confidence that not many people have. Good for you. Unfortantely Self-Esteem and confidence are not something that you can tell someone "Hey, Get some self-Esteem fool" and generally people are suddenly going to go. "hey your right". Personally I've never had a whole lot of social self-confidence anyhow, so it's just another hill to climb on top of a already big mountain! Not all of us here are handsome and social like you. Try and see it from another persecptive. Obivously what you are saying is true factually but in reality it doesn't always work that way.

Answer:
You have a point !

Answer:
Biotech , this is exactly my point !

How do you know you'll be laughed at ,if you keep it a secret? how can you be so sure you're gonna be rejected because of it? this is all assumptions that YOU put in your head , how many times have you been rejected because of it? be honest , it's the fear that you might be rejected that puts you in a position of low self esteem and anxiety , would you reject someone you like because of it if you didn't have Herpes?
I've never heard people laugh at someone with Herpes , and having it doesn't mean you're a dirty rampant whore , as you read in my post , i got it even while being in a monogamous relationship .
What i'm trying to say is , it's not that bad ,and not the end of the world ,it's not life treatening , and if anything ,it will help you have a healtier life ,because with herpes you have to exersise a lot , avoid refind sugars ,smoking ,alcohol , and other things that arn't good for you . in your case ,use it to boost your social esteem , just try it and you might just be surprised that the stigma is created in your head , you might actually be surprised how common and accepted this virus is amongst society , OK once in a while you might meet someone that wouldn't want to be with you because you have it ,but just look at who this person is , they're either ignorrant , immature , or just vain ,bacause this virus is so common ,that there are so many people that don't even know they have it ,which impose a greater threat to those immature individuals . be strong and focus on your good side , i'm sure that your partner will over look the virus once they see your personality and how fun being with you is . laugh at it yourself , i'm not saying wear a Tshirt with a sign , but be more open about it , and it will ease the anxiety , there are more people with hepatitis C , would you rather have that ?
I don't think i have more self esteem then the average Joe , but i've chosen not to let it lower it , and you know what it is so much better and easier to manage ,after all , if you tell your mind that it's a disaster , your mind will comply with your wishes and probably send you the people that will confirm this , you must break the chain , put it in the right perspectives
otherwise you'll get to a point where your gonna stay with partners just because they accept your condition , and overlook their real flaws ,now that's a life threatening disease . reading all the comments in this forum is just make it worst for you and anyone else that thinks like you , so take it from someone that had it for 15 years , i've never had any social problems ,never had any stigmatic issues , and you can too , just see it in the right light , put it in perspective for what it really is ,and have a great life !

God Speed

Answer:
well, Obivously I have been rejected zero out of zero times becuase I have not had to disclose it since I've gotten it! However I know other people who have had it and found it difficult, obviously it's a good test to see if someone is worth while since they will drop you then and get over it but most people don't like to lose friends in this way. Generally people don't like to disclose any medical information about themselves.

Anyhow, you missed the point of my objection! I generally do turn bad things into good thing in fact I'm one of those optistmistic people. The point is no everyone is going to have the same background and experience as you have. Some people get outbreaks regularly and sevely other have had complications and have infected their partners and lost contact with people they care about because of it. It's easy to tell someone that everything is going to be fine but that doesn't happen in all the cases. This forum is here to help people who are worrying about herpies and how it will affect them. If your life is great and you've had no problems with it good for you but that's not the case for everyone here. personally I've had not had a negative experience with the virus (other then a outbreak or two) but I stay in these forums to make sure others are educated (and supported) so that they can stop fearing the virus and social contact. I'm just saying telling someone that "well at least you don't have Hep C" or "Noone has ever been rejected because of Herpies" are not a completely helpful statements because well many people have been rejected because of herpies! and Someone is probably telling the person infected with Hep C that at least they don't have HIV and the peson with HIV is being told at least they don't have Ebola and so on and so on. Perceptive is a wonderful thing.

Sometimes things happen for no reason. The point is when a event happens you have the ability to try and make it a positive (or derive a postive gain out of it) or it can be all negative. To help people make it a positive you need to support them and not everyone can just do it themselves or has some outside support system to help them out. From your posts I can derive that you are a religious person which I'm sure helps you out greatly with these problems however not everyone has this backbone and has to look for a different path to help themselves.

Answer:
People come to this forum to try and get support , and although a lot come here due to fear and anxiety ,the purpose of support is not to confirm their concerns ,but give them another outlook at the situation and try and be positive about it as well . imagine going to a psyciatrist with a problem ,and the psyciatrist is sitting there adding to your problem by saying "Yeah ,i know it's terrible,what are you going to do you poor thing" you'd go even more crazy , the psyciatrist's job is to make you see your problems in a different light to create a balance in your mind so you don't let anxiety take over .
People that respond to my post are doing just that , and by doing that extinguish the hope that i'm trying to create , if you want to go about your life wallowing in your missery ,that's your decision and choice , those that are new to this and have concerns ,are welcomed to try and balance it out in their heads , i was giving a different perspectives to the 90% of depressing and mainly unbased fears and what you do with it is up to you .
there's no ned to turn it into an argument to try and convince me wrong , there's no need to , my comments are based on experience , someone like "biotec" for instance , have never experienced "telling" yet ,she[i think it's a she] is objecting to a more positive and different out look from someone that have disclosed it many many times , something tells me that "Biotec" avoids relationships because of this ,and hence letting the virus take controll of her life
If i told you that walking on hot coals is not that bad cause i've done it many times , you can take my word for it , of keep living in fear that you might burn yourself and never do it[metaphorically speaking]
Anyone that rejects you because you have Herpes , would have rejected you if you didn't have lots of money ,or are bald , or have too much hair on your back , skindeep people will always be skindeep ,and don't assume that just because you have Herpes ,that you are going to be alone for the rest of your life .
There's already terms going on here like "The Talk" ,people who try to cash in on your missery and start a "Herpes Dating" sites ,Jesus!!what are we lepers?
Go and do a bit more research on statistics like "95% of herpes sufferers don't have a problem meeting the right person"

On a more positive note ,at least for the woman[for now] , a vaccine for Herpes is in it's third stage and so far passed all the required testings and expected to be on the market within 18 months , for some reason it only works for woman . but men don't despare , because clinical tests have started on a general vaccine for men and woman that was very successful on animals testings ,and is very promising , the vaccine elliminates the DNA in the virus that causes it to replicate ,and hence killing it all together[go and do some research ,and get out of your cage ]

To "Biotec" , you were wrong about me being religious ,i am far from it ,i am however very spiritual and tend to look at the positive side of things , so to you i say , be positive , don't argue with someone that's trying to tell you that the light at the end of the tunnel is not of an on coming train
anyone that loses friends because of this , well,i'm sorry to say ,but they never really had friends ,and therefore didn't lose anything .
i agree with you ,not everyone has a strong back bone ,but it can be strenghtened ,and that's what i'm trying to do , i'm not here to brag about how brave i am ,i'm here to share my experiences to help sufferes put things in perspectives ,and use the virus to their benefit , the rest is up to them .

To the rest that do have concerns [and it's natural] don't let this virus control your lives ,think about the things you can offer your partners beyond the disease , relationships are not just about sex ,and if an outbreak abstain you from sex for a few days , than thank god you have other things in common to ocupy yourselves with while you're healling ,and once you've healed , sex is so much more exciting

Other ways to control outbreaks is my taking Lysin , and less arginin [chocolate,nuts,soya beans,etc' ] when you feel an outbreak is brewing ,take Lysin tablets ,it really helps ,the Herpes virus can't develope in a Lysin enriched environment , however it loves argnin and feeds on it ,so avoid it .


I won't sign off with "god bless" just incase i'm being confused for a religious person :-)

So ..PEACE .

Answer:
I LOVE YOU WHATTHA I THINK YOU'RE COMPLETELY RIGHT ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. I'm not saying I think like that 100% of the time, but I think life works out for people who embrace a positive outlook on themselves, and life. Herpes included.

YAY FOR HERPES! No, I'm just kidding! LOL

Answer:
No you don't seem to understand the point of my objection. I'm not arguing just trying to point out what I felt was insenstive about your initial statement.

First, we both are assuming alot about each other, you assumed that I am a girl and also have been avoiding relationships (both not true, I recently broke up with my ex and usually after a long relationship it's good to not rush into the next best thing. But to say I've been avoiding relationships is not true.) I'm not even saying that I don't agree with you. What I am saying is the tone and way you are presenting your message. Of course a Therapist is not going to say "Oh well your screwed, here have a hug" But the Therapist is also not going to say "OH, Grow up it's no freaking big deal, I had the same problem and worked through it with no trouble!". Your message in it's tone lacked Empathy for what some people are going through. Some of the people coming to this board have very little experience in relationships, were just broken up with, cheated on, betrayed in same way and now they are dealing with painful sideeffects. Like I said when you are in pain it's hard to think rationally. But just because your able to handle the situation with ease not everyone thinks that way.

The vaccines only help Women who are not infected by the virus already. Which while is great for me as a guy with it knowing I may not infect a woman. It's still not going to stop outbreaks and sideeffects. There is no cure for a virus out there and while you can work to supress it you'll always have it.

But even with that negative comment I'm not telling people to go live in a cave. It's important to go out there and live your life. I know as a non-infected person I choose to have a relationship with someone who was and I accepted the consequences and the risk.

I have mainly seen people be extremely supportive on these boards and try and educate as many people as possible. I also see people coming to the board looking for support and empathy and also scared.

Anyhow, sorry to assume the religion but the point still remains the same. Some people have a phosophy of life that is beneficial in situations like this (I know I do)

Answer:
oy vey.....OY VEY!!!

For once, I am at a loss for words. I truly am.

Sure there ARE FAR WORSE DISEASES in the world as compared to herpes, HOWEVER, herpes CAN be extremely dangerous and/or fatal to the most innocent in society.

Infants and children.

Go read up on some recent posts here, educate yourself a bit. Having such a lackadaisical, savoire faire attitude about a virus like this is DEADLY. Look up Wendy Bonnell, whose granddaughter passed due to contracted herpes sometime during or shortly after birth (they are not sure how the child contracted it, it could have been from a family member with cold sores kissing the baby passed it on, if I read the post correctly....this poor little angel lived for only 19 days.) or Eathans mother...whose child has severe brain damage due to contracting this virus. (again, mum didn't know, hence the reason for more testing to be done on pregnant women!!)

Not everyone is "blessed" with a strain of herpes that manifests itself physcially only once in a blue moon. Most folks suffer greatly, and frequently. I am sure they are not jumping for joy that they have this virus. I wish I could turn back the clock on when I contracted it from a lying sack of shit who should have told me and knew better (seeing as he works in the medical field...then again, I have little to no respect for most doctors and their "god complex'"!)

So while I agree that we shouldn't lacerate ourselves over having this virus, nor should we be treated differently, I also say it is up to US as responsible adults to ensure that this crap doesn't spread...and we should not behave all willy nilly about the severity of this virus.

I am a realist. I am entrenched in realism...although I have tangents and dreams of cures for viruses, I am still a realist. I want people to be educated about herpes...I feel it is a great travesty on our health/education system for not teaching more young people about herpes and letting them know that, yes, while it is bad, it is something you can live with and it is not THAT bad...however, if not careful, it CAN be dangerous. (ie...unborn children, somebody with cold sore kissing an infant...etc.) There have even been some on this board here who have suffered from menegitis/encephalitis due to herpes.

So, I will do everything in my power to keep it real, to educate people about this virus, and to keep things in a positive perspective. But I sure as hell am not going to mislead people, and condone crazy, criminal behavior, and I am not going to sugar coat a damn thing just to appease ones delusions or "delicate sensibilities."

ugh.

While these cases are RARE, they DO happen...and the way I see it, they should not happen EVER!