Question:
hi everyone,
okay here goes. i am 58 years old, been married for 2nd time for 9 years now. haven't been with anyone except my husband since we met in jan 96. prior, wasn't very sexually active, minimal partners.
i developed a "sore" in my perianal area a few weeks back. i'm due to have a total hip replacement in january and if i have any infections the surgery will be cancelled so i went to the doctor right away to find out if i had some kind of an infection.
doctor examined me, took a culture and called me a couple days later to tell me i have herpes. i was quite shocked. never did call back yet to say whether it's type 1 or 2.
my husband has never had any sores on his penis. i have had this "sore" before, over the last few years, but it's not really a sore. no way is it a blister or a cluster, like a herpes. it's more like a tiny tear. it has only ever happened when i'm extremely constipated and i bear down too hard, it's like i tear. then, because my urine is so strong (which i really wanted to know about when i went to the doctor: WHY?, but she ignored that entirely), it then inflames the area and until it heals, every time i urinate it burns like heck.
i've asked my husband to look all the times i've had this and see what it is, he says he sees nothing but the redness, no sores.
then the other day i get a letter from the county social services about herpes. that doctor reported me. i can't believe it. so now i'm in some database that i have herpes. i was ticked. whatever happened to confidentiality?
does anyone here have a herpes outbreak like the "sore" i've described here. should i get a second culture, next time i have one, by another doctor? i rarely get them, maybe 2 or 3 times a year, tops.
thanks so much.
indeliblerose :confused:

Answer:
okay, i hadn't looked around here at the forum before sending that post. i read where a herpes outbreak CAN be a tear or CAN be an inflamed area. WOW! i didn't know.
also, and i knew this, but before i get the "sore" i always have warning, like it will ache in the area -- like a coldsore on the lip will feel funny before it actually shows up. btw, i have had cold sores since my teens.
and i do feel kind of like i have the flu when i get that sore area.
i'm still shocked. i don't know why, as prevalent as herpes is, that i have it, i just didn't know; it's just embarrassing, i guess, no matter what.
and i can't believe i'm telling the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the doctor gave me an ointment to apply to it and it was gone in a couple days, but i had had it for a few days prior to seeing her. she told me next time i feel one coming on, to call and get a prescription.
so, damn, i guess i have herpes. what a shock.
my husband on the other hand is in total denial that i have it. he said that the doctor is just saying i have it. i know it can lie dormant in one's body for years before showing up, "down there", but now i'm wondering if maybe he gave it to me, because he has had pimples on his penis -- never a blister, but little red bumps. i didn't know those were herpes either. or maybe i gave it to him, or maybe we gave it to one another, ha.
guess i'm not as smart as i thought i was. LOL not funny. :rolleyes:
indeliblerose

Answer:
Oh dear, well at least it sounds like you've still got your sense of humour. If your husband is in denial that you have it then I would guess he's probably saying that the pimples he gets are normal - men! They are rather fond of the denial card aren't they!!!

The majority of people who have it don't know they have it because they are asymptomatic. The next largest group are those who have mild symptoms, but ignore them because they think they're normal. This never fails to amaze me but I can understand that men (in particular) aren't going to go the doctors with a very small spot in the genital area!

I think your husband needs to get tested. My guess is that you both have it. And if that's the case, well, who cares who gave it to who, you can pretty much continue with life as you were, before you realised you had it. Really nothing's changed, except now you know. It's a bummer (no pun intended!!! is that a word used in the USA?), but it needs to be seen as just an inconvenience. Best of luck.

Answer:
I was just diagnosed with GH yesterday. I went into the doctor because I had a slight pain. Originally the doctor just thought it was a tear as well. Two doctor's actually. But they also had a slight suspision that it could be herpes. I even felt, what I thought was the begining of the tear, during sex. Turns out it was herpes, even though it was one sore, that looked like only a small tear. I guess I should feel lucky that I didn't have a terrible outbreak like many people do. (always trying to look on the bringht side).

Answer:
To The Future: ya, i don't know why my husband can't just admit it, i wasn't afraid to. MEN! yes bummer is a word we use in the USA. i agree, i'm pretty certain he has it also. and it is a bummer, but things could be way worse.

Lauryn: your positive attitude is inspiring!:)

Answer:
What the heck is THAT? Your doctor 'reported' you to social services for having herpes?? Has anyone ever heard of this? Am I the only one that is surprised by this?
That can't be ethical. There is no reason your doctor should have sent a letter to ANYONE. I'd get a lawyer.
Its hard enough having this crap without the whole world knowing your business. YOU should be the only one to choose who knows and who doesn't, after all, it is a very personal thing and can only be trusted to a few select people (in my opinion.)
I am appalled by this 'reporting' by the doctor. Anyone else??

Answer:
itsgottogetbetter . . .
thank you! i thought it was weird as well. but then i thought maybe it's the law. believe me, when i go see her on 1/18 for my presurgery physical, she's going to hear about it. i couldn't believe it either and was very shocked that this is done. has anyone else had this happen to them? OUTRAGEOUS, that's what it is!:shock:
indeliblerose

Answer:
Its insane is what it is. I've never heard of any 'law' of reporting to social services that someone has herpes. Man, I would let her have it if I were you, and maybe find another doctor, AND get a lawyer's opinion. These are grounds for 'pain and suffering' on your part. I would be appalled if my OB/GYN sent a report to anyone. I don't even think there is any kind of database for people with AIDS or that its a 'law' to report someone with AIDS, so HOW can there be one for herpes? Come on now, this is insane.
If there IS such a law, I'd like to know about it, cause I don't want my personal business aired all over the place.
This is unacceptable.
Please keep me posted on what you do about this.
If there WAS some kind of public posting of who has herpes, freakin' noone would go to the doctor to get help or get diagnosed,,,,,,,jeesh.

Answer:
Got to agree. In uk you can - and regulary do - give a pseundonym.

Which is fiar enough.

BUT when we that, and I've done that, we keep the stigma alive.

Happy New Year