Question:
Hi all. I had my first OB in oct. 2003, I was married for one month (had been with him almost a year). He never told me he had herpes, and denied it when I came home crying from the doctor telling me my OB was herpes (which I figured it was by looking at it and feeling the pain). When I told him, he denied it, I even put him on the phone with my doc, who told him he was 99.9% sure he gave it to me. But he continued to deny it, plus he never once after that seemed 'worried' about it, or concerned about his OWN health (If truly he didn't have it, one would think he'd WANT to go get tested and learn about the virus and protect himself,,,??)
So I know in my heart he gave it to me. I kicked him out 2 months later (He never did go get tested). Found out he was on the internet looking at PORN all day while I was working, and looking at local dating sites. OH and being with prostitutes. WOW was my judgement off on HIM!
But hey, he did leave me with this nice 'gift' that keeps on giving. I'm just glad he didn't bring home AIDS to me.
Since then, I haven't dated at all. I live in dread of dating someone and having to tell them about it and then have the chance of them rejecting me because of it. Plus I just don't want everyone knowing my business. I'm afraid I might tell someone, then they will not want to see me anymore, then they might go tell other people about me having H. Paranoid, yes? I KNOW I KNOW, I have 'alot more to offer' someone and herpes 'is a small part of me', blah blah blah. But I just don't feel that way. I feel this is HUGE in my life, I feel like Typhoid Mary.
I haven't had a whole lot of outbreaks, although that first year was TOUGH, I had a bunch of them, very painful. But now I'm at maybe 2 OB's a year and they aren't too bad. But they always remind me of the mistake of a marriage I made.
I feel very withdrawn. I do most things by myself. I do have friends that I do things with, but I am missing having a chance to just 'date' and not feel the pressure of having to tell about my HERPES eventually. Its all I can think about, so therefore I just DON'T DATE.
Guess I'm just venting, since you all understand how I feel.
Its been 3 years, and I was hoping to feel better about it by now, but I don't.
Its been very lonely. I'm not one to 'date' over the internet, and I know there are some great H dating sites. I've looked at them, but never had the nerve to actually make contact that way.
I just feel so betrayed, because I was in a committed relationship. None of us deserve this card we were dealt, but it was dealt, so I guess we got no choice but to deal with it.
He could have atleast had the decency to tell me the truth, or if he actually WAS someone that doesn't KNOW they have it, he should have gone to get tested like I asked. But he is a pathological liar (one of the other reasons I kicked him out), so I figure he knew about it and just didn't tell me.
OH well, whats done is done. I have to live with this now,like we all do. Its not that bad really, but that damn stigma society has put on it, jeesh.
I need to let myself date again. There is a guy interested in me, and I think he might ask me out, but I will probably just say NO like I have in the past.
I wish I could be the outgoing person I once was.
I am going to try to make a new years resolution to let myself date again. Let someone get to know the real ME, then when I trust them and feel I like them enough, I will tell them about the H. If they leave, then atleast I tried and got myself out there again.

Answer:
Good to have you on board.

Three years does sound a long time. Hopefully now that you've found this site (the best forum I've ever found) you'll make some good progress.

There are lots of us here - people with herpes (like my ex), people without (like me last time I could get tested). Keep an eye out for Ouch - she has some good advice.

Dangermouse

Answer:
Honstly?

Yeah having herpes is SHITE. But what were your shite bits before this?

Mine were; impatience, intolerance, wind (!) etc.

My worst bits? See above. Get my point? This is as bad as we make it. Me? It's not gonbna be that bad.

Answer:
It really hurts to hear that your husdand was such an ass!!
The person who gave this to me didnt tell me that he had this either and the worst thing about it is that he gave me and we NEVER had unprotected sex (just my luck right?)
Well i hope things get better for you because it really does get better with time. I've had this since last year september and i still think about it several times for the day but not as much as i did before. I am now in a relationship with the sweetest guy ever and even though i know there is a possiblity of passing in on to him due to the fact that condoms dont give 100% protection, we're just hanging in there. You will find someone out there who is understanding enough to deal with this with you.

Hope everything goes well!!!