Question:
Hi there,
I got herpes when I was 18. I remember going to my graduation with a bad outbreak. I slept with the wrong guy. When I went to the doctor, the nurse took a look at it and I heard her whisper to another nurse something about herpes. It took almost two weeks to get my results. It didn't really faze me at first, I think it was denial. But after about a month, I got soooo depressed. I remember sitting in my bedroom and writing a suicide letter to my parents and brothers. I sat on the floor with a knife to my wrist and I could NOT go thru with it. I've never been suicidal. But this was too much for me. I kept picturing my family at my funeral and what it would do to my parents. Now, that I'm 24, I can't believe I almost took my own life over this. It still kills me sometimes when I think about me having this virus. But it's not something to commit suicide over. I have a hard time telling people about it.

I have an awsome boyfriend who loves and accepts me. But there have been bad times between us where I want out of the relationship but I'm scared to death of being single and having to find someone who will "accept" me. I'm an attractive girl, I hate being scared I'll be alone because of this disease.
Did any of you with H ever get so depressed from being diagnosed to the point of wanting to commit suicide?

Answer:
Fortunately, no, I never contemplated suicide due to herpes. I was to damn mad when I found out I had it, more ready to KILL the lying bastard who gave it to me....but I got over that as well and found other ways to flip things around on him. I can honestly say if I saw him walking down the street right now, I would knock him on his arse.

However, sadly enough, I DO know of many people who either contemplate OR actually attempt suicide due to having genital herpes. This is so sad, and I blame society and the medical community at large for not educating people about the reality of herpes. There is so much stigma attached to this one virus, I dare so, even more so than hiv. People are labeled as "dirty, slutty, loose" etc, if they have herpes. It boggles my mind.

I am glad you did NOT kill yourself and I am glad you are here on planet earth to make it more interesting. Herpes sucks ass, but....it is not the end of the world. I know it FEELS that way sometimes, but you will be fine!

Answer:
Thank u so much for your response. You are so right about the stigma. What's worse for me is I waitress in a showclub. People already assume I'm a "slut, easy, etc.". . People will think, "Oh, well that's how she got it". I really get down about it.

Answer:
I know, it is hard from time to time not to get down about it. I still do (usually when I have an outbreak...I will get all sad and contemplative....you know..."oh why me, why did I trust him, blah blah blah". I usually snap out of that pretty quickly. ;-)


You know, next time you are at work....look around you and say....1 in 4 people in the U.S have genital herpes. I can assure you, YOU are not the only one in that showclub who has it. On any given night. THAt is how widespread this stuff is. I know that thought is not very comforting, but, you are truly not alone in this. And as for morons who think only "sluts" and/or "manwhores" get this stuff, well, they are delusional and/or in denial. I personally have no time or patience for such narrow-minded schmucks, and you shouldn't either. Focus on you , taking care of you, and being the very best person you can be. Herpes will always be a small, annoying part of your life but it for sure will not define you (uless you allow for it to) .

So try to stay strong and take care of yourself. During times of outbreaks, REALLY pamper yourself....get a pedicure, or manicure, or facial...eat well, take your vitamins...do nice, relaxing peaceful things. It will make you feel GREAT about yourself AND might help in the "quick-healing" process as well!! (lets face it, most people on here don't get outbreaks from feeling good and well relaxes!!)

Chin up little sister! you will be fine. Take care! :-)

Answer:
yes thought about it several times and still crosses my mind when i am extremely depressed on certain days......so scary because i could have never fathomed in my life ever even thinking about that idea before. I used to think it was the most selfish thing a person could do but that changed when i got this. It sounds insane i know but i think about it. The only reason I never have is because I couldnt imagine what that would do to my mother and family...and so i am happy i never actually did it....especially on days when the sun is shining and Im outside in nature and remember what life is really about....so its tough and yes still crosses my mind when im at my lowest but i know i have to be stronger than that and that life is such a gift and that there is so much more to life than this part. thanks for sharing your post....wondered if i was the only one thats been so close to that before.

Answer:
Hi darkeyegirl,

you sound like me when I was first diagnosed, except I was 16, I'm a man and I've never considered suicide. But the emotional angst, the denial, the depression, everything. I've been through it all and out the other side. Anyway, that was over twenty years ago and now I'm married to a wonderful woman (who does not have herpes and hopefully never will) and a beautiful one year old daughter. I've had my share of ups and downs and I've learned to put it in perspective.

One thing that really helped me was joining the Herpes Viruses Association in the UK and going to social gatherings. I'll never forget the first party I went to, it was a room full of normal people eating normal snacks and drinking normal drinks. To look at them the word 'normal' applied really well. But the strange thing was, every now and again you heard the word 'herpes' being said. It was such a relief to be able to say the word out loud to a stranger.

That was the turning point for me, that was when I started to put it in perspective. If you have the opportunity to join a similar group then go for it but don't become dependent on it for social contacts. Such a group is a stepping stone and nothing more.

At the end of the day, the worst thing about herpes simplex for the vast majority of people is the stigma. It's one of the most common skin conditions in the world and I've heard that more people have it than don't (if you include facial cold sores) and you're right - it's not something to kill yourself over.

CJ

Answer:
i think in many cases suicide is considered much more when it comes to having genital herpes. Oral herpes tend to not hold the stigma that genital herpes does and a lot of the shame comes as a result of the stigma. I also think it is easier in many ways to have oral herpes than genital and im sure many would agree....especially those with the genital type. Not to discredit the obstacles and emotional and physical pain those with oral experience too in certain cases. I have just found in my personal experiences that people with oral herpes tend not to feel the same way people with genital herpes have....it is different in so many ways and that is why i feel it causes more people to want to literally die sometimes. i noticed you said you have hsv1 orally and i just feel that can affect your personal outlook on the subject... especially since you are at a place in your life where you have found happiness and are married with a child. Im glad you have had a positive outcome in your life this far. Good luck and best wishes to a continued happy life. :)

Answer:
Hi

Maybe you asked the question because you've been considering breaking up with your boyfriend and the thought of being single again terrifies you and as you've been suicidal in the past you're frightened of having suicidal thoughts again.

I'm sure having suicidal thoughts about herpes is fairly common and certainly from the responses you've had you're obvioulsy not alone - others have experienced exactly the same thoughts. For some people I'm sure it may cause depression and certainly adjustment disorder, or it may precipitate an episode of depression in those people who perhaps have a vulnerability to be low at times. There are very good psychological treatments available for those with these kinds of problems, so people need to access these services.

I don't think there's anything to suggest that you'll feel suicidal in the future. At 18 herpes was totally new to you, you're now 24, you now know life can be good despite herpes, and of cousre you're 6 years older which I guess has to make a difference.

But, I do think you're wise to think about whether you'll feel suicidal in the future. Because now you can prepare yourself if that was ever to happen. Give yourself some quiet time to write down all the things you love about life - all the reasons for living. What do you love to do? Who are the people you love? What are your goals in life? What are those things about yourself that you like? What's quirky about you, that makes you you . What do your friends like about you (all the quirky bits I would imagine!!)?

Write down the one person you will talk to if you have suicidal thoughts - maybe you're lucky and you have more than one person you could talk to.

Who would you go and see? Your own doctor? Write dwon their contact details.

Do a bit of homework, and find out what helpline numbers are in your area/country and write them down. I know what you're thinking - you'll never use them, and you're probably totally right, but you're not losing anything by writing them down.

You've had some great responses to your post, copy them and print them off, put it together with what you've written, put them in a safe place where you'll remember where you've put them, you'll probably never need to read them again. And then just forget about it - (but you'll have it if you ever need it, just in case).

You're young, you're attractive, you're looking after yourself - by coming on here and asking your question. And I have no doubt you'll be fine.

I wish you lots of luck and happiness.

Answer:
thank you so very much for your responses! I would NEVER actually go thru with killing myself.....I just get so down sometimes about this. It was mainly when I was first diagnosed. It's not really that bad to live with. What gets me down is the stigma. In the past six years, I've only had 4 outbreaks and I don't even use any kind of suppressive therapy. So it's like I don't even have it. I mean, I forget about it sometimes. For a while, it was something I thought about EVERY day. I sometimes feel that to other people who are ignorant about this, I don't HAVE a disease, I AM the disease. I wish people would be more accepting.