Question:
Ok, here's the deal..I met this girl and started dating. Everything was goin' fine! She found me attractive, I thought she was gorgeous! One night things started to get a little intimate..I performed oral sex on her. NO SOONER after that she sits me down with a "confession"..my heart started to race and sweat BUSTED from my pores! The first thing I thought was
"aw shit..AIDS!" When she replied with a "no" I sighed with relief...however, that was short lived. When she came back and told me Herpes, I coulda' choked her! At this point the main concern was; have I been infected and how soon will I know?" She showed no signs of infection (like that matters) but my real question is how high is the percentage on the individuals that contract Herpes when they're no signs?!

Answer:
Hey there,

I am sorry she wasn't a bit more honest with you. Unfortunately, even those with herpes get "caught in the moment" and don't do the right thing, which is TELL before doing anything "below the belt". While I think it was crappy she didn't tell you beforehand, I can imagine how hard it must have been for her to tell you when she did, then and there. There are many people who lie and live a charade for months even years. I don't know what your intention were/are with this woman, (ie. One night stand, something a little more long term.) But at least she got it out in the open.


Have you ever in your life had coldsores? If so, that would be herpes simplex 1. If you do have herpes simplex 1, chances are you might have some extra immunities to fight off herpes simplex 2. (is this for sure what she has also, one or two genitally?)

It is hard to say the likelihood of you contracting herpes orally from genital herpes. It is not impossible, but generally, herpes simplex 2 likes to live in our "nether regions" rather than around the mouth. If there was no visable sign of outbreak, that is good too, although, not 100 % foolproof. (while I think it is rare, you can catch herpes when there is no outbreak at all, due to "shedding"...when the virus is present.) Also, vaginas are a funny thing, and herpes sore can hide way up inside around the vaginal wall and on the cervix, without women being aware of it (hence the reason it is so much harder for us women to deal with.)

So It would be really hard to give you a definitive answer. I would say talk to her, ask her some question (what type of herpes she has, etc.) and then try to stay calm and just keep an eye on things. Let her know that while you understand her fears and how hard it is to "tell " someone, that you ARE pissed off at her for not telling before the sexual act and that it the reason for the rapid spread of this disease.....because NOBODY IS TELLING! Don't get angry with her, or go out of your way to make her feel bad. Just tell her exactly what is on your mind, your concerns and fears.

I wish you luck. I am sure you will be fine. I am with a herpes negative partner and he has STILL not contracted it from me. So......

Answer:
Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read and respond! You have definitely put to resat some of my fears. To be honest with you, I have dated two women with herpes 1 (if that's the right terminology) in the past. I knew what to watch out for and when to avoid kissing them. My only concern was that phrase from the Valtrex commercial "it's still possible to spread Herpes when there are no signs or symptoms"..WhAt tHe F$@&!?"! So by you sharing your knowledge and experience it really helped! Thanks!! I will more than likely keep you posted..it's been 2 days since the incident so I'm assuming I should be out of the woods after 14 days..at least that's what the information I found states. One more thing..does getting tested for Herpes involve blood work?..C'mon..you know how much of a coward we men are when it comes to needles :)

Answer:
hey there a little nervous,

you sound like you are in much better spirits today. That is good. And keep your sense of humor, I will tell you what, it is what keeps us all sane...herpes or no herpes!

I get so bummed out when I DO get an outbreak, Lets' face it, they suck an egg! BUT I will start to make jokes with my man about it, and we start to laugh and I have to tell you, it DOES help a bit. Nope, it doesn't make it go away, but better to be laughing then stressing out about something I can only control so much, ya know!!??

I am hoping all will be well. Like I said, open up some dialogue with her, get more information and hopefully all will be well.

If nothing else, this can be a learning experience for you AND perhaps it will also help in that once you educate yourself, you will be one of the growing numbers of sympathetic non herpes infected people that can go out and educate others, as well as defend those of us who do!! We NEED more non-herpes people to stand up for us....it will alleviate the stigma of herpes and educate those who don't have it how simple it is to contract it.

Good luck again, and stay strong.
Ouch

Answer:
Ok, here's the deal..I met this girl and started dating. Everything was goin' fine! She found me attractive, I thought she was gorgeous! One night things started to get a little intimate..I performed oral sex on her. NO SOONER after that she sits me down with a "confession"..my heart started to race and sweat BUSTED from my pores! The first thing I thought was
"aw shit..AIDS!" When she replied with a "no" I sighed with relief...however, that was short lived. When she came back and told me Herpes, I coulda' choked her! At this point the main concern was; have I been infected and how soon will I know?" She showed no signs of infection (like that matters) but my real question is how high is the percentage on the individuals that contract Herpes when they're no signs?! Hey, if you like her so much, you should think about giving it a chance. It WAS wrong of her not to tell you sooner, but find out what type she has. If she has HSV2, it doesn't "like" to infect the oral region as much, so your chances are lower. Also, if she didn't have an active outbreak (does she know when she has them? Or is she one of those asymptomatic ones - see, this is one reason to keep in touch with her) your chances are further reduced. Plus, she could be on antiviral drugs, since she knows she has herpes.

Bottom line, don't stress so much, talk with her about what's going on, and if you're really worried, get a blood test in 4 weeks (although it's most accurate at 12 weeks).

Answer:
Ok here's the deal and the update in the ongoing episode of "All my herpes"...she contracted HSV-1 from some joker who had a "cole sore" via oral sex. Now, as I stated before I delat with girlfriends with the oral herpes but never one with genital...for the most part I would pay close attention to their mouth area to make sure I was aware of any possible outbreak and I was fine. Would it be the same theory with Genital...and although this may be a stupid question but...once herpes hits the genital area is it still considered HSV-1? Oh, and as you can see I'm trying to give this a chance and see where this goes...at least for now. Thanks again (both of you!) You have really made this a WHOLE lot easier for me :D

Answer:
hsv1 is just that. Hsv1. Generally, it is considered oral herpes or "cold sores" because the virus tends to favor the location of the mouth/face, rather than the genitals. However, there are many people who have hsv1 genitally (as well as some who have hsv2 or genital herpes, orally.) They are two of the same virus...just slightly different strands.

I am glad you are not letting this run you off from the gal. People mess up, people get scared. She just needs to know that it ain't cool to do so, but better to learn NOW then a year from now, or 6 months from now, ya know???

You can read from my other posts, earlier posts...I screwed up. I didn't tell my man right away. Got caught up in the 'heat of the moment" b.s. We used protection, but so what? I took a few days off/away from him, talked to my best friend, then told him. I was in MAJOR denial, because I NEVER ever EVER had an outbreak. (and I really never did have bad outbreaks until I was 6 months pregnant! my herpes outbreaks seem to be hormone related) But I told him after our first sexual encounter and he was totally cool about it. I even told him my doubts and what not, and he said no matter, most people in the world have it, I still like you alot..etc etc. God, what a RELIEF it was to know that it was not a big deal to him, and to have someone who was so loving and supportive and who I can TALK to when I do have an outbreak.

And...he still doesn't have it. So......ya never know. Chances are that he will contract it eventually, but we do all we can to ensure he doesn't.

Moral of the story: good people goof up, make mistakes. It is up to US to not make the same mistake twice. Should he and I ever break up (god forbid) I will NEVER hide my status to someone (plus, now I know for SURE I have it. No doubt/denial/quiestion about it.). It is important for us to be honest to help in preventing the spread of hsv.

Good luck to you and I hope things DO work out for the best!

Answer:
...however, that was short lived. When she came back and told me Herpes, I coulda' choked her! WHAT???

I say you are as wrong as two left shoes. I'm sorry. The bottom line is why are you going around voluntarily meshing mucus membranes in 2007 with people you hardly know? Was a dental dam used, for example? Were you even trying to be safe, or take out some risk? Women are not responsible for saving you from yourself and your promiscuity. They are responsible for communicating to their sex partners BEFORE sex, but what if she had not even known she had herpes? Then what? Your exposure would have been the same. Goodness knows, I am FOR disclosures. But the fact that you even first thought AIDS says you knew you were engaging in risky behavior to start with. You knew what the fine print in the herpes commercials says. You knew entirely too much (unlike some others unfortunately) to be wanting to choke anybody but YOU. I always hear in these forums how males want to "choke" and "kill" and otherwise obliterate some female for giving them HSV. But so much of the time, it appears to be in a casual context where they want the full pleasure of "raw" sex but none of the responsbility--like a woman's body is their personal amusement park where every ride better be safe while you wear no seatbelt.

I don't hear you regretting anything YOU did or your own bad judgment. It's all about her. The women who intentionally infect people--yes, those are off-the-charts wrong. But what do you expect in life from willy nilly cunnilingus? Lady luck to just take care of you? This was definitely bad judgment. And I don't hear you assuming ANY responsibility for it. You are both VERY wrong. And actually, she could have really been evil and just thought, 'hey, the damage is done now--no use telling him and putting my business in the street.'

Answer:
...okay, we got a little bit for everybody. Thanks for your feedback and opinion Tohealth, it's greatly appreciated. As for everyone else..keep the information and life experiences coming! It really helped me see things in a different way regarding this virus.:)