Question:
I just found out that I have genital herpes. I am freaking out and at times able to calm myself. But for the most part I am really upset, angry and in pain b/c this is my first outbreak.

Here's the deal. I'm in a relationship w/ a wonderful man. We've been together for 4 months. Last week was a little difficult, I was pmsing and a lot of stuff came up for us. We had sex at one point and immediately afterwards my yoni was swollen, and it hurt to pee. I developed bumps that nite and went in to a free clinic where I was told what it was 2 days later. So I've known since Wednesday.

I was shocked. I mean from what i was told, I pretty much got this from my current boyfriend b/c I haven't had any contact w/ any other person for 4 months. I told him immediately. I was upset. He swears up and down that he's been tested b/c he had surgery recently (which if you can only have a blood test FOR HERPES or test when you're having an outbreak this is bullshit right?)

He is adiment that it was from me. I want to get past the blame and just deal w/ it. And now he's saying that he's re-evaluating our relationship. While I'm in bed, being depressed about a life long virus that I have and possible gave to him (b/c god forbid he take any responisiblity for having it), he's "getting his shit together". I get that. I was trying to do that too, and here I am. I am so worried that he'll break up w/ me. That I put all this love and energy into him when we first met and he was having surgery. And that I'm going to get dumped b/c I have something i was totally unaware of? He says he doesn't want this to be the reason we stay together but also not the reason why we break up.

I know I should be taking care of myself. I've been talking to my best friends, but the only contact i've had is w/ him. And he keeps leaving to go do things.
As a woman, I am so hurt that this man I love can't give me what I feel I need. That i am made to feel like I am asking for too much. That my needs come after his. That I feel so lost and out of control and he is refusing to be a light for me.

Any kind words would be helpful. I mean I am well aware that I will survive this. And that this initial outbreak is the worst. I know I will take care of myself, I always do. I am just so hurt and feel like he can't see me, the person he fell in love with.

I hope everyone is doing better than I am today!
peace.
a

Answer:
I am so sorry, your post made me feel sad,I know all we ask for is a little caring and understanding.Has your partner been tested? i developed problems down below the next day ,but if i was totally honest i never felt right straight away after sex,just thought i was sore.
Men do think differently to us and what they cant deal with some of them go into denial,or bury thier head in the sand.
Try to sit him down and talk honestly, if that doesnt work you have to look elsewhere for support, have you a close friend you can talk to? you know you have this site which is brill!!
Its not that he doesnt want to help its just that men dont know how to,
I am married with 3 sons(totally surrounded my men!) and although i have tried and tried to teach them about feminine feelings, they look at me as though i have come from space!!! I am not saying every man, as my husband is brill, but its just so hard for them to understand. I always say men think and women feel, and thats how it is, but i am not saying every man, so give him a chance, and u have us!!!
Keep in touch

Answer:
hey there, i am sorry you are going through this right now. If he is serious and willing to then have him go and get a herpes type specific blood test and let you see the results...then if he is so sure he didnt give it to you then he will know the truth. If he does in fact have it, and has had it for a while then his antibody level will be different than if he just aquired this recently. Also, if you ask your doctor what the antibody level in your blood was and whether or not it was indicative of a "recent" exposure, which would be sometime in the past 5 months or newer. Its not a guarantee but might help to provide a little insight. I would also recommend contacting the last people you had sex with and have them get tested because they could have it and not be aware (or unfortunately they might have gotten it from you) herpes is such a tough thing because it is not so easy to find out who gave it to who as it can lie dormant in peoples body without any symptoms for days, weeks, months....even years sometimes. So it is very possible that you got this from a previous partner before the current guy....and even though this is your first visible outbreak it is still possible you contracted the actual virus before this guy. Either way if he is worth it, or for that matter, can even be an adult about it, then he will get herpes specific blood tested immediately and let you see the results. Not much to figure out if he has it too...because then it could have been either of you unknowingly(with the exception of the level of antibodies you both have which may help narrow down the time frame) but no real proof....unless he is negative....or is negative and then positive during a repeat test, which then it would be clear you gave it to him. I know its hard right now but look at it this way, you have it now, and he may too, and either way, if he is not handling this with any sort of compassion or being the least bit supportive then he wasnt worth it to begin with. Better to find out through an experience like this than later down the line with other things. If he is any kind of decent guy, he will get tested, show you the results, and at least discuss it in length before "taking sometime for himself" ya know? you are probably a wonderful woman and deserve a wonderful guy, herpes or no herpes, so wait to see what happens and if he bails, or is an ass be glad you know now and not later. Hope your days get a little easier soon.