Question:
Dear friends,

I'm currently a medical school student that contracted HSV one year ago from the third person I slept with. I have been tested, and I have HSV 1 genital herpes. I don't have classical outbreakes; however, I have a "never-ending" rash. This rash only goes away with valtrex 1000 mg/day. I really don't care about the rash though, like most of you, it's the mental aspect that hounds me.
I have been thinking about this issue very much and I would like to start a discussion about the stigma of herpes.
From a medical point of view, herpes, is a joke. It used to be a problem in pregnancy; however, with new medication and technology, that threat has declined significantly. Now let's think about it. People commonly have cold sores on their mouth. Although it's awkward looking, it's socialy accepted. BUT if the same outbreak occurs a couple of feet lower, then it's the end of the world!!!
It seems that we are creating the hell we live in. By "we" I mean society as a whole.
For instance, take CMV, a virus also in the herpes family. 50% of people are sertype + for this virus. CMV is the LEADING cause of viral infections passed onto babies at the time of delivery. Yet, very little people outside the medical field know about it. Many people have it, but they certainly don't suffer as much mentaly as Genital HSV people.
So many times, the word herpes is used to indicate anything "dirty."
But I ask you friends, do you really think you're dirty because your outbreaks occur on your groin rather than your mouth.
It's all in our heads.......
We create and sustain this hell...

So where do we go from here?
I know people who have let this virus mess up their lives. For instance, I know a 32 year old woman who has not dated a single man for 3 years because she's afraid of rejection. She's wasting her prime.
Is it worth ruining your own life over a stigma?
This virus is nothing, but yet, countless people are going on antidepressants because of it.

I for one have not had much luck telling partners.
I'm 23 years old, I don't want/can't get married right now.
Many people my age aren't looking to get married...
So where does this leave me?
Alone during the prime of my years...
Watching my peers have relationships while I stay home and play Xbox?
But to this day, I have always told.....
Many people say it feels great to get it off their chest...
Me on the other hand regret telling sometimes.
What makes it worst is that many people lack the courage to tell you that they don't want you because of HSV.
They do other things to end it...
It's one of the worst pains I have felt.

I feel like the best years of my life are going to waste because of a false mental perception implanted in our heads.

My argument regarding the virus not being so bad is not a rationalization. It's the truth.

If someone else gets it, is it that bad?
I guess it's as bad as that person makes it for themselves.

I would like to hear what others think.
What do you think in regards to telling others? For instance, do you ever go back and fourth in your mind?
Would you tell someone if you had oral HSV?

How do you feel this has impact your lives?
Anything you want to talk about.

Thank you
B

Answer:
yeah Im 23 and I got it from the third person I slept with/messed around with. Such amazing luck I have. Anyway, you're very right about the medical community and herpes. I have a friend whos a med student and I told her and shes like "big deal, it doesnt have to change anything unless you let it". For many people, including myself initially....the concept of herpes is an end-all in your sex life when you first think you may have it or experience a breakout....and whats even funnier is if you said to someone "I got oral sex from a girl with coldsores and I get them sometimes on my penis now", itd be more accepted than just out and out saying "I have herpes".

Also, whats strange is how so many people carry the virus, shed it, but never have outbreaks and have no idea they even have it....and those who do experience symptoms usually have fairly mild ones. Yet you are led to believe by various sources that if you contract it, you will be covered in painful sores. I dunno, I think the majority of the virus is stigma and acceptance. Originally for about a week afterwards I wouldnt even shake hands with people because I was paranoid they would contract it. I freaked out because a friend took a small sip of something I was drinking from the opposite side of the glass I was drinking from. The chances theyd contract it from that are pretty slim but I had convinced myself I was this walking infection.

Aside from the social stigma, I can understand where people come from when they lose interest in a relationship after finding out about HSV....especially with casual relationships. Unless I felt extremely strongly about a girl and she said she had HSV, I think Id opt not to get involved.

Answer:
Hi B:

You're not alone...I have HSV orally, and I really don't care about the way it looks to others...Even the way it feels it secondary to the fact that every time I see or feel a blister I am reminded of how I got it (I was orally raped by my ex-uncle.) It's mental torture and I'm kind of stuck in that rut, an OB goes away and I crawl a little farthur out of the hole; then a blister forms and I'm yanked further down than I was before I crept my way out. How maddening.

Take care,
Best wishes,
Chris(tina.)

Answer:
I always try to see another person's point of view by putting myself in their shoes.

Yes, it's easy for us to say..."What's the big deal?" But to me, no matter how you put it, it IS a big deal.

Fact is, if I could turn back time, and take back the mistake that caused me to have GH, I would. I don't want this disease. I don't like it at all. And me being a caring person, I don't want to give it to anyone else either.

We are all human. And you can't expect someone (who isn't in love with you) to just accept what you have. Because there IS a chance they WILL get it as well, even with protection.

I'm in a serious relationship. I'm engaged to be married. And this has affected both my fiance AND I. I think more me than him.

I HATE the fact I have to use protection with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I hate the fact I feel sick constantly, that I have to be on medication (which costs a lot of money), that I have to be careful about things I never had to (or so I thought) worry about in the past.

We take things for granted. There is not enough education about this. Everyone wants to keep quiet about things rather than talk about them. And for what? Silence NEVER accomplishes anything. Maybe if more people would talk about it better prevention would be out there.

If I wasn't in a relationship and I was out there dating, yes I would absolutely tell the person I was seeing. Who am I to make the decision for them? It may make things harder, but honestly, if the relationship is meant to be...it will be. Regardless of what you do or do not have.

Like I've said before, I don't care what anyone tells me...life was much easier before GH. I realize it's not serious. But it's been a MAJOR pain in the ass for me. It's more of an inconvenience than anything. Thank god I have money because it's also expensive. And thank god for my loving fiance. I just hope we continue to make it through this amongst life's other obstacles that come our way.

Answer:
It's this hyper-negative attitiude that makes this virus so bad. People feed and feed it, it gets stronger, your life becomes hell.
There's a fifty percent chance you have CMV. You probably don't know you have it and you probably don't give a damn. From a child bearing perspective, CMV is worst than HSV I and II. But there's no negative hyp, people don't care. There's no CMV support group, at least for immunocompetent people (non-HIV).

Answer:
hey raingecko,
i think you make some really good points. i got herpes about 2 months ago and i think about it alot. i don't know if it was my first outbreak or not, although they say your first is the most painful and this was the first time i had seen sores and my legs ached so much i couldn't sit down, i was experiencing other symptoms like shooting pains, swollen glands and cuts. i had these symtoms when i was with my first sexual boyfriend (who i lost my virginity to) he gave alot of oral sex and had cold sores as a kid and i have a vague memory of him having one when we were intimate. however, the point is we broke up and i slept with other guys. then found out i had herpes. so did i get this from sleeping with two guys that had only had sex once before and claim not to had cold sores mouth or genitals? WHAT bothers me is that i went to a few sexual education classes in primary school and high school and i don't remember getting told that if you have only ONE sexual partner, you can still catch an std like herpes and that herpes is also cold sores and if you have a cold sore you can pass it on. such as a story i read in this forum where a virgin caught it, and the guilt this girl had was enormous!!! it is definately a MENTAL THING i have regrets that i slept with these other guys because know i'll never know if it was my boyfriend or my fault for "sleeping around" and i'm afraid that i will not be able to make or maintain friends because they will think i was slut and should have expected this to happen. but as far as your message goes, i do have some advice for you, never be afraid to tell someone who you are going to be intimate with that you have herpes because if they use another excuse not to be with you, then they do not think you're worth the risk and when someone thinks that you ARE worth the risk, you'll know they really care about you and that has to be a good thing. i think you can still have boyfriends and not get married until you want to, anyway gotta go, byeb

Answer:
hey raingecko,
i think you make some really good points. i got herpes about 2 months ago and i think about it alot. i don't know if it was my first outbreak or not, although they say your first is the most painful and this was the first time i had seen sores and my legs ached so much i couldn't sit down, i was experiencing other symptoms like shooting pains, swollen glands and cuts. i had these symtoms when i was with my first sexual boyfriend (who i lost my virginity to) he gave alot of oral sex and had cold sores as a kid and i have a vague memory of him having one when we were intimate. however, the point is we broke up and i slept with other guys. then found out i had herpes. so did i get this from sleeping with two guys that had only had sex once before and claim not to had cold sores mouth or genitals? WHAT bothers me is that i went to a few sexual education classes in primary school and high school and i don't remember getting told that if you have only ONE sexual partner, you can still catch an std like herpes and that herpes is also cold sores and if you have a cold sore you can pass it on. such as a story i read in this forum where a virgin caught it, and the guilt this girl had was enormous!!! it is definately a MENTAL THING i have regrets that i slept with these other guys because know i'll never know if it was my boyfriend or my fault for "sleeping around" and i'm afraid that i will not be able to make or maintain friends because they will think i was slut and should have expected this to happen. but as far as your message goes, i do have some advice for you, never be afraid to tell someone who you are going to be intimate with that you have herpes because if they use another excuse not to be with you, then they do not think you're worth the risk and when someone thinks that you ARE worth the risk, you'll know they really care about you and that has to be a good thing. i think you can still have boyfriends and not get married until you want to, anyway gotta go, byeb