Question:
Hello everyone. I am new to the forum.

I just learned last night that his guy I like, has herpes. He was open and honest about it. I respect him for it. I was moved by his bravery and vulnerability. I respect him for allowing me to make a choice to stay or walk away.

At this point, I want to stay. I don't know if I am making a good decision because I haven't known him for very long, but he is known among my friends as a nice/wonderful guy, and I think his reputation precedes him.

We are very compatible in alot of ways. I think it would be a loss for me if I walked away from the relationship. I am trying to read as much as I can about the transmission of HSV, so I know what it is I am getting myself into.

I'm trying to take my time with this decision, but at the same time, I feel very alone and sad about the news. Any encouragement from you guys would help.

Thank you for listening.

biglove.

Answer:
I would not take this virus lightly.

There is no cure and usually the symptoms and ob's are more frequent and painful for women. Further condoms are not 100% effective against transmitting or contracting hsv. Transmission rates from men to women is higher than from women to men.

There are couples who deal with this for years and one partner has it and the other doesn't get it. But there is no way of knowing for sure when the virus is active and when you are contagious.

There are ways for him to reduce the chances of transmitting it to you but nothing is guaranteed. Usually it is recommended to combine the use of daily antiviral suppression with condoms and healthy lifestyle choices that include a healthy diet, excercise and vitamin supplements that help keep the virus from thriving and replicating. You should also pay attention to your own immune system and keep it healthy and strong.

If I was to give one piece of advice to someone considering this it would be that everyday we take risks that don't even cross our minds. There is no going back once you get hsv and relationships don't come with an erase clause. It is possible to live and love with this virus but it is hard to find people who are willing to give you a chance once you have it and if you are considering a long term relationship and possibly having children you should think about this. Pregnancy and childbirth are complicated by hsv infections and sometimes require the mother to have a c-section to protect the baby from contracting the virus.

I hate to sound so negative because I applaud this guy for being honest. It takes a lot of strength to do that. And remember you can think on this for as long as it takes for you to make a decision and it doesn't have to be right away. Be respectful, do your research and ask questions.

Good luck.

Answer:
I agree totally with everything Caliope said. This is something that is lifelong, there is no cure in sight and the vaccine being tested is just that, in the final phases of testing.

While those of us can and do live normal lives with the virus, it is definitly a huge hill we have to cross over from time to time. It is not just the physical discomfort (which can be bad enough) but there is also great psychological discomfort as well.

BUT....at the same time, so many people have hsv2, at least this bloke WAS an honest person. Many people will lie and be deceitful (which I guestimate is why 80% of us or more here on this message board alone have contracted it.) Knowledge really is power, and should you decide to go further with this relationship, you can both learn ways to prevent transmission. Nothing is foolproof, but let me tell you, I have been with my non Hsv infected partner for over 3 1/2 years and he STILL DOES NOT HAVE HSV2.

What I would suggest is this: date this man, keep things more on a friendship/companionship level. Don't be in a hurry to tear off the knickers and jump into the sack. Find out if this is truly someone you are interested in. You may find out he has a few quirks you can't live with (despite the herpes...don't even let THAT play into the equation yet, since you won't be sleeping with him). But if he turns out to be a truly good guy, has alot going for him, is kind and fun....well, then you both need to sit down and discuss things and then take it to the next level. hell, both of you can go and talk to a doctor or someone at your local planned parenthood about the pros and cons and things to do. There is also a ton of info right on this message board here.

Whatever you decide, at least be grateful that he was honest and brave enough to disclose his status to you. Don't ever take that info and misuse it, (like tell a bunch of people...that isn't fair.) If you do decide not to date him, it is ok to let him know your fears, you are entitled to be afraid of this virus. Some people will try to make you out to be mean and cruel for not wanting to date someone who has HSV, and I call bullshit on that. There is nothnig wrong with wanting to protect yourself/your body. Again, every situation is different, it is up to you and whether or not you feel this guy is worth the risk.

Answer:
I agree with what's been said above. Another thing to think about is that before you two start having sexual relations, have him go on suppressive Valtrex therapy.. It cuts the chance of you getting it, and even if you get it, there's a high chance that you'll have fewer outbreaks. But it is something that you'll have to think about hard.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/medi...hp?newsid=5131

Answer:
Hopingseeking - okay so antiviral suppressive therapy such as Valtrex and Zovirax (Acyclovir) can reduce the chance of spreading hsv to a partner and it can reduce ob's for the person infected but I've never read that if one partner is on Valtrex and infects the other partner that the previously uninfected partner will have fewer ob's.

Did you mean it that way?

Answer:
Thank you Caliope, Ouch, and Hopingseeking for your advice and support.

I sometimes think I am crazy for doing this and I feel nervous about my decision to stay with him. I am not going to have sexual intercourse with him until either we marry or are very close to it. I still need time to get to know him better and if other things fall into place, I will know that I made the right decision to stay with him.

He told me today that if it wasn't for catching the virus, he wouldn't be the person he is today. I believe it when he tells me this. And he proved it by telling me, very early on in the courting stage of our relationship, the truth. I am also very surprised that I am willing to stick it out. I think it means that we both recognize our level of trust and comfort with eachother, and I know something this open and honest doesn't come around very often.

I asked him many questions that helped to ease my fears, but nonetheless, I am still afraid of contracting it.

I hope to stay on this forum and continue to receive support and advice from you and others.

Have a nice evening.

Answer:
my GF has stayed with me after i told her about my condition.

ive only been taking lysine, and being vigiliant about my OBS.

i love her so much, and i know she must love me to be with me.

TBH - it hasnt been a factor in our relasonship.

if i have a OB. i tell her im on my man peroid for a few weeks.

please dont write this guy off for having HSV.

however, make sure it him you want, as like thew others said, HSV is for LIFE.

Answer:
Thank you gutted, I appreciate your support. I have decided to stay with him, and more and more, its becoming easier to accept. I have also accepted that I may contract the virus if I sleep with him. I guess through this experience, I am learning that there are more important things to focus on in a relationship. And to learn to appreciate the little things in the relationship that we sometimes ignore. I think with this guy that I'm seeing, he's teaching me how to be close emotionally and how to open up, more so than any guy I've been with. And I certainly do feel very close to him because we talk about everything.

Thank you. How long have you been with your girlfriend?

Answer:
I'll probably get flamed for this, but........... RUN!!!!!! This is coming from a guy who has it. My outbreaks are very mild. In hindsite, if the girl that gave it to me told me she had it, I would have RUN.... FAST. If you do decide to stay, you may check out a promising supplement called BHT. This MAY help you by not letting the virus ever take hold because it can't 'latch on' to you. I really don't think the guy will fault you if you leave, how could he!