Question:
I feel so hopeless when it comes to finding a man that will want to get to know me more than a friend, after I tell them about me having herpes.
It was hard enough before just to meet someone, now how can I even get anyone to like me more than a friend?

I have recently met someone online that is moving to the area of the city I live in. We had been talking on messenger for a few days, and started talking about meeting whenever he moves.

So I had to tell him about me having genital herpes. I didn't want him to feel like I tried to deceive him by waiting longer to tell him. When I told him he said that would have to think about it, but we could be friends. *sigh*

Will I always only be a friend now? :( It is nice to have friends, but I am looking for more, and me having genital herpes makes my chances very slim.

How have others told new people they meet?
What kinds of reactions do you get?
How can you talk to someone that is new in your life, about having genital herpes without freaking them out?

Thank you ahead of time for your comments and support.

Answer:
i think you should have waited to tell him. you dont know where it would have went if he moved here, and you would have met.
if i were you- i would have done it on the 2-3rd date/meeting when he has had a chance to see you for you. by telling him so early before he even moved here, has just set you back a few steps.
its not like you to are meeting to have sex, he hasnt even moved yet.

it not deceiving to wait longer to tell, its deceiving to not tell. sometimes you just have to wait longer to see if they are intrested in you- telling someone you have herpes is not a first convo thing.

how did you bring up the subject? i find its easier to tell someone about it, if you are already talking about medical things.

Answer:
I say to wait until there is sufficient time to get to know the person enough to know if you only want to be friends or perhaps more. If you realize you only want to be friends why tell them? Usually we don't know this the instant we set eyes on someone.

And when that person is selected and you want to go that one step further. Put your head up, don't act all embarrased and ashamed, don't hang your head and make a big huge production of it. Hopefully you discuss std's etc. with people before you consider sleeping with them anyhow and that would be a good opportunity to throw it out there. Or in a conversation where you can bring up "cold sores" and ask if they've ever had one? Did they know its herpes? Did they know that you can spread the common coldsore through oral sex? . . .

Not everyone, I've learned, is looking for someone special. Some people are looking for the casual hook up and that is all they want. It's good to know and let others know that you are aware that condoms don't protect against all std's and some are pretty easy to get when you think you're having safe sex, a good example is hsv and it's pretty common and most people who have it don't even know. It could be them.

Answer:
Hi there Angel Honey,

I'm sure you had anxiety about the timing of disclosure with this guy. So, maybe you jumped the gun. Nothing lost, You hadn't even met yet. I'm sure with the next person you are interested in you will feel more comfortable with your situation and know when the time is right to share this information with them.

Learning you have hsv can be emotionally devastating, to say the least. I think it's a perfect time for self-discovery. Learn to take really good care of yourself, both physically, and emotionally. Do things that make you happy and build self esteem. Maybe try something you've always wanted to do, but hadn't yet. When the right guy comes around you will feel more secure with yourself and that confidence will shine through making the whole disclosure easier.

Answer:
Thank you WaxedWrong, and Caliope for your advice.

Should I just not bring it up again, and keep talking and hang out with him etc, when he gets here and see if the herpes becomes not so important.

Answer:
id wait until you know it worth telling the other person - as soon as i found out i had HSV i knew thier was no more "jumping into bed".... and TBH i aint gonna jump the gun to disclose to them my status - i wait until i know its going to go further, and i trust that person enought to know they aint gonna tell anyone, even if they then dont want to take things further.

Answer:
Thank you Shayna and gutted.

I really appreciate your comments and advice.

It sure helps to know that others have gone through this same thing.
I know in my mind that I'm not the only one, but talking to others helps a lot more.

Huggles

Answer:
So I had to tell him about me having genital herpes. I didn't want him to feel like I tried to deceive him by waiting longer to tell him. When I told him..........
Congratulations. You are not selfish, you care about others, you sacrifice your deepest secrets to protect someone you hardly know. You offer yourself up to someone at the risk of giving them ammunition to use against you. You might see rejection in the short term but people like you are the ones who see long term happiness. You will find someone who has priorities that last. Sex is transient. Sex is a primitive urge. Sex can not fulfill long term happiness. Do some reading of these forums and you will see the horrors of humanity - the people who look for a way to not reveal their HSV status and thus don't care if they infect others. You will also see the best of humanity, such as in yourself, where there is so much more to life than primitive drives and selfish desires. You are a giving person while some here are all about manipulating and taking whatever they can get. Herpes will force a meaningful relationship in your case, when the right guy comes along and is lucky to have you.

Answer:
Hi, let me introduce myself. My name is Latoria. I have had HSV-2 for 2 1/2 years. I haven't been on the site for over 2 years either. But I read your post.
Please don't get discouraged about a relationship or friendship. Because first you have to constantly educate yourself on this stigmatized disease. Really do understand what you are feeling. For the first year or maybe even longer, I suggest you focus on yourself and continue to be considerate of others and their feelings.
Let me tell you. I am friends with this guy I met. Only friends. We always talk and he let me know that he cared alot about me. When I say friends, I mean we've never even kissed. So, I let him know that I was flattered that he was so attracted to me, but I just couldn't be with him. Of course he would always ask why.(We'd been friends for almost a year). Well finally he asked again and I asked "If I told you why, would you feel any different about me, regardless of what the reason?" He responded by saying "Latoria, I really admire you everything about you and my feelings wouldn't change mnor would our relationship." So after building up confidence I told him. He asked a couple of questions, very selective with his words, and til this day, he still has the same love for me. He told me so and I know he meant every word. My friend has a mild skin disease that comes rarely but still exists and he actually hates it.
You have to be selective in who you provide personal issues about yourself to. Like I said I waited a whole 1 1/2 before I told him why. Right now we still remain friends and its beginning to feel like a foundation for a solid loving relationship. :)) Its a huge amount of love we have for eachother I tell ya that much.
Feel free to contact anytime girl.
Chao