Question:
I was abused and neglected as a child and in turn sought out the attention of an older boy. I was 14 and he was 19. I gave him my virginity in what I thought was an act of love and he gave me Herpes. Again, I was 14!! The doctor that diagnosed me didn't really give me a lot of information. She just told me it was for life and looked like SHE wanted to cry. Did I mention I was 14? :x I'm not even sure I knew what Herpes was.

I am now 31 years old. I was in a long term relationship from 17- 23 and as far as I know I never gave it to my ex. My OBs were so few and far between and we were very good about using protection. I was celibate for a few years after that but recently had another relationship and that guy also didn't give a rip that I had Herpes. He was really sweet but we didn't work out for other reasons.

I think the fact that I was diagnosed so young was really hard. I was just a kid. I didn't understand what happened to me. Back then they still told people that you wouldn't spread it to others if you weren't having an OB. I'm very lucky because it hardly affects me. And when it does it is so minor. What has affected me is the emotional aspect. I think that's what gets most people. I am a good person. I'm educated and I'm very attractive. I've done some really interesting things with my life. I'm compassionate and kind. But part of me feels like I'm some kind of pariah. Damaged goods. On my good days I don't feel this way...but some days I do.

But the other part knows I have a lot to offer someone. Maybe I can't be as free sexually as other people but I'm not sure that's a bad thing. I'm more careful about who I'm intimate with because I'm cautious about who I'm willing to tell. If I feel I couldn't trust you with this information, I'm not going to trust you with my body. I have never been rejected for having Herpes but I have rejected guys I was really attracted to because I felt in my gut they would judge me. Who needs that crap?

It's a tough thing to live with but I think if it wasn't so stigmatized and all the people with Herpes came out of the woodwork, we'd be shocked to see that all kinds of people are affected with this condition. Anyway, just venting. I know you all understand.

Answer:
It's good to get some perspective from people who have lived with this virus for a while, and have managed it well.
A good friend of mine has had it most of her life too. I learn quite a bit from her about managing it long term.
If you look at who's online here at any given time you'll see many "Guests" looking at this forum. It's kind of amazing to see so much activity from people not yet signed up.
Maybe the stigma will change down the road as more people come out of the closet.

Answer:
Thanks for that post. I am recently diagnosed, and lately I've certainly been feeling like I'm going to die alone, rah rah rah, and it's so helpful to hear that there is some light at the end of this tunnel.

The more I think about it, the more I agree with what you said in your post...having this will almost FORCE me to respect my body and who I share it with more carefully (not that I was out of control before). And I don't see that as a bad thing.