Question:
Hi all. Let me start by saying this is my first time ever admitting to anyone, anywhere, that I have this "H" condition. I'm petrified of telling anyone, because I think they'll be afraid of contracting it, then I'll truly be alone. And speaking of being alone...I haven't been in a serious relationship in over 4 years, since I first discovered I had it. It's been making me extremely depressed because I've been unable to talk about it to anyone. And I feel like I can't be in any serious relationship without telling my partner, but I feel that once I tell her (whomever that may be), she will immediately be repelled by it.

All of this has ultimately led me here. I feel like the only shot I'll have at a true, honest relationship is with one who also has my condition. But that narrows the field quite greatly, doesn't it. I've read a couple of the topics here, and I also have the same sentiments about meeting someone and being with someone just because they have "H." I want to be with that person because of who she is, not for what she has...but I fear that such a search/journey could turn out to be futile...

I've been thinking of going to one of those Herpes dating websites. Has anyone here tried it? I'm skeptical.

Answer:
Yes I have - and you are like the 5th person in the last two weeks to ask that.

antopia.com is one - I've met alot of ppl there.

And you are not alone, not by a longshot - you should have told someone 4 years ago - who knows where you would be by now.

Get out there - tell whomever - just talk to someone - you'll be surprised who has it - seriously.

good luck.
LM

Answer:
they'll only be repelled by it if you are. If you make it out to be something thats completely ruined your life they'll definetly run for the door. Once you come to terms with it it wont control who you are.

What amazes me is the number of people who are on this forum upset about cold sores. I can understand not wanting to transmit HSV thru oral sex or something but like....the vast majority of people have coldsores, I dont know of anyone who has been rejected because of it. In fact, the only people Ive heard of who have been rejected due to herpes are people on this forum and its entirely possible its because timing was bad and they hadnt come to terms with it. The more I talk about it and find out things about it, the more people I know who know someone who has it and 9 times out of 10 that person is still dating and still having sex. I recently told a "friend with benefits" I might have it and she still seems cool with the idea of messing around and such but I said I want to wait to get tested and make sure everythings cool until then.

Answer:
It's not just cold sores...although I've had those since I was a kid. I have genital herpes.

I dunno...maybe I'm just being too cynical thinking they'll run if I tell them. But I know I need to just get over it if I want to move on with my life.

I know this isn't a serious condition; there are far worse STDs out there. I just can't see how a clean woman would want to accept it when there's so many other guys out there without it. Am I being too cynical?

Answer:
You gotta accept it though. Dating people (H+ or H-) is gonna be hard if you cant get past the fact you have herpes. If you stick with the attitude that you're a walking disease, then yeah, you'll be lonely and upset.

Answer:
If you stick with the attitude that you're a walking disease, then yeah, you'll be lonely and upset. I've never actually thought of myself like that...but I guess I really am at a subconscious level or something.

I think I know what my whole problem is. I feel like I have to tell a woman at the very beginning of a relationship in order to keep it honest, because if I wait, then someone might get heartbroken and it might ruin the relationship.

I guess there's two ways to go about it. I can either wait and tell her, so she can get to know me as a person (but I've always been honest, so I wouldn't feel very comfortable with that). Or I can tell her right off the bat, before she gets to know me, and she'll probably run.

I'm not sure how to go about it. Maybe I should just try the herpes dating services...

Answer:
I guess I must be the only one here with this mode of thinking.

Answer:
I need therapy. :cry:

Answer:
I guess I must be the only one here with this mode of thinking. no you arent. Its completely normal to be upset about it. Its just taking longer because up until now, you havent been honest with yourself or others about having it. therapy probably isnt necessary, but there may be some support groups in your area...go check one of those out. :)