Question:
Hi,

I'm a newbie to msg boards and here's my story.

I was 23. My first boyfriend was HSV+, a doctor, and he also didn't tell me. I was young, never asked about DISEASE or getting tested, and infatuated. He gave H1 to me (oral to genital). We broke up after a year or so when it became clear that we did not know what love was, who we were, and what we wanted from each other, among other things. When confronted, he said, well, everyone has it - no regrets.

I've lived with GHSV1 for 10+ years now. There was initial ignorance, but also loathing, denial, and sometimes I just forgot I had it. I've never dated far and wide, but tried to be more careful, in part bec/ of acquisition of additional STDs but also it wasn't my lifestyle. I've never though really dealt with it until recently. Why not? More denial, self esteem, disbelief that my life was important.

Anyway, I just woke up! And guess what? Life is good, great in fact. There's so much to do and see, hobbies to take up, things to learn. And time is short. I've decided to live with GHSV1, and with the thing called rejection, bec/ it will happen. I have also decided that life may be lived without a significant partner, though it is one of the great joys in life. But that does not mean I won't try.

I just met someone I care about (understatement). He is really incredible on many levels I can't believe he was single. We've just broached the topic and I can give him all the information, space, support, whatever he needs or wants, but may just lose him too. He's depressed right now. Life is like that. But I may not. It is true that wow, if he decides to walk away, my heart will break like nothing else this time. But if that is his decision, and who am I to make him stay? for any reason?

So I'm going to take vitamins, watch myself every day and see where this goes.

BTW, he's 3000 miles away. Yup, it's long distance too. Can you imagine having to think through all this after only 3 months of knowing each other? What if it doesn't work out? What about risk of transmission? What is a good life? So many questions...

Answer:
This is serious issue that worries me. How do you tell a new partner about your status. Before I was diagnosed, I know I would walk away if I was told, "I have Herpes."

I wish you all the best.

Answer:
Funny thing is before I was diagnosed with HSV2, I probably would have left a person if they told me they had herpes. During that time, I wasn't educated about the virus and the only thing that I knew of this virus is what society shows. Well, since being diagnosed, I have found out just like each of us has that the virus is not exactly like what society paints (some good, some bad). I believe that things happen for a reason and in my case, I used to be closed-minded regarding certain things and now I have developed a very open-minded and accepting attitude about many things including herpes.

I have told two guys since I was diagnosed and the both of them accept it, one of which I am trying to develop a relationship. I have talked to him about it and he has asked me questions. He said that it is his decision and if he gets it, he will deal with it. He told me that it is not the end of the world and it is worth the risk. If our relationship does not work out, it will not be because of herpes. So, when you think about it, you can meet someone (without you having herpes) and try to have a relationship with him and it can fail. Many people have been rejected for various reasons other than herpes. So, just sit down and talk to him, if he decides to leave, then it was not meant to be anyway. I know that it is easier said then done and I know you have feelings involved and so do I with my friend, but remember it can end anyway. Stay positive and strong! Keep us posted!:)