Question:
[color=blue] Hi, I have been married now for 13 years. I wasn't feeling well last week and went to the gyn all to find that I have herpes! Never in my life have I experienced such horrible pain! Here I am, being married and we have a small child and never have I had herpes. My husband who was the biggest slut before we met has never had herpes, or never aware he had it. I am comfused! I am not sure if he has had this all along and never knew it and just NOW gave me herpes; is that possible??? Or did he get herpes while we were married! I was in such pain that I called the DR and he gave me Lidocaine to numb the whole area just so I can go to the bathroom. I just can't believe all this pain. Of course along with the emotional heartache I am experiencing! I am so depressed and I just don't understand how this has happened. I am married and and have a family and ya think that your safe from any kind of STD's. Just last week I'm on the internet searching furniture and this week all about Herpes!
I just don't know how I am going to get through this, I cry and cry all the time! To top it off I get my period yesterday and that is horrible! Trying to keep a natually warm, moist area dry is hard enough and now blood! God Help ME! I know and I understand that it's only Herpes and 1 out of every 4 americans have it and many don't know they have it, but for my life it just doesn't add up. Doesn't make since! I feel right now that I need to go to a councelor to get through this. I look in the mirror now and I see a different person and I don't like her at all!!!! If you read this, thank you for listening and if you have any advice please respond, I really need help!

Answer:
this sounds cold - but - advil and tampons - keep it dry, clean - check into anti-virals - and get to that therapist.

You'll be fine - it will suck for a while - but the pain decreases along with the stress.

Answer:
Yes, I agree, the primary outbreak can be just the most miserable pain, and it's only worse with you stressing to the max over the new diagnosis. I remember crying and crying too, and lots of hot baths. Bad. You do need to try some antivirals, they will cut down the pain and the length of the outbreak alot. I happen to know lasmom uses valtrex and I have used acyclovir. I know it's not much help right now, but future outbreaks will be MUCH milder.

Has your husband ever recalled an outbreak on himself?

s2bh

Answer:
Hi,
Thank you to Lassmom and Sad2bhere for your thoughts and support . I appeciate it very much! To anwser your question s2bh, my husband has never known of having an outbreak... ever. This is why it is so hard to conceive that I got a horrible 1st outbreak this week and just finding out that it is herpes. Believe me, he definitly had the lifestyle to get herpes. After talking to my husband, he does recall having reddness and soreness on his penis. We always said that this was from so much sex in one night. I too can recall having redness, and itching but I thought it was from a yeast infection. Is it possible for my husband to have given me herpes in the beginning of our relationship and I just now get an outbreak?
Last week I shaved and trimmed myself and cut myself bad. Small cut, but hurt. We had sex that night and here I am 1 1/2 weeks later. Was it maybe because of this cut that brought this on??? Not sure. Today I am getting better, the pain is subsiding and I am looking up on having this. I know this a start!
Thanks for listening!

Answer:
You bring up some good points. Some herpes breakouts can just seem like some redness and soreness after too much friction (sex) and the 'cluster bumps" may not even be noticable. I know my first breakout was like that, I was sure it was a yeast infection. Once you start noticing these patterns you'll probably take more care to prevent an outbreak by using more lube. I wanted to say that the bad aching and pain happens also whan a breakout is starting up in a new location. Maybe that's what happened with the cut - perhaps you've had herpes for awhile, it's been transmitted via the cut to a new location.

I want to caution you, there's alot of people who have gotten herpes on their first contact or through no fault of their own, not because they were 'sluts'. We are trying to reduce the social judgment aspect here with supportive communities like this. If you and your husband are both certain there has been no exposures to either of you from outside partners, then it sort of sounds like you may have been exposed to or passing herpes back and forth for awhile and not aware of it. Remember that statistic of 90% of ppl who have herpes don't know it? I am not 100% certain, but there are probably blood tests you and hubby can have if you want serological evidence of how old your exposures are ... the theory being that the longer since you've exposed, the higher reading you will have on your HSV blood test. Someone newly exposed, would have a much lower rating.

But on the other hand, I think these tests and their interpretation can be tricky at best. This is the tough thing about herpes, we try to get these highly advanced medical tests to tell us something we have to decide in our hearts. I say if you are happy in your marriage, if you know this is a storm you can weather together, why throw other variables in there that make this already confusing and painful time more confusing. I also participate on a infidelity board, and the fact is, alot of women find out about their partners infidelity by getting an STD. But on the other hand, if you and hubby have been happily coexisting and having herpes together for years then I understand there is still anger and shock to deal with (re: this new diagnosis) but it's much less than also having to deal with the possible marital impact of an affair.

The thing that would be the deciding factor for me - is - are those areas or redness and soreness you two have had after sex always in the same place? I mean the exact same place on his and your gentials every time? If it is, that's probably herpes. For years and years the skin breakout symptoms will come back in the same spot.

Good luck :) and take care of yourself sweetie. I seem to breakout more easily when I don't get enough sleep, or if I am very emotional/angry. Think of yourself and take care of your physical needs. I find lysine and garlic pills help me, and the acyclovir and warm baths if the aching is too bad. You can use a spray bottle during real bad times when toilet paper is too painful. Yeah, and the advil lasmom mentioned. Just remember, you don't have to decide anything today. Give yourself the time and space to accept and think about all this.

s2bh

Answer:
Hi! I know how you feel.........it is really hard at first........I was married when I got herpes from my exhusband who is in denial or just didn't realize he had it. The best thing you can do for yourself is to not stress over it.......I know easier said then done. It doesn't change who you are. It is just a virus you need to deal with. I have had it for 12 years now and when I was first diganosed I became very depressed too. I seeked counseling and that helped alot.

You have your husband to help you get through this. Both of you should go to a counselor and talk about it. That has really helped me lately.....Talking about it to true friends....and I told me daughters 16 and 13. I no longer feel I have this deep dark secret. I can better educate my girls to be very careful. It in no way changes the loving caring person I am! :D

Take a long warm bath, play some relaxiation music, and shut off the lights and light some candles. And thank god it isn't something terminal.

Take Care and smile!

Answer:
Forgot to mention! I just recently started using valtrex when I get an out break. They are gone in 2 days!

Wish I had talked to my dr a longgggggg time ago instead of suffering through the outbreaks!

:D