Question:
Ok, so I am officially freaking out and need answers. A few days ago, I was going to give my boyfriend oral sex when I noticed a red sore under the tip of his penis. I asked him what it was and he claimed I "bit" him the last time I performed oral sex on him. I was immediately skeptical and decided it was not about to go in my mouth anytime soon. That being said..

We did have unprotected sex prior to my little discovery. I kept asking him if it was herpes and he got very defensive and said no. After that, I only would have sex with him with a condom. However, as I mentioned we have had sex a few times before I noticed his little infection. To my knowledge, I have never had anything. Tonight, I refused to have sex with him until he gets checked. We messed around, and afterwards I looked at his penis and saw the same red sore but it looked like it spread and another was near it. I started freaking out and tomorrow we are both getting checked.

I am 99% sure he does have herpes and I am pissed about it. My question is this: what are the chances I did get infected? And also, I show no signs or symptoms of anything as of now. But that would be normal at this point, right?

And would I be a horrible girlfriend if I decided to not continue the relationship if he does have herpes and I do not? Because that is not something I think I can deal with. I can not find statistics on the chances of being infected by someone who is currently having an outbreak. any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

Answer:
If it is herpes it is most contagious right before, during and directly after an outbreak. I certainly hope your tests are negative but if so you should wait and get retested in a month and refrain from sexual contact until you can get another negative test result.

As for whether or not you would be an awful girlfriend to end the relationship if you find he has herpes and you do not is entirely up to you. There is no reason you should feel obligated to make choices with your health that you are not comfortable with. The relationship may not be that important to you at this time in your life.

Many people on this site were not informed by our partners that there was a risk of contracting hsv.

In my case my ex outright lied about having an affair and decided to put me at risk. If I'd known about his extra-marital activities I'd have ended it right then and there and I wouldn't have felt guilty for one second about walking out. At the time I thought he was faithful and the relationship could be saved. My bad.

Answer:
I don't mean to come down on you (I know you must be feeling horrible enough as it is), but this is probably a good case for not having sex without a condom (not that it would protect you 100%, but if the ob is on the tip of his penis...well...). You shouldn't think that if you don't see sores it is a-ok to proceed.

Answer:
If he has herpes then he is and has been contagious randomly when he DOESNT have any sores visible. Theres a really high chance you have contracted it from him. It can sometimes take months for antibodies to show up in someone once they have contracted this so dont think a negative blood test for you means you dont have it. I would get tested via blood for the next 4 months to see if you keep getting negative results. Also, there is a chance you could have been carrying the virus without any symptoms(way more common than people like to believe) and you could have given him the virus unknowingly, and that is why he has just now got symptoms(in which case he truly would be unaware he has herpes, though the sores should have sent off a warning bell) Anyhow, you both need to be tested via blood and if he tests negative and you test positive then you will know it was you who carried the virus first and not him, or the reverse. However, if you both test positive then there is really no way to know who gave it to who and remember that annual appointments at gynecologists DO NOT test for herpes. A blood test on file is needed to show you have ever been tested for it in the past, so keep that in mind. SOme women think they've been tested every year at the gynecologist for "ALL stds" but sadly they have no clue they have NEVER been tested for herpes unless they specifically asked for a herpes blood test. Check your records if you think you have proof you didnt have it prior. Also, keep in mind that over 50% of all people carrying the virus do not or will not get symptoms and truly have no clue they could even be a carrier.

If he does have it and has had it for a while then you have a right to be upset, but you did willingly sleep with him and so it is partly your responsibility as well.

Thers also a big possibility depending on the type it is diagnosed as, that you have oral herpes(and have no clue) and gave it to him through oral sex, which is very common. If you've ever had a cold sore in your life, or even if you havent, you could still have it orally and not be aware of it. ORal herpes spreads without symptoms some of the time as well. Wait to see the type that comes up positive and then take it from there about tyring to figure out where it came from and where it is located.