Question:
I am 32. I was just married 3 weeks ago. My husband were together for 6 years before we got married....with one break up a year and a half ago. In that time, I made some awful mistakes. I slept with a few people, but had protected sex. When we got back together I didn't get tested for anything. I thought I was safe.

Starting last Novemeber I starting getting what I thought were yeast infections. But they keep coming back. The day after we got married, I noticed some sores on the skin around my vagina. I went to the doctor, and was tested....I'm waiting on the results.

I'm almost postive i have herpes. I have all the symptoms. I don't care what happens to me. I'd rather have cancer, than know I could have infected my new husband. We have unprotected sex all the time. If i have it, he probably has it.

I can't sleep, i can't think of anything else. I'd kill myself, but i don't want to leave him alone to deal with this if I gave it to him.
How can I deal with his guilt? How can I live with myself? How can ever look at him again? I feel like i'm exploding inside. All the joy I should feel about getting married is gone.

Answer:
Find out if you're positive first.

You could have had this a LONG time - dormant until the wedding stress brought it out - a possibility for me.... where my OBs started while I was planning my wedding.

Your husband may have had it first - you don't know. He may have had it and not known - he may have had relationships when you were broken up.... talk to him.

It is not the end of the world. It is the beginning of your life together - start with honesty - he must love you, which is the reason why he should respect you no matter what. Don't make assumptions now. Wait for your results, work from there - one day at a time until it gets easier - and it will.

Good luck.

Answer:
thanks for the reply.
He didn't have sex with anyone when we broke up. we talked about it.
I was tested 5 years ago for everything, and came out clean, so if i have anything it's because of my stupidity.
He said he was tested before we dated, and was healthy.

I feel like i can't live with myself. He's a good man. He shouldn't have to deal with this.



Find out if you're positive first.

You could have had this a LONG time - dormant until the wedding stress brought it out - a possibility for me.... where my OBs started while I was planning my wedding.

Your husband may have had it first - you don't know. He may have had it and not known - he may have had relationships when you were broken up.... talk to him.

It is not the end of the world. It is the beginning of your life together - start with honesty - he must love you, which is the reason why he should respect you no matter what. Don't make assumptions now. Wait for your results, work from there - one day at a time until it gets easier - and it will.

Good luck.

Answer:
Yes but was he tested for HSV? They don't do that for typical screening...

One way or the other - find out the facts first - then talk to him again. Not to blame - just to make sure he has or does not have it - so you guys can have a starting point.

Answer:
Thanks for taking the time to write to me, and for the good advice. It means the world. I get the results tomorrow.

I think he was tested for everything...including HSV. He has never had any symptoms either.

I guess the issue I'm really dealing with is the guilt. I don't care about myself at this point. Just him. I just feel like i can't live with myself if i gave it to him. It's like I pulled the trigger on him, before checking to see if the gun was loaded. I should have gotten tested after we got back together. I should have known there was a risk. I feel like such a bad person. I love him, and I may have gone this horrible thing to him....that will last a lifetime.

I know i should what for the results..and i am....but i'm sure i have herpes. WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?

Thanks again. You are an angel.

Answer:
No Angel - just been there

My soon to be x husband told me he was positive soon after I started dating someone - "well I guess then you should know..." he said when he found out I was seeing someone (I had already asked for a divorce - I wasn't cheating)

Anyway - I had to go to my boyfriend and tell him what was going on - he was very supportive - I thought he'd freak out - same as you - I had pulled the trigger un knowingly - his response: "Ok, we'll get tested, go from there...."

Maybe your husband would benefit by seeing you go through this...and help you through it.... I don't know - you will have to tell him at some point.. only you know when.

Good luck honey. I wish the best for you.

Answer:
I'm so sorry you had to go through this too! Even if I test negative (which doesn't seem likely) I will always remember this feeling, and have new empathy for anyone with his horrible disease.

I have told my husband what is going on. He said we should wait and see...but it's killing me. I can't help but feel he will never fully forgive me.

What happened with your boyfriend? did he test positive?
Thanks again, Lasmom.
You have been a comfort.


No Angel - just been there

My soon to be x husband told me he was positive soon after I started dating someone - "well I guess then you should know..." he said when he found out I was seeing someone (I had already asked for a divorce - I wasn't cheating)

Anyway - I had to go to my boyfriend and tell him what was going on - he was very supportive - I thought he'd freak out - same as you - I had pulled the trigger un knowingly - his response: "Ok, we'll get tested, go from there...."

Maybe your husband would benefit by seeing you go through this...and help you through it.... I don't know - you will have to tell him at some point.. only you know when.

Good luck honey. I wish the best for you.

Answer:
No - negative -

And over a year of unprotected, "smart" sex - if I didn't feel "OK" the undies stayed on! Still negative. Go figure.

Answer:
a similar thing's happening to me. i had sex with my gf fri night, then she called me and said she vomited at work on saturday. sat night i found a strange sore on my inner thigh by my scrotum. then on mon she was telling me her lymph nodes hurt. i haven't had sex since that fri, but i haven't been able to sleep or work. i made an appt. teus for thurs, today. i feel excactly the same as you...i'd rather die than have to deal with the fact that i gave it to her, even though i did unknowingly. i don't care about what happens to me, but i can't stop thinking about how i ruined this person's life. i guess we both just have to wait and find out and hope that we're with people who can help us though this. i haven't told anyone yet, except for on these forums, so i'm having a hard time. crying all day. i hope you find comfort knowing there's someone else, and probably others too, who are in the same boat as you.