Question:
So, I'm still awaiting my test results...but being that I was in the sun (to which I now look like a leper from peeling), just had unprotected sex with a partner, am under severe stress, my "special" monthly counterpart just started, feel achy, running a small fever, and all the pictures I've seen point to exactly what's on my little labia...I dont think I need a test result to confirm my welcome to the forum.

I've been voraciously searching the internet for information on hsv virtually since my initial outbreak on friday. (Tested on Monday, results should be back on Friday - but like I said...) I have five new friends to contend with on my genital area, but to be honest, I think I'm pretty lucky...as they aren't giving me too much trouble. Yeah, there uncomfortable...but bless all of you with your initial outbreak (and recurrences) that are going through far more trauma than me.

I think this new viral buddy of mine is doing more psychologically than physically. That's where ya'll come in. I have been perusing posts for nearly two days now..and find that this site is probably the closest thing that has come to "comfort" that I've had for the last five days. Thank you all for showing me that there is someone out there I can talk to. I dont know anyone with herpes (or anyone that has told me). I've told two people about my new herpes (mom and best friend), but since they dont have it, or have been through this, nothing they seem to be saying makes me feel any better. Reading these posts is the only comfort I've had.

The Upside. I really physically feel ok, and with this being the worst its gonna get physically...I think I can contend with herpes.

Psychologically, that's a whole other ball-o-wax. At the moment, I feel like I should enter a nunnery and continue my existence celebate. I cry, then I cry, then...oh yah...I cry. I feel like no one will ever want me due to the stigma that is attached with this virus (that I'm learning mostly everyone has anyways!!!!!!!) I have this overriding drive to enlighten people that "hey, its just a skin disease," but I feel like its me against the world... So, all that being said, Is what I'm feeling normal? And will it get better for me mentally?

Second mental problem I have. The partner that most likely gave this to me. No, wait...that gave this to me. I had an hsv blood test, results negative before we started sleeping together a year and a half ago. We have been together off and on, broke up four months ago, then got back together two weeks ago. He was with other partners this summer...then bang...the appearance of my new bumpy friends down below. I know him...he'll deny it and blame me, that I gave herpes to him. My question is...how are/did you all get through the rejection of someone you love? I'm waiting to confirm test results before approaching him, but I think this, above all, is what is bothering me about the whole situation...the thought of losing that partner.

Ok, thanks for the lurv...sorry if I offended anyone with my sarcastic humor....it helps get through serious situations with a little more ease. ;)

Answer:
Don't apologize for the sarcastic humor. On such a normally doom and gloom site, I find it refreshing. After all, if we can't laugh at ourselves, (even if it's to keep from crying) who can we laugh at?

Just a little heads up... if those 'little friends' are blisters, once they break open, it's going to hurt like a mother when you pee. I hope you don't have to contend with that, but it can happen. That's when it gets really fun. :shock:

Another point I'd like to make (and I'm not coming down on you in any way) is that H isn't just a skin disease. I understand why some people look at it that way, but it can have serious ramifications for a lot of people. Look at it this way... if you had just been diagnosed with eczema, would you be worrying about your boyfriend leaving you, or would you be so concerned about the stigma and the possibility that no one will ever want you? (which, by the way is not true... you'll find that out :smile:) But if you answered no to any of those questions, then you realize it's a little more serious than a skin disease. See my point?

It's always hard at first. You can expect that emotional roller coaster ride to last a while, but you'll adjust, and things will calm down for you. We all have to go through that mental adjustment period until we come to terms with this new intrusion in our lives. It's perfectly normal.

As for your bf, I'm confused. You seem pretty certain that he'll deny it and blame you. You know he's been sleeping around, so chances are, he was exposed at some point. Have you also had other partners during that 'on again, off again' period? If so, then it's possible you got it somewhere else, too. He really should be tested, but if you both show up with positive blood tests, and both have had sexual encounters with others, there's no way to prove anything conclusively.

All that aside, if you've been together 'on and off' for a year and a half, why would you want to be with him, knowing he wouldn't be supportive of you? If he cared about me, I would expect him to be supportive, and if he wasn't, I'd figure that said a lot about his feelings for me. I know you said you love him, but what is he bringing to the table in this relationship? Maybe I'm going way out on a limb here, and I should keep my mouth shut, but it sounds like maybe he's using you. That bothers me because you sound like a really nice person. You're obviously intelligent, you have a good sense of humor, and it seems like you should be with someone who appreciates you and respects you more. But that's just my take from what you wrote, and like I said, I could be wrong. (Now, THAT would be a first!.... Not!!)

At any rate, I really hope things work out the way you want them to, especially with the bf. And I hope that ob clears up quick. I think I've got one coming on... oh goody. :roll: Let us know how you're doing, okay? Hugs.

Answer:
Hey writer,

Unfort..no...I was behaving on our four month break...but of course, the one that cheats always assumes that the other did as well...and he is no exception. Its that classic age ol - guys and girls can't be friends without some type of sexual exploit. He saw me around with a few guy friends so, of course (lol), I just absolutely must have been sleeping with them :lol: NOT!

Exactly what you said as far as support from him is what others have been saying to me as well. I think my paranoia is just running...and i'm being a typical "girl." And your right, if things dont work out, they dont...just like my bumpies, I shall get through (tho both hurt in different literal ways)

No busty blisters yet. The swabbing for the test was not pleasant, but I think my bumps are strategically located enough for me to get through pee'in (like I said, physically, I'm a pretty lucky girl with my herpes...so far)

I wish the best for you, especially if your recurring. :oops: I can't tell you how wonderful it is to talk to someone that can really understand! Check in on me sometime again!

Answer:
Ya, you sound tough enough to bounce back from this pretty easily.

It also sounds like you are tough enough to deal without this guy who you suppose won't support you w/ hsv, won't trust you not to sleep w/ your buddies and won't take any responsibility for his own risky behavior.

It sounds as if you're dealing without him anyway!

Writer is right -- you ought to EXPECT support and not worry about losing what's not there in the first place. I wasn't even in a long-term relationship w/my source partner, in that we knew he was moving when we got together. His first reaction when I told him was to feel awful for having given it to me. I wasn't blaming him anyway. We'd had recent tests for other STIs, he had no symptoms and we both were under the misconception that you have to have at least one outbreak to be a carrier. Then he was concerned about MY symptoms (mild as yours). I wouldn't expect everyone to act that way, but I'd definitely expect someone who is committed to me to act that way.

As long as you and I can recover from the initial shock and shame and hopelessness (which I think happens with time), this infection might be a good way to help us separate the men from the boys. To me, a few embarassing hsv rejections (if they happen at all) are worth escaping some of the guys who'll handle a zillion other imperfections the way you think your boyfriend will handle this. I don't share Writer's hesitation to opine on what it sounds like you already know: Your relationship isn't good. Either he's not being half the man he should be, or you're not giving him a chance to.

Answer:
You know, Olivia, sometimes people can really be surprising. Maybe he'll surprise you and have a totally different reaction from what you're expecting. Maybe this will even be his wake-up call to clean up his act. I'm not going to bet the farm, but I will keep a good thought. Either way, I have a feeling you're going to be just fine.

Answer:
Welcome! I have been using sarcasm to bring me through most of this as well, and your post was probably the introduction i should have had if i were the writer you are (minus the current boyfriend part). You sound like you're dealing really well... i hate to hear people announce that their world is over, cause that feeling really does pass. I have mild, unbroken bumpies like yours that don't give me much grief, and honestly it hasn't been a full week yet and i'm settling into the new "me". I wish you TONS of luck, and let us know how it goes when you finally break it to your bf.

Answer:
test results in....positive. :cry:

The "initial" shock is setting in. I'm a grad student, and I have class (not like undergrad - you MUST go), so I'm hysterical at the moment, but...I'm not gonna let this beat me. I'm going to class...any words of encouragement on forcing yourself to get on with life would be a giant help for when I get home...cuz right now, a shovel and a nice hole sounds like a great idea.

And while I'm at it. Since the results are positive, I've been toiling with the idea of holistic remedies for suppression, as opposed to way expensivo valtrex. i keep hearing people talk about vitamin supplements and therapies...but confused on what to go ahead and purchase.

Thanks ya'll ahead of time for the advice and wishes. Oh...and these aches better quit, cuz i feel like a cracked my tailbone. :evil:

Answer:
Act as though you have faith and faith will be given to you.


For me, that means proceed as if this won't be a big problem. If you're like me, you can't sleep until you have some resolution to every permutation of every conceivable challenge. Normally I'd assume and prepare for the worst (eternal rejection/settling for/feeling like less than), but this time I'm assuming those things WON'T happen. That way I can at least climb out of my hole (mental nunnery?) until those dreads actually came true. It takes a lot of mental discipline for me to stay out of the hole, and I still find myself rehersing "The Talk" and all possible susequent dialogues pretty much every day. But at least I'm to the point where it no longer occurs to me to stay home while my friends go out, to suppress my confidence or to act like I'm now an incomplete person because of the Stupid Red Bump. Sometimes I feel like a fraud bc I know I feel those things in my heart. But I'm not going to act like it.

Yeah, it may sound a bit like not facing reality. On the other hand, it helps keep me from filling hours and days and weeks of my life with depression over horrors that may never be. And, as one person on this forum pointed out, if we act like we don't feel destroyed by this virus, then it'll be a lot easier to convince potential partners to be cool with it, too.

It's one thing to try, I suppose. If your friends are going out tomorrow night, I'd go with them and just take a break from your awful feelings. As long as your health is up for it, anyway. Try to act like yourself again, and maybe you'll feel like yourself again. It's a coping measure, but sometimes that's all we can do!

Answer:
In addition to all that alfalfa said, don't forget to allow yourself some time to grieve. People grieve differently. Personally, i tend to tuck it all away and deal with it in bits and pieces when i get too bored. However with this, i took about 3 days (including a weekend) to just feel bad for myself. I pouted, i cried a bit (watching a sad movie), i lamented the end of my sex life, i cleaned the crap out of my bathroom, etc. Toward the end, i found this site, i got more information, i stopped allowing myself to feel sorry for myself, and forced myself to get out of the house and put a smile on my face.

I was diagnosed... let's see... last Thursday? And i'm almost back to normal. The people here are absolutely right -- eventually it just becomes a part of you.. something that's inside you that you deal with. It doesn't have to ruin your life, as plenty of people here can attest it doesn't have to ruin your sex life, but it is something you need to deal with before you can accept it and continue. I know you have classes, but arm yourself with information and a good girly flick, and get back to life!!