Question:
I was diagnosed with HSV-2 on Tuesday Sept. 18... Here's my story...

My boyfriend went to see the doctor on Wednesday Sept 12. He found out he had an infection called NGU. The doctors explained to him that it is an STD that usually accompanies chlamydia or gonnorea. but he has neither. When he told me the news he was devistated ... I assured him that everything was ok... Ironically I had already made an appointment to see the gyn for a yeast infection I just couldn't seem to get rid of and now to check to see if I too had NGU...

At the gyn they did my annual pap and I told them to go ahead and do a full STD test ... Which they drew blood for HIV and Herpes testing... The gyn told me that she saw a little bit of yeast under the microscope and the monistat I took for the second time must have worked ... She also told me their were no white blood cells present meaning there is no sign of infection so she is pretty sure I do not have chlamydia or gonorrea ...

Well Tuesday Sept 18 I get a call from they gyn they told me my test came back and I am positve for HSV ... She told me I had it longer than 3 months and she went thru the whole I can still get pregnant, asked if I had any symptoms, and told me she could give me a prescription if I wanted...

I had no idea what genital herpes was exactly ... I asked her if could have mistaken any symptoms for hair bumps b/c I had noticed an increase in hair bumps ... She said no...

I got off the phone with her and called my boyfriend... I cried like a baby and he immediately came over and held me and told me everything would be ok... I assumed he didn't have it b/c he had went to the doctors and got tested for STD's but he told me that they didn't test for HSV ...

The little shred of hope I had for him shattered just then... What have I done??? Not only to myself but to him... OH GOD please help me... I can't live with the fact of knowing I gave this to someone ...

My boyfriend made an appointment to get tested and told me he is pretty sure he is positive for HSV b/c he had that infection... I feared that if he was negative he would want to leave me eventually cause our sex life would be pretty much non existant...

I begin to get deeper and deeper depressed over the fact that my genitals are tainted and no one ever wanting me ... I depressed over the fear of my boyfriend not wanting to touch me anymore or feel sexually attracted to me ... We had an amazing sex life and now its all over and done with...

On Monday Sept 24 my boyfriends test came back and he too was positive for HSV ... We had sex for no apparent reason and the sex was so blah neither one of us felt any better... Later that night I noticed that my bikini line was a little irritated and I had started to develop pimple like bumbs ... I guess I was having an outbreak ... My boyfriend asked me about how my genital area was doing b/c he had experienced the same thing ... (Talk about weird) ... Why after all this time that we have been having sex over the past 2 months did we just experience an outbreak or symptoms???

Well the news hit my boyfriend pretty hard... he thought he had accepted it and he did deal with it pretty well initially but yesterday he had all of the same thoughts I had about being alone and life etc ... I told him I knew he would think those thoughts and that someday he might end up hating me for doing this to him ... He got so frustrated with me that he refuse to talk to me ... He told me Happy Birthday earlier this morning over IM but immediately after that he refused to give me a hug of affection and he told me I was selfish and he didn't want to talk to me about anything cause he was disappointed in my behavior the other night... He told me I was insecure and that is something I have to deal with and he refuses to deal with it or reassure me that he still wants to be with me ...

I may have been a little insensitive to him b/c I did make it about me as far as telling him he would hate me and how bad I feel about giving it to him and not telling him that everything would be ok cause I still wanted him so he doesn't have to worry about being alone ... I didn't feel the need to say that b/c I thought it would come across wrong being that I am the one who did this to him ... I can see where I could have been more sensitive to his feeling being that I went thru the same emotional turmoil just a week before ...

He apologized to me for ranting so hard b/c he knows it hurts my feelings ... However his apology meant nothing to me ... I feel like we are both going thru an emotional time right now and he can't verbally abuse me or blame me for my actions when I am not in my right state of mind ... I would never have said anything mean or hurtful to him knowing what he is going thru ... I would never refuse to talk to him or give him a hug for comfort b/c I am feeling bad esp if I know he is going thru a trying time... I feel like he should have pushed that emotion of not wanting to talk to me or be near me aside b/c I needed his support and affection ... and to top it all off he refused to show me effection on my birthday ...

So here I am, today is my 29th birthday and I have not heard from by BF since 6:45 this morning... I really don't care to much b/c today is suppose to be my day and I don't need him to ruin it any more than it already is ... :(

Answer:
One of the unwritten rules of relationships is that both people can't be going through an emotional crisis at the same time. When you're falling apart inside yourself, it's pretty hard to give much support to the other person, and both parties end up feeling abandoned and resentful.

That said, it's a moot point in the case of you and your bf, since the crisis is already underway. All that can be done now is try to mend the damage. Try to understand that men are just as sensitive as we are. Their feelings get hurt just as easily, and sometimes even more readily than ours. And when you feel like you're balancing on a razor's edge to begin with, the slightest nudge can push you over the edge.

Your bf was there for you when you were diagnosed. Now it's your turn. Talk to him. Reassure him that you still care, still find him desirable, and still want to be with him. And forget about nobody ever wanting to be with you or make love to you again. That's rubbish, and you can tell him that, too. I'm living proof of that, and so are about a million other people with HSV. Sex still rocks.

You're both still in the roughest stage of this that you'll experience. Getting accustomed to the idea takes a little time, but once you get over the initial shock (and you will... both of you) calmer heads will prevail, and you'll be able to see things more realistically and more rationally. Give yourselves time to get to that point before you make dire predictions that he'll hate you or leave you, or vice versa. Sometimes in our efforts to hold on to those we love, we end up pushing them away instead. For now, just try to be there for one another, and let time take care of the rest.

Answer:
Misery,

I don't mean to be mean, but come on now you and your b/f need to suck this up. Instead of being at eachothers throats try relating and enjoying eachothers company. Herpes hasn't changed who either of you are. How do you know he didn't give you the herpes?

You should not be miserable; it sucks... trust me, I know, but life will go on. I'm still worried about telling anyone other than the doc and the girl that gave this to me.

Answer:
Hi and thx for the advice ...

However my BF decided to call it quits and I have been taking this really hard... he says its not the fact of being HSV positive but my actions ... Nothing I said convinced him to change his mind ... I am so upset and that its making me sick ... I have uncontrollable crying spurts ... I never know when I will burst out in tears ... I am trying to be strong but I am so stressed and depressed I can't see the light of day ...

My BF is still communicating with me as far as an occasional txt or IM and he has called to see how I was doing once... I still can't believe its over ... and I am left to deal with this alone ... He is the only one who knows and that is why I need him around for support but I don't know how much longer he will stick around cause he can tell me he doesn't want to communicate with one another at any point in time ...

He seems to think b/c I have family and friends they would be there for me but I am too embarrassed to tell anyone ... I am afraid of the negative comments or critisism I may receive ... I'm not saying my friends or family won't be supportive but sometimes people like to just be blunt and I don't want to hear it...

Anyway thanks for responding ... the comments recieved really help alot

Answer:
Misery,

Sorry to hear about the b/f; this is a much easier thing to go through with someone in your life. I personally haven't shared this information with anyone but my doctor, but I think every person is different. I can deal with the disease by myself. I think it is obvious that part of your problem stems from you feeling dirty about having herpes. If you can afford it, I suggest going to counseling;otherwise I suggest you continue to learn more about the virus, and tell someone in your life if it is too much for you to handle along.

If anyone gives you crap about having herpes you know what you say? "Have you ever been tested?" "Are you sure?" 25% of the population is infected and only 5% know they are infected. 10% of all people with one sexual partner in their life are infected. 17% of people with 2-5 partners in their life are infected.

You need to find a way not to think so negatively towards herpes, and you need to find a way to feel better about yourself. You are not a bad person, and you are still desirable.