Question:
HI,
within a month my whole life has gone from happy to devestating. i recently moved back home after being away off and on for 6 years. i had only been home a little over 2 months when i met someone. and for the first time in my life i was happy. he treated me as if he actually saw me. like a person. and then not long after we started our relationship i became sick. i was in massive amounts of pain. and when i went to the doctor she told me she thought that i had herpes. i mentally shut down. im trying to come out of this depression but its hard. my partner recently was tested after my results came back positive. his came back negative. im totally devestated because my condition didnt begin until i became involved with him. i keep thinking if i didnt get it from him, then who did i get it from. i feel like my life is ruined. will i live my life with out knowing love. he's being supportive but i felt like when his results came back negative that i was dirty and he was clean so i shouldnt touch him. i still feel like that. im afraid to be touched. even a simple hug. he hugged me today and i cringed...not out of fear of him, but of what i could do to him. how do we continue our relationship on a physical level without my infecting him? i feel like this happened to me at a time when i finally found love, finally found happiness. and now i feel like its being taken out away from me. im depressed and hurting and heartbroken and its hard for me to come to grips with the fact that i have this disease. i hope that i can find someone to talk to who has gone through or going through what i am right now. i am mentally shutting down because i dont want to feel the pain. pain of loss. of losing the one person who has made me so happy. i feel cursed. like this is my curse. he is being supportive but also thinking of his safety. and i can understand it. how do i live with getting through this not wanting to be touched? any advice is welcome. good or bad. thank you for allowing me to join your group. and for allowing me to tell my story.

Answer:
Hi Bluheartfire,

I know what u are going thru... I too met a wonderful man... 2 months ago my life was perfect ... I fell in love with this man and I could see us married in the future ... However all of that changed a week in a half ago ... I was diagnosed with HSV-2 and I gave it to my boyfriend ... I must have gotten it from my previous relationship... The symptoms I had were nothing that alarmed me as I kept getting hair bumps and I did find it weird but I brushed it off ... I just learned that the hair bumps and itchng were probably a good indication that something was wrong... I had gotten somewhat use to using nair to take all of my pubic hair off and sometime within the past 8 months I noticed I was getting increased hair bumps and I would think to myself man I need to keep my hairs low down their cause when it grows back it really itches and is causing a lot of hair bumps...

I knew nothing about herpes or symptoms of herpes until now ... Everyone's symptoms are different and the symptoms you may have experienced before being intimate with your current partner may have gone unnoticed...

Right now I am on an emotional rollercoaster and my love life is falling apart b/c I gave it to him and though he forgave me and still wants to be with me both of us are mentally unstable right now and we can't be as supportive to one another ...

The only words of encouragement I can give you is to hang on to the fact that your partner is being supportive and that he doesn't have H b/c your relationship needs atleast one stable mind to stay intact ...

Although I don't know what good is going to come of this I have to put my faith in God and pray for the best ... I wish you well and stay positive...