Question:
Nobody wants me around. If I tell everyone I could potentially come into physical contact with I get rejected and if I don't tell then I can't socialize at all. At least I am not a good person if I don't tell, so I am told, but these people aren't sex partners so I just don't get why they have to make me feel like I have to tell. Has anyone here ever had this happen?

Ok, I am not sure I stated my dilemma properly here. So let me put it this way. How much do I have to tell people if all I want to do is to be able to hug someone socially, not kiss them, and if they want to kiss my cheek should I say something??? I find this all very humiliating, embarrassing and degrading to say the least! I am totally uncomfortable with this whole idea of telling just so I can be acceptable. Its the stigma rearing its ugly head here, I believe. Trouble is, when I asked originally about whether or not people would try make me feel stigmatized in the company, they sad we don't want that to happen in our company. Now the opposite seems to be happening. I find this bizarre not to mention rather like a BIG LIE I was told, and for what? (and nobody seems to remember telling me they wanted no stigma happening! how do they forget so easily unless it was a lie to cover up something else?)

Answer:
I don't feel like I have an obligation to tell anyone else unless I'm going to put them at risk. If I'm not planning on kissing them or having sex with them, I don't see why they need to know, especially because so many people have misconceptions about herpes and the people that have it. Even the people I am going to date, will not find out unless i decide its getting serious... which means no more free kissing lol. Of course I'm not going to allow anyone to share my drink or eat off my plate, or use my chapstick or anything, just to be safe... but they don't have to know why. It's a very personal and tough matter and I don't think we need other people feeling like they can judge us, embarrass us, or distance us. That's just my thoughts...

Answer:
Thanks texaschick. I appreciate your thoughts here and agree. :smile:

Answer:
Since when do we pass gential herpes from kissing? Is this for real???

Answer:
No shit, you two are way freaking out. 70%+ of all people have oral HSV1. Do 7 out of ten people tell the person they are seeing that they have HSV1 before they kiss? Hell no... If you have HSV 2 and you have chronic cold sores, maybe it makes sense for you to tell someone before you kiss. Unless this is the case, kiss up and worry about telling people before you jump in the sack.

When I was first diagnosed with genital my first question to the doc was, "so now I need to tell all future partners right?" His response, "You should always wear a condom when you first meet someone and consummate the relationship, and with any honest and open relationship you should want to disclose this information."

He is right! Be safe, protect yourself and others, but herpes isn't the end of life, or the end of sex for you.

Answer:
Let me explain something about my case. I've said it on other threads but those disappear so fast round here. LOL

I don't have HSV1. I have genital and it has spread to the oral department somehow. I dunno, since I didn't touch myself there after touching below the belt that I know of and my husband certainly hasn't been touching anything at all since I was diagnosed. I got oral type 2 by accident. Now when I'm in a social situation I either have to tell or stay at my own table and not interact, which defeats the point of the party or what have you. Lots of people like to kiss socially, and yet, I don't have coldsores nor chronic outbreaks there. I had two oral ob's thus far. Each was so different I almost didn't recognize the second ob only because it occurred in a different area of my mouth and actually couldn't be seen but very much felt. I won't go into more details about that since I'm not happy these boards aren't private.

Everybody is different in how and where their ob's occur and hsv isn't picky where it spreads, it's opportunistic. And you can't always plan who you'll be invited to kiss. Social functions have large varieties of people and most like to kiss in greeting or saying goodbye. So, from now on I am forbidden to socialize with folks I work with, I guess, because I made a blunder and didn't tell, though the second time I was about to say something but someone jumped in too fast and told for me which got me into trouble. I was going to say something to the person in question about not kissing but someone else jumped in there, like I said, and now I'm not wanted. I was not helped, I was banned, and things are being said about me personally. My bad. Long story I can't go into here. My situation is different than most.

I want to be safe and not make others feel at risk but, I'm not terribly adept at social functions so things have gone bad. As for me, I can't have a normal life. It just isn't in the cards.

Answer:
Brucie, I just don't understand? How can you possibly be forbidden to socialize with people you work with?

It seems you can't take back what's already been said. But I would think now you could set people straight somehow? Just refuse to be treated like a leper. I'd pull the people aside that have outted you and have a frank talk with them, It's simply not okay and they need to stop.

When I'm in a social situation and someone hugs and kisses me I turn my face a bit to the side to kind of air-kiss them. I never have wanted to kiss full on the lips socially, too much DNA swapping for me. Not to mention it smudges my lip gloss ha!

I have no idea what you do for a living? But this just doesn't add up.

Hope you can turn things around!

Answer:
To answer your question, Shayna, I'll just have to say that there is no clear cut policy on socializing. Some are allowed and others not. One minute I'm allowed the next not. I'm rather confused with my company to say the least.

That is what I tried to do, too, the turning my head and air kissing thing, and someone yelled at the hostess to not try kissing me, etc.. and I got blamed and am not sure what the heck happened really. I was about to leave anyway and they made it seem like it was them made this decision, or maybe my interpretation is off. I was tired and still am. Sleep seems far away and little more than a pittance when I get some. Anyway, people who wanted to help me were told to shut up more or less also. I was too embarrassed and certain ones ganged up on me so I couldn't have a frank talk if I wanted to with any of them.

Well, I always thought or have been lead to think that socializing with fellow employees is forbidden generally anyways. I don't know the laws there, if any. I haven't been told by management( but it is implied by others that this is policy) but people in office think personal interactions aren't ok. I don't know why. I have tried to tell people what I want and it keeps getting mixed up there. I was recently asked how I'd like my experience with the company to be improved. I've been there for some time so I guess it's something that you get asked after a while. Honestly, I've never been with any company as long as I have with this one. I am thinking my luck is going to run out soon, though. Things keep changing too fast, too. One minute things are Ok, the next nothing is. I know the owner changes his mind a lot but this is ridiculous! I never know what to think. :confused:

The only thing for me to do is stay away from the break room and only use the bathroom. I get in trouble if I socialize, not because I am socializing but because they make trouble for people, always have. The advice of the head driver there to me is to do your business and not get involved since similar things have happened for this person too, and others. It's a crazy company I work with. Always stirring the pot for people. I hate it. So I'll just do my work from now on and not bother with people there. It's the only safe thing I can do. Otherwise I'll get dragged down in the mud more.

Answer:
Yeah im confused too... And i have both oral and genital which is why i worry about kissing too. Don't know which type yet, hopefully i will monday and hopefully its just hsv1.