Question:
I have not been diagnosed with genital herpes but I have the outbreaks. I am scared to go to the doctor because I don't won't anyone to know or see me later and say that girl has a std. I have not dated or had sex since my first outbreak which it has been 7 or 8 months. Not a day goes by that I don't feel disgusted with myself. Even when I dream that I about to have sex, I realize that I can't because I'm diseased. I feel like my life is over. I am single and only 25 so this has really change my life. I would like to get married and have a family, but I can't tell anyone about my dark secret. No one know of this not even my mother. My friends always talking about people they know have std's so I won't dare to tell them and my mother would tell the whole family. Looking at me I would be the last person anyone ever expect, I meant plenty of guys who talk to me how some wome are shady and going around burning others, not realizes the circumstances that cause these women to get a std in the first place.

As far as my situation, I tried to herpes dating site too because they would know my condition and I wouldn't have to worry about passing it to them. I guess what I want to know is that will I ever get over this shame that I feel. I feel like I am dirty and destined to be alone for the rest of my life

Answer:
I really look forward to Faiths response on this, she'll tell you things straight up... Look, I'm quite sure that you are a beautiful person in real life, not only in appearance but in your heart... I'm sure that there are lots of guys that come onto you and stuff, and that every time they do you feel even worse, cause you can't do anything about it... Am I right or am I right? I'm going to tell you that there are millions of ppl that feel just as you do when you wrote your message, millions... Think of it this way, setbacks are given to ordinary people to make them extrodinary... Life is a constant struggle, you have to fight... If you look at yourself as being diseased, you've already lost your battle agasint herpes... I know how you feel, all the ppl here have been there and done that, I assure you it will pass in time, you'll grow up, you'll have your family as long as you stay positive... Look into the positive ways herpes can affect your life style, start working out at the gym, I bet you you'll have less then 3 outbreaks in a year if you eat right, exersise, and support a stronge healthy immune system... I'm here if you ever need me, you can PM me any time, I'll talk about anything with you if you want... Believe me, you'll be stronger then you've ever thought possible if you keep positive...

Stay strong,

Rich

Answer:
You need to change your name to NOTaloneinGA! Please understand that you're not alone. In fact, the last guy I dated was from Georgia - oddly enough - he also has HSV.

It may not be comforting now, but it does get easier. I was affraid of telling people, and when I did, I found out my sister and her husband have it too.

You ARE NOT dirty!!

Anyone who would say that is purely uneducated.

Someone recently told me that anyone who rejects you because of the virus is rejecting the virus, not you.

You need find trustworthy people, as you become ready, tell them. Telling makes it easier. Unfortunate that you can't tell your mom. But tell someone sweetheart.

Practice with us! Send me and Faith a private message everyday telling us. I promise, we will be here. Just as Faith has been here for me. We may be miles and miles away, but we are close in heart.

Look around a crowded room and KNOW that at least 20% have some form of this.

You are 25 with a long life in front of you. I had a beautiful daughter while having the virus. Unconditional love. I wish that for you. It will happen. When you find someone accepting, they will be 100 times more worthy of your love. And you will.

Answer:
Believe me, you'll be stronger then you've ever thought possible if you keep positive... Exactly. That's the key. ( Really, I've got nothing more to say, Rich! :D )

And like Lasmom said, I think that everyone in this forum are connected in very special way. You are far from being alone....

Aloneinga, ( ok, as Lasmom suggested you, you'll change your name? :D hehe..)

I've been really feeling that this disease, herpes, affect on you "mentally" the most. And.... yes I do know the pain of facing the stigma. But at the same time I do know the stigma is created mostly in your head.

I realized that herpes doesn't keep you from being loved by someone wonderful. Negative attitude does.

You have genital herpes, you can't go back to the past and change it. So far, we don't have any medicine to kill this virus. You can't change your friends' attitude or opinion. You can't change how people feel about herpes ( although 90% of people who have HSV don't know that they have it). You don't have any control over those things and people. But look, everything in your world is perceived by YOU. In other words, you are creating your world. Then, if you can change you, your world will change. In that sense, you can control your world, and in this way, you can even change your past, present, and future.

Believe me, I know this from experience. You'll see, once you accept all the fact, be honest and do the right thing all the time, you'll soon find who you are. Once you know who you are, you will start seeing your world in perspective. Soon, you'll know how good people are, how compassionate people are, and how wonderful the world is.

Your life is not over at all. It has just started. From now, your life is gonna be only better, and meaningful. I guarantee it.

I used to feel exactly the same as you feel now. I think once I was more negative than you are now. LOL :D But that's why I smiled (and laugh a bit) when I read your post, and I can tell you this for sure. Once you change yourself, your life will start changing. <smile>
It's up to you.

Best wishes..

Faith

Answer:
aloneinga,

For what it's worth, I'm in Georgia too, experiencing this thing. I'm also dedicated to finding a way to cure it as well. Get proactive and do something about it. Right now I'm concentrating on suppression so I can continue to research a cure with less stress. Concentrate on eating lots of vegetables and fruits, avoid foods high in arginine and supplement your diet with vitamins C & E and raw garlic. Avoid excess sugar consumption, as this will weaken your immune system. Have a lysine supplement ready for any signs or feelings of an outbreak. As soon as you feel anything, or think you feel anything, take a 1000mg lysine tablet and then take another one later in the day. The only outbreak I've had in the last couple of months was during a time when I was eating lots of sugar (during the holidays), as well as chocolate and nuts (high in arginine). I neglected to take a lysine supplement when I felt it coming on too. The more I research the more I find out and the easier this thing gets. Beware of any non-food supplement that claims to 'heal' H. You don't want to poison your liver and body with faddish chemicals. Concentrate on a healthy lifestyle and nutrition and supplementation and you'll be able to ease the feelings you are having. Hope this helps.

Cain

Answer:
I have not dated or had sex since my first outbreak which it has been 7 or 8 months. Not a day goes by that I don't feel disgusted with myself. Even when I dream that I about to have sex, I realize that I can't because I'm diseased. I feel like my life is over. I am single and only 25 so this has really change my life God, I remember feeling like you describe... I remember having dreams like that.... How about this one: Do you ever have people act or make comments to you about how envious they are of you, with the inference that they'd love to trade 'lives' with you and you think to yourself... You wouldn't if you KNEW I had HSV!!! :wink: I use to have those moments also... Or when someone says "you are such a handsome (or in your case pretty) guy/girl, why are you single... and you just cringe because you know that the reason you are single is because you let HSV keep you from dating... When I got HSV I was with a girl, and long story but I had my first outbreak, told her about it, she said 'i'm sure its nothing' then she got it. Well anyway... So her and I would be places together and people would say "OOOOH... You guys are such a perfect couple!!!!!!!" and in my mind I thought "except for both having herpes" :roll: :D
Or I'd be out and see an attractive girl but think "she'd never date me if she knew"

God I remember all those thoughts... They will pass...

I do not remember how long it too me to feel 'better'. How long it took until I realized that life was still everything I wanted it to be...

I do know that there was nothing anyone said... nothing anyone ELSE did for me that made me ok again... It was something I had to find within myself...

I think the first big step was when I had my first relationship after getting HSV. And having someone accept me, and having HSV not be a big deal to them... that gave me faith that life could still bring me what I wanted. (love, family, etc)

Yes, I was scared as hell, but I was not going to be ruled by my fear. I found the courage to date... I found the courage to enter a relationship... Then when the relationship started to approach intimacy, I found the courage to tell about HSV...

There is nothing stopping you from doing the same... Except yourself.

I would like to get married and have a family, but I can't tell anyone about my dark secret. No one know of this not even my mother. My friends always talking about people they know have std's so I won't dare to tell them and my mother would tell the whole family. Looking at me I would be the last person anyone ever expect, I meant plenty of guys who talk to me how some wome are shady and going around burning others, not realizes the circumstances that cause these women to get a std in the first place. You can still get married, you can still have a family. You can still date, You can still have a normal sex life... You can still be loved, you can still love in return.

People talk about other people with STD's but some of those people who talk about other people with STD's HAVE STD's themselves.

Every day you walk down the street you pass dozens of people who have the same STD you do.

You probably know dozens of people who have HSV but who like you, have not told anyone.

I guess what I want to know is that will I ever get over this shame that I feel. Yes!!!!!! If you want to you will... If you allow yourself to you will. If you take the opportunity to think, and evaluate, and soul-search, and grow emotionally you will.

HSV is not the problem. YOUR mind is the problem.
KNOW that YOU control how you feel. And having HSV has created a situation in your mind, that you can overcome, but you have to learn about yourself, and learn to love yourself to fix it.


I feel like I am dirty and destined to be alone for the rest of my life Bullshit.... You are not dirty... You will NOT be alone for the rest of your life. No way...

There are THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of guys out there who do NOT have HSV, who you will be attracted to, and who will be attracted to you.

And they will fall in love with you, because having HSV put you in a position to become a better person. To recognize that being loved and loving is about honesty, trust, faith, compassion, caring, sensitivity, understanding, not being judgemental.

And HSV doesn't inhibit your ability to be a perfect 10 when it comes to those characteristics that lead to AWESOME relationships.

When you yourself get over having HSV and see yourself for what you are... (a person capable of love) and you learn to perfect being a loving person, you will be SO attractive to guys.

I'm 29 and I've told 9 girls whom I was in a relationship with (and hundreds of girls and guy friends that I wasn't in a relationship with, just friends) that I had HSV... and 9 times, it didn't matter, and our relationship continued. (each ended because of non-hsv related issues) (well, except #9, that one is still going) :wink:

But BELIEVE ME... If I was not a kind guy... If I was not an honest guy.. If I was not a compassionate guy... I would have gotten 9 "see ya laters"

If all I had to offer was a sex organ, and a handsome face, having HSV would have been a deal breaker.

You now have the option... The neccessity to look in the mirror and recognize that WHO YOU ARE... Why a person would love you forever is NOT because of a small inconsequential thing like having HSV (face it, you have had it for 8 months, you KNOW its not a big deal, you just know that the BIG DEAL is having to tell someone who does not have it)

You have admitted that dating someone with HSV would be way easier.. Why??? because YOU KNOW that it isn't a big deal. You just don't have faith that other people will think it isnt' a big deal.... And I am telling you they WON'T CARE.

You can have everything you want from life... You can see a guy, you can be attracted to him, you can get to know him, and he will get to know you... Then you will tell him about HSV and he's NOT going to care.

But right now, the possibility for that happening is ZERO because of YOU.... The only thing that is standing between you and the life you DREAM of is YOURSELF. You are too scared, too ashamed, too pessimistic to see that life still has the ability to give you everything you want.

Your destiny is still in your hands... But you aren't willing too see that. You are a slave to your own fear, your own embarassment. You are sitting in a cage that you refuse to let yourself out of.

You came here looking for the keys that will unlock the prison you are living in.... And all I can tell you is that the door is open... But you haven't tried to open it. Its time to allow yourself to have what you want.

All you have to do is walk thru it. Life and love are both waiting for you on the other side. What are you waiting for?

Its time to stop being alone. Go find your best friend in the whole world and tell that person... Someone who will let you cry on their shoulder.

Don't choose to be alone anymore.

With love,

nik

Answer:
Thank you all for replying to my question. I read the the replies every day. I guess it some how makes me feel a little better. I notice that you guys already had a partner or friends that you could confide in. It is very hard to find someone that accepts you if they're just meeting you. How can I go out and meet someone and than right when he's interested tell him I have herpes. I know if it was me and I was told, I would continue to be his friend, but I wouldn't get romantically involve. How could I expect someone to accept me when I couldn't accept them.

Answer:
I can honestly say that if you love someone they will not care about this minor setback. My first love had HSV and he told me before having any contact with me. I really did think that he had more courage and was the most sincere person for letting me know before any sexual contact occured. This made me like him even more. We didn't just jump into sex either. He made sure that I was ready for the possibilities of catching the virus. He never jumped into anything without me jumping in first. This made me feel so loved because he respected me so much.

The relationship didn't last, we were both young. But it didn't end because of HSV, it ended over something much different. I never caught HSV from him. I had blood test for three years after. I unfortunatly caught this from someone that didn't know or didn't tell me that he had it. But I know that I contracted it from they guy who didn't tell.

I would have much rather received HSV from the guy who was respectful enough to tell me than the one who didn't. And the next person you date that is so attracted to you. You know those guys. They call you just to see what you're doing, they leave little notes on your car, they tell you you're beautiful when you first wake up...etc. I don't think they really will care. And if they catch it from you they won't be as dissapointed when they find out than if they caught it from someone who didn't tell.

I have to believe that I will be able to date someone who doesn't have HSV. If I only dated those with HSV then I would be limiting myself and settling. I'm not going to settle for anyone and you don't have to either. I'm not saying there aren't great guys out there that have HSV, I've met one. I'm just saying that just because you have HSV there's no reason to feel you can't date anyone you would want.

You can't tell your very best friend? Your mom? I told my mom and I asked her not to tell her mom because I was afraid that she would tell others. (My mom loves to gossip, etc) But you know what, she hasn't told a soul. I was crying one day and my sister was asking my mom what was wrong. My mom just told her to go back to doing what she was doing and not worry about me. She didn't even tell her when it was obvious that something was wrong. You should tell someone,..,,, it helps you to feel a lot better. You have someone to vent to, someone to cry on their shoulders.

Tell your friend who you can already cry in front of, talk to about anything, knows by looking at you that something wrong.

lovely

Answer:
aloneinga,

If it makes you feel any better, I am alone in this thing myself. The only time I talk about it is on this forum. I have not met anyone that I like enough to get intimate with since I caught H, so I haven't yet had to worry about 'telling' someone. Even though I'm not looking forward to it, I'm not going to let it stop me from finding someone to love. I've only truly been in love once in my life so far (I'm 27), and I know that if I'm ever in the same position again, this mild skin-irritation I have is not going to matter. Also look at the facts: there will most likely be a vaccine available to the public in 2-3 years. There are people who used to have regular outbreaks who no longer have any. One person on this board no longer has outbreaks as a result of hyperbaric oxygen treatment he received after a scuba-diving accident. There is a way to cure this. The only thing is that we have to find it ourselves. I think I have found something myself that helps. I will have to wait a little while longer to know for sure though. I'll be sure to let everyone know what I find out. So anyhow, keep your head up and look at the big picture. What we have is no different from the little sores people get on their lips. The only difference is the location. And it can be suppressed and it CAN be beaten. Start doing some research yourself and let us know what you find out. I live in Georgia too and it would be cool if we could find a few other Georgians on this forum to get together with and discuss suppression, treatment and cure research.

Cain