Question:
Hi Guys, i'm new here and i'm in desperate need of some support or advice because i'm afraid i've long surpased my limitations and i'm really scared for myself.

I went to the clinic today and was diagnosed with HSV2 by the Dr., although it's not official yet as i was just being tested, he made his thoughts pretty clear. Now aside from the pain i'm going through with the HSV outbreak, i'm also largely obese and have diabetes and high blood pressure which i'm being medicated for. I'm currently on a diet right now and have been for several weeks to try to change my life, then HSV jumped into my life and everything that comes along with it is emotionally draining me and i want to give up on everything.
I'm married and have been with my wife for 7 years, we have 2 children and this is the first sign of any STD either of us have had, because of the children and the stress that comes along with everything else we both knew that cheating was never really a consideration and the doctor advised us that i most likely had it early on from another partner and that it was just dormant.
I'm really having a hard time dealing with this and everything i read, no matter where i go i hear that the first outbreak is the worst, and that as long as you diet and excersise the outbreaks will lower. As well as reducing stress and anxiety. So with that said, am i pretty much screwed because lately in my life i haven't really been able to manage any of those things as hard as i try, am i destined to just be a worst case scenerio?
With everything that sucked in my life, sex with my wife and playing with my children were the only things i actually had to keep me stable and now i feel that sex has just taken a turn for the worse because i feel that both of us are gonna be so nervous that she'll catch it that it will be so unenjoyable, not to mention the fact that i really don't want to use a condom with the woman i've been with for 7 years. I've read that she can still catch it if i'm not broken out, so if i rule out condoms that means that she's GONNA get it right? I've also read that The outbreaks can be like once a month in the first year..and that some people recommend not having sex while outbroken or 2 weeks after outbreak.. given that math, it doesn't appear that i'll be having sex for the first year.

I'm so at a loss with everything right now because of this that it's impossible to make the stress go away.. i was under enough of it without HSV that this just put me over the edge.

someone please tell me this is gonna be ok

Answer:
Well for starters I think that this forum can be a great source of support and I welcome you.

This is not the end of the world and you can get this under control and get moving in the right direction.

First off - your wife should go and get tested for hsv also to find out if she has it already. I suggest that she asks for the herpeselect blood test for both hsv1 and hsv2. If she already has the virus and neither of you are having an ob there is no reason you need to use condoms or change your normal activity.

Some of the best things you have going for you are that you have a loving wife and kids. There is no reason that you can't still enjoy these wonderful blessings. Keeping your emotions in a positive place can do wonders for reducing ob's.

It is an excellent idea that you find ways to improve your health and strengthen your immune system. I know that this seems overwhelming but if you can set clear achievable goals I know that you can do it.

One of the things that is recommended time and again for people suffering with hsv is that certain foods can trigger ob's. For many of us these are foods high in an amino acid called arginine. I find that I have to avoid all nuts including peanuts and also corn. I wonder if your new diet is especially high in arginine rich foods?

Learning you have this virus is a pretty big shock but time is on your side and I think you'll find that as time moves forward and you understand what is going on it won't be so bad.

my best to you.

Answer:
It IS gonna be okay, canadaguy, and I mean that. So relax. HSV is not the monster many people make it out to be. It may be a challenge for you at first because of your other health issues, but this is not an insurmountable thing, physically or emotionally.

I'm not sure how or if your diabetes will affect your HSV. My husband had type 2 diabetes, and I know he seemed more susceptible to complications from common ailments like colds and injuries. He healed slower. So, it seems logical that diabetes may cause you to take longer to build enough antibodies to suppress the virus to the extent that your ob's become fewer and milder. Then again, it may not. Hopefully, you're eating right and getting exercise since you've been on a diet. That's good. This is just one more motivation to turn yourself around... another hand at your back pushing you in the right direction, you might say. ;)

Your immune system will be your best friend as far as controlling your ob's. There are suppressants your dr can prescribe, but ultimately, it's your own body that will help you actually fight it. Ask your dr first, but you might try an immune system booster like Lysine, or I take Neem leaf capsules to help my immune system along. There are a number of suggestions in posts on this site to give you ideas. It's an individual thing. What works for one, may not work for another, so experiment safely, and always let your dr know what you're taking, since you have other issues and medications to consider.

Now, your love life... I doubt that many couples in committed relationships use condoms, in spite of HSV. My partner and I never do. He has oral, I have genital. It took 7 years for me to contract it from him. If you use precaution about not engaging in relations during an ob, chances are that your wife may not contract the virus for years, or even ever. It's possible. Then again, she may. BUT, would that be the end of the world? I mean, really? No, no one tries to pass it along to someone they love, but if she should get it from you, what's the worst that would happen?

When I was diagnosed, my dr told me that if two people stay together long enough, eventually, the odds are that both will end up with it. But, he said, if you love that person, does it really matter? I had to agree. If you intend to stay together, about all that means is that you can stop worrying about passing it along anymore. For me, realizing I had gotten it was almost a relief. It was liberating, and sex is better than ever now. It's one more thing we share, and we could finally let go of all that paranoia about him giving it to me. And to be honest, the first few months I had it were rough as far as ob's go, but since then, it rarely bothers me at all. So if sex is important to you both, there's no reason to give it up.

You'll find that there's a lot of panic and paranoia on sites such as this, and on the web in general. People tend to go overboard as far as precautions and restrictions go. Not that I'm making light of HSV, especially since you have other complications, but it's just not all that, when you come right down to it. There are those who will probably disagree heartily with me on that, and yes, there are people who have a hard time getting it under control. But attitude is everything, I think. You can make as much or as little of it as you want. You can let it hold you prisoner, or you can decide to live your life to the fullest in spite of it. The choice is yours.

You have a loving wife and family, and in my opinion that puts you way ahead in the game. Enjoy them. Love them. Be grateful for them, and be happy. All things considered, I'd say you're a pretty lucky guy.

Answer:
thanks guys.. i greatly appreciate the support, i could really use every bit of it right now.
The Clinic prescribed me Valtrex for 10 days,2 twice a day i guess until the results come back and we move on from there.. i really don't know what to expect as in what drugs to take or things i can take to make it a little easier though. I'm pretty sure i could use it all considering that because of my other health issues I'm sure my immune system is up to par.
I have a few other questions that maybe the men can help me out with.. this being my first outbreak, it's quite painful but I'm pleased to hear that it gets better from here, however since this outbreak I've been thinking about past "penis" issues and wondering if they were related. Throughout the time with my wife, mainly in the last 2 years i would say I've noticed on occasion that i would get what appeared as cuts on my penis, which i just related to either a scratch from sex, or clothing friction.. but now i wonder if they were small outbreaks or am i just over analyzing it.
Also, From what i gather it's almost impossible to get HSV2 from a toilet seat which was my first thought honestly, but is sexual contact the only way to get HSV2, cause I've heard conflicting things such as getting the virus from someone who has cold sores, but your outbreak may be genital rather than oral, which I'm confused about. I thought maybe because my mother often has cold sores, and that i may have come in contact with a glass or something that she drank from and got the virus, and my outbreak was genital rather than oral. Seems odd, but like i said I'm a little conflicted with info that I've gathered.

Anyways.. i'm sure i'll have many more questions for you all, so thank you very much for helping me through this tough time.

if you have any suggestions for me, please let me know.. anything that could make this easier would be much appreciated.

Answer:
the infected area of one person has to have skin to skin contact with an area of an uninfected person for them to contract it. If someone who has coldsores kissed someone else on the mouth while shedding the virus, the person on the receiving end would get ORAL herpes. Just as a person with coldsores performs oral sex on someones genitals....the reciever would get genital herpes as a result. There are two types....type 1 and type 2....type 1 is more common to find in the oral region and type 2 below, but both can be found and spread to either region. So to answer your question, there is n way you got GENITAL herpes from sharing a drink with your mom. If you shared a drink and she sheds the virus orally onto the glass and your MOUTH comes in contact with it, then only your mouth could become infected. Check what type of herpes you have : 1 or 2 because usually if it is genital type 1 you got it most likely from someone performing oral sex on you who carried the virus orally. hope this helps clarify a little. So, anyone that has genital can give it to someone else orally if the let someone perform oral sex on their genitals, or give it to someone genitally through sex.

The opposite is true for people with oral herpes......they can give it to someone elses genitals if they perform oral sex on someone and they can give it to others orally by simply kissing them.

Answer:
It's also slightly possible that you got it genitally from your wife who has it orally (from her MIL, possibly even from you) when she gave you oral sex. There are tons of possibilities. It's probably not worth beating yourself up over, but it is important that your wife get tested (which i'm guessing will relieve some tension between you two), and you might consider arming your mother with the truth about her innocent cold sores, especially if she's prone to kissing your children and is under the misconception that cold sores aren't serious.

It's possible the previous problems you've had with your penis could have been HSV, but i'm sure it would be hard for anyone to really say. HSV can show up in a number of different ways, and in a number of different places. Some people get small cuts, some people get the itching and burning with no visible cuts, people like me get bumps that hurt a bit, but are generally fairly mild.... I'm not sure anyone could tell you if that was DEFINITELY HSV you experienced before, but it's certainly possible.

Keep us updated!

Answer:
ok guys i need some more help.. maybe i'm just paranoid but i'm freaking out because just today i noticed a red spot above my lip which looks as though i'm getting a pimple.. and it may very well be as i've had a pimple there before, it's not that uncommon. But i'm freaking out because now i feel like i have oral AND genital herpes. From what i gather i could only get oral herpes from kissing someone wirh oral, or giving oral sex to someone with genital correct? From what i gather the virus doesn't live for long when exposed to air, so is it possible that at some time while inspecting my own penis for herpes that i later touched my mouth and got oral herpes? I mean i do wash my hands on a VERY regular basis but i'm so paranoid now that i'm wondering if i missed it at one point and that now i have oral herpes. To say that i was inspecting my penis and then put my hands on my mouth is rediculous, i would never touch my mouth directly after touching my penis but at some point after my inspection i may have but i'm not sure... am i just paranoid with a pimple or could i have possibly spread it to myself orally?

Answer:
Canada guy,
You need to get tested for hsv1 and hsv2 antibodies, as does you wife. You also need to culture any lesions or sures you may have with a test that can differentiate the difference between the two viruses.

Once you get the results, you will know how you got this. If its hsv1, you prob got it from oral sex with your wife. If its hsv2, then you either got it before you meet your wife or you got it from your wife.

Your wife should be tested too. It is likely she is already infected if you and her were both monogamous for all these years and had regular unprotected sex.

Btw, I have gshv1 from being given oral sex and my sex life is quite normal. So dont lose hope! :) My partner gave it to me after many years together. He has hsv orally and I have it genitally now. Since he already has antibodies to the same type and same strain, we have regular sex without condoms. He washes afterwards as a precaution. Its been a year and he is fine.