Question:
firstly im sorry, i really need to say that i am scared to death. I seriosly cant stop crying, and i rarely cry.

so heres my story. Im a 21 year old male, 2 days ago was my birthday actually...what a present...herpes...., anywho Ive only been with 4 partners since i started being intimate. My first 2 girlfrieds were both virgins when we started dating. I dated them for a combined 4 1/2 years. Just this past summer did i enter into the dating scene. there was a girl who i liked, she had a bad reputation but i ignored it because she said she had got tested...well i ended up having unprotected sex with her 3 times within about a week. we never ended up dating, not that it matters...but i have recently found someone whom i am falling completely head over heals for, and she isnt infected with this horrible disease...im bitter can u tell?

long story short, my current girlfriend and i had been intimate on my birthday, 2 days ago; and again last night. After sex last night i noticed my penis was an irregular shade of red in some spots. i at first brushed it off as a "rash" or "irritation" due to just having relations. Well, about 3 hours ago, my penis started itching along with my 2 boys. The redness is still very prominent. so i started to show concern, i then looked closely at my penis flipping it over and heres where the main concern comes in...i see what looks like 2 really small bumps on the underside of my member. ok, no big deal, i just shaved yesterday and it looks like there are small hair pieces sticking out of the bumps, ingrown hairs perhaps? but the redness and itching continued....so after about and hour i started researching the internet, found these forums and did some reading. after i did some reading and felt like i knew a little bit of what to look for i examined my penis once again. when i checked the underside, the 2 bumps had minimized, however i see what looks like a cluster of about 12 VERY VERY small legions. i mean really small... so at first im getting really really worried. so i did more research, and decided that i most likely have a form of genital herpes.

so i called my current girlfriend and told her everything...she said its probably just an irritation, as she had seen my penis this morning because i was complaining of itching. I told her, no...im pretty sure this is something a lot more serious....herpes. so immediately i started crying uncontrollably, and have just recently stopped :) kinda... i asked her if she was showing any symptoms. she said no, and that when she gets back from her trip up-state she will go to the health dept. with me to get tested. she really made me feel so much better. she kept telling me that she loves me and if i do have herpes that we will just have to work it out.

so after i got off of the phone with her, i again checked my penis. the bumps that i seen earlier have swollen a bit and i havent checked him since. another symptom that i am having is a dry cough, with a burning feverish feeling in my eyes, my lower back is somewhat sore, although that could be from sex last night? not sure.

i guess i just feel really really scared. not to throw a pity party, but i suffer from bad nightmares, where i see myself committing suicide in my dreams at least 2-3 times a week. and basically this made me instantly have one of those nightmares...i am really really scared. i know that i wont harm myself. but none the less its terrifying.

if someone can help me understand what the hell i am supposed to do, other that get a professional opinion, which i am going to do within the next 2 days. i mean, how am i supposed to have sex? is it even possible? or should i lop my penis off... and my main concern isnt even the sex...
its keeping my partner HSV free!
and am i going to be able to have children? <== MAIN CONCERN...i personally dont even care about the pain ...i'll deal with it...but i really want to get married and start a family in the next 3 or so years...and im not sure if its possible to have my own children now?

thanks guys. i really just needed to tell someone. im scared.

zach

Answer:
Ok, first of all, don't lop off your penis! It wouldn't do any good anyway, as the virus doesn't live in your penis. Second, i'd recommend your current partner get tested too, as your timing may just work out to it having been her who passed it to you. And of course in that case, you dont need to worry about transmission so much.

Second, yes you can still have sex. Yes, you can still have a family. Yes, it is possible to prevent the spread of the virus to your new partner. This virus will not stop your life or your life's goals. It's just a minor speed bump, and something to be careful of. Keep reading around here, and until you have a good handle on prevention methods, don't have sex with your current girl (as spreading it seems to be a major concern of yours- bravo!). Get tested, see what you have (keep in mind that 1) your test may be negative right now because for some tests you must have antibodies in your system that can take up to 16 weeks to develop and 2) your ex may have been telling you the truth about her stds, because most doctors don't test for HSV). GET TESTED! Get your girlfriend tested. Knowledge is power and confidence when it comes to HSV.

It does sound like you're experiencing your first OB, sadly. The fevers, pain in your back, etc are all common of first OBs. Good news is things get better from here. If you've got little pain, there's a good chance you won't have any OBs worse than this one. Also, you might consider asking your current love if she's ever had cold sores -- the form of the virus that causes cold sores is usually much less painful and recurring (and harder to pass) when it occurs in the genitals. The only way you'll really know, though, is by getting tested. The best thing to test, as far as i can tell, is an active OB, so go as soon as you can. Other people can speak on that better than i can.

Keep reading, try to make the best sense of the information you've got available, and hold on to that woman! This is not the end of your life, this is a speed bump, a wake-up call if you will. Don't be worried about your children or your wife, or even your penis. Just concentrate on understanding how to reduce the risk of transmission, and finding out what exactly you have, and you can make it through, just like the rest of us!

(I'm sorry for the run-on sentences. I repeat that i've had 2 glasses of wine tonight and should be forgiven for any mistakes!)

Answer:
Hi there FzMI,

Okay....Take a deep breath and let yourself relax a bit.

I think the best thing you could do at this point is get yourself to the doctor as soon as you can. The reason to get there soon is the doctor can take a swab test on what you think might be an outbreak and the fresher it is, the more accurate the test will be.

So, first things first. Get tested asap.

Then you can think rationally about your situation and make logical plans for your future. Worst case scenario would be that you have it....But you can learn how to manage it and still have a full life.

Try not to put the cart before the horse.
Go get tested.

Good Luck!

Answer:
Zach,

I felt the same way you're feeling when I found out I had H 25 years ago (at the age of 23.) I thought my life was over and if it wasn't, I wanted it to be. The guy who gave it to me didn't know he had it and we'd only been dating about 2 months when I was diagnosed. Like you, he was only the 4th person I'd ever been with. I still count the day I found out as one of the worst in my life but my life did get better. I married that guy and we had 2 children (both delivered vaginally, btw.)

At first you feel like your life is over and nothing good will happen to you ever again. Just take one hour at a time and get through it. I promise you that within a month, you'll have more good days than bad. It takes some time but eventually you'll get some perspective on this and you'll see that it's a rash. As the years go by, it reoccurs with less frequency and less intensity.

On another positive note, I have a friend who has H and she's been married for 10 years to someone who still doesn't have it. She's had H for about 18 years and knows her body very well so they don't use condoms and she doesn't take medication; they just don't have sex when she has an outbreak or feels one coming on.

The biggest problem with H is the stigma that goes with it. I have a theory that if everyone (which would celebrities, politicians, teachers, parents, doctors, students, neighbors, church members, business people, grandparents) who had it would come out and claim it that there'd be so many of us, the stigma would have to go away.

I'll be sending good thoughts your way.